


Paradise Lost 2089

by kkimbly



Series: Of Men and Monsters [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Cyberpunk, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, M/M, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:21:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 68,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24016606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kkimbly/pseuds/kkimbly
Summary: There is no heaven to rise to in Seoul 2089, not when heaven is the 150th floor of The Signiel. There is no use for God either, because Man now has the fire of creation in their hands. There is no Frankenstein, but there is a Jaemin.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: Of Men and Monsters [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1985836
Comments: 95
Kudos: 101





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer:  
> 1\. Technology mentioned here is based off actual stuff but there is a looooootttt of artistic liberty taken here since it's set in the future.  
> 2\. It's a futuristic city straight out of my imagination so nothing here is remotely close to reality. I hope I did the description justice.  
> 3\. I have not written anything remotely romantic in years. Please forgive me.  
> 4\. This fic is probably mammoth. Updates will be slow.  
> 5\. Warnings may change to Explicit in the future! Be careful, kids!

“Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay

to mould me man? Did I solicit thee

From Darkness to promote me?”

\- Milton, Paradise Lost

Seoul, 2089

In retrospect, Jeno should have seen it coming.

He was laughing, giddy off their meagre pay raise as they clinked soju bottles together in celebration while they stumbled down the streets of Seoul, indifferent to the puddles of icy water that sploshed around their ankles and falling from the smoggy sky above. There were hardly any supply trucks this late at night save for the random Post Bots rolling past them with their packages, which meant that they got the whole street to themselves. He laughed again, one of the rare ones that were uninhibited and free of deceit, shoving Jaemin away when he attempted to land a kiss on Jeno’s cheek.

“Hey,” Jeno had slurred, pulling out of Jaemin’s arms to stand in front of him, holding his soju bottle in front of him mock-threateningly as he walked backwards, away from Jaemin, “I’m not an easy man. I prefer to be wined and dined before bedded.”

“I’ve been waiting forever for you to say that, Lee Jeno,” Jaemin grinned at him wolfishly, teeth glinting under the pink neon lights from the neighbouring bar. Jesus, Jeno thought to himself dazedly in his drunken haze, that’s the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen. It wasn’t a thought that sober Jeno, or anyone else on the street, would have made. Jaemin was tall and lanky, scrawny even, lovely features stretched so tight across hunger-ravaged cheekbones that it looked like a caricature. He was dishevelled and unpolished, sticking out like a sketch among the straight, neat lines of black-clad figures that passed them with disdainful looks on their Boardwalkers. He ought not to have, yet Na Jaemin stood out like a beacon of light in that one last night when they thought that they had it all.

There was a screeching noise and shouting that Jeno’s alcohol-addled brain vaguely registered, and then Jaemin was lit up, lit up like how Jeno used to imagine souls were when they ascended to heaven, lit up for a moment by the lights of the massive truck that spun around the corner.

There was no heaven for people like them to rise to in Seoul 2089, only the 105th level of St. Mary’s hospital.

/

Jeno sat outside the operating theatre, elbows resting on his knees and neck cramping from where his head had hung limply. His fingers, clasped together in useless prayer, tightened as he rasped again, “Why?”

The doctor frowned at him, uncomprehending. “You do not have insurance,” he said in a tone as though that was obvious, “and you are unable to pay in credit.”

Jeno swallowed, trying to fight back his trembling. He had no words to say, knowing that was the truth. “I…I’ll give you my paycheck,” he whispered, “If you could let me pay in instalments – ”

“We do not accept instalments for cases as severe this,” the doctor cut him off, “unless you can provide proof of a guarantor.” His eyes roved over him disparagingly, a feeling that Jeno was not unused to. “As it is, neither of you are of age, nor have any form of guardians in your records…” he trailed off, letting silence fill the air and the unspoken understanding.

The first of his sobs crawled up his throat, a little gasp that he tried to stifle. The doctor’s eyes softened a little, “In any case, your friend is far beyond what our hospital can help. You would be better off putting that money into setting up the necessary arrangements.” He hesitated, then clamped his hand on Jeno’s shoulder, drawing away quickly and wiping it discreetly on his white coat as he walked away.

Jeno stared at the floor, eyes burning and body rigid. He felt as though he might shatter if he shifted the slightest inch. The man who had come with him to the hospital – a man who had been in pursuit of the supply truck – walked over from where he had been watching the exchange at the opposite wall to sit next to him. “If I may,” he started, hands fiddling with the tablet in his hands, “I have an offer to make.”

"You are not getting his organs,” Jeno said stonily.

The man recoiled, “I wasn’t going to ask for that! Organs are useless now anyway, hardly anyone would have a use for them,” he stopped abruptly, clearing his throat when he saw the look in Jeno’s eyes. “Would you like to take revenge on that man?”

“Fuck off,” Jeno growled, patience running thin.

The man looked offended, he opened his mouth and Jeno curled his hand into a fist, waiting for him to say just the thing that he could use as an excuse to punch someone. “Doyoung, Doyoung,” a voice broke in, “This is why you’re better off sticking to your computers.” A tall man appeared suddenly in Jeno’s line of sight. Despite himself, he flinched in surprise. He hadn’t heard a sound.

“Johnny,” Doyoung greeted, still looking a little put out.

The tall man, Johnny, turned cold eyes on Jeno. “I’ll cut to the chase. Your friend will die within an hour, maybe less. We have a way to save his life,” he went on before Jeno got a chance to gather his anger, “But it is a pilot technique and we will not be able to guarantee anything. Will you like to try it?”

Jeno looked back at him for a few moments, motionless. “What’s the catch?” his lips barely moved as he formed the words.

Johnny smiled slowly, predatorily, “You two will be in our service for life.”

“Free labour?”

“Of course not!” Doyoung broke in, scandalised, clearly unhappy to be left out of the conversation, “You’ll receive a stipend, lodgings, food allowance and anything you will need within reason.”

It sounded shady as hell, but did Jeno have a choice? Not after the doctor had announced Jaemin’s death sentence. He would do anything to stop that. Still, he had to know. Not for himself, but for Jaemin. “Why are you doing this? Who are you?”

“It’s a win-win situation,” Johnny answered without a shred of reservation, “We need a patient who has nothing to lose except his life, and from what I hear he’s already on his way. As for the second question, I’m afraid I can’t tell you much until you sign the contract with us, except that you can rest assured that we’re not anything illegal. Quite the contrary.” He finished wryly.

Jeno brought himself to his feet, trying to come level with his eyes. Johnny watched him silently, a glint of approval in his eyes, “How are you going to save him?”

“Do I have your word?” Johnny said instead, “If you sign with us, you and your friend will forever be in our service. There is no turning back.”

He laughed, a hacking, mocking sound. “I don’t have much to return to.” Jeno extended a hand to Doyoung, not looking away from Johnny, “Give me the contract.”

Doyoung fretted over his shoulder while he swiped through the pages, barely scanning them as he signed. “I’ll email you a copy so that you can refer to it anytime you like. I’m sorry that we’re coming off so shady because it’s part of our job, but I promise you that there’s nothing in there that would place you at a disadvantage.” Jeno let his words wash over him without listening. His optimism was touching, but Jeno knew better than anyone that there was no such thing for them in this world. “You said that he has barely an hour,” he said to Johnny as he handed the tablet to Doyoung, “What are you still doing here?”

“Waiting for you to join me,” Johnny replied, unfazed by his directness, “And Taeyong has already started.”

For the first time, Jeno faltered, more in surprise than actual hesitation, “What?”

“Na Jaemin has no legal guardian, no will and no next-of-kin,” Johnny said, disregarding Doyoung’s shushing, “He is essentially a blank slate and he is about to become a sentence on a carved slate. He is only a citizen of South Korea and that means that he belongs to us.” He turned away without waiting for Jeno’s reply. Jeno followed, pushing away the fury at the truth of his words to focus.

As they robed up to enter the operating theatre, Johnny said, “You probably didn’t read the contract so I will tell you now; whatever happens in this room will stay in this room. You will not speak about it to anyone aside from those involved. You will not interfere in anything, because doing so will only put your friend at risk. Do you understand me?”

Jeno nodded distractedly, snapping the mask on. It was only because of that one sentence that Jeno didn’t immediately lose his shit the moment they stepped into the room and saw a man lifting Jaemin’s brain out of his open skull.

“It’s called a BrainEx,” Doyoung mumbled to him, voice muffled by the mask and the effort of keeping his voice low as Johnny joined the team of people surrounding Jaemin’s broken body, “His brain is dying and we need more time to fix up his body. That jar will keep it alive and oxygenated while they work.”

Jar was putting it mildly. Jaemin’s brain floated serenely in the murky red fluid, connected to tiny tubes through which more of the red fluid flowed. Jeno swallowed back the bile in his throat at the sight, wincing at each crack of Jaemin’s ribs.

“Can he feel anything now?” Jeno asked, dreading the answer. He hadn’t had a chance to take a proper look at Jaemin after the truck mowed him down. He remembered a lot of blood, bone poking through skin and Jaemin lying on the ground like a pile of twigs. He remembered the driver of the truck leaping out and disappearing into the truck, hearing people screaming, some of which was his own when he yelled his way into the ambulance. And now all that encompasses Na Jaemin is the brain in the jar and a collection of broken bones. If he even makes it through.

Doyoung shook his head, “He should not. He’s basically in a coma now.” Thank god. Jeno couldn’t imagine how agonising it would be if Jaemin could feel every crack of his bone now. Jeno vaguely heard Doyoung muttering an excuse as he hurriedly left the room. His stomach turned when Taeyong started doing something that looked like he was digging out an organ, but he pushed the revulsion back and seating himself in a corner of the room. If Jaemin isn’t going to make it through, he will make damn sure that he’s in the room till the last moment.

/

“Can we share?” a nasal voice interrupted Jeno as he was reading. He looked up from where he had curled up in a corner of the room with the battered book. A skinny boy, slightly smaller than him with buck teeth and a perpetual smile on his face was standing in front of him, looking hopeful. Jeno recognised him. It was Na Jaemin, the kid who was friends with everyone and equally disliked by just as many. The same grin that endeared him to others also got on other people’s nerves.

Jeno was neither. He couldn’t care less about the workings of the orphanage that they lived in. Today, he found himself leaning towards the latter. “No,” he replied shortly, pulling the book closer to him.

Jaemin sat down, planting his butt uncomfortably close to Jeno in a way that let him know he wasn’t going to give in easily. “Please?” it was surprisingly sincere, “I’ve been wanting to but the other kids won’t let me have it because Madam said that I’m not smart enough.”

“You should just go ahead and take it anyway,” Jeno replied, unconcerned, flipping a page and staring at the drawing of the rabbit. He had never met a rabbit before, and he traced the drawing with his fingers, trying to imagine how rabbit’s fur will feel like.

“I can’t do that,” Jaemin replied immediately, “that wouldn’t be nice.”

“But they weren’t nice to _you_.”

There was no reply. Jeno peeked over the top of the book, catching sight of the lost, baffled expression on his face. It didn’t seem like Jaemin would leave anytime soon. He sighed, relenting, knowing that it would be simpler to just humour him, “You can read with me, but I get to hold the book.”

Jaemin scrambled closer to him eagerly, making his place next to Jeno. “What is it about?”

Jeno flipped to the front of the book, showing him the drawing where the rabbit was on a ship. “It’s about a rabbit who fell overboard from a ship.”

“A ship?” Jaemin’s eyes widened, he stared at the picture of the rabbit falling through the water in fascination. “Is this called a sea?” Jeno nodded. “It’s beautiful.”

It is. The sea was coloured in shades of blue and green, the limp body of the rabbit oddly forlorn as he fell towards the murky bottom. “I want to see the sea someday,” Jaemin declared, still fixated on the drawing. They read in silence, Jaemin holding the page down when he wasn’t done reading which happened more often than not. The fifth time it happened, Jeno lost his patience, “Why are you so slow?”

To his astonishment, Jaemin’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, swiping at his eyes as fast as he can, “I won’t hold you back again.” He stared at the book, steadfastly not looking at Jeno. Something unfamiliar rose in him as he stared at the other boy’s small shoulders. He didn’t know what it was, only that it was uncomfortable and it was somewhere in his chest. “I’ll read to you,” he said slowly, the words coming from him unbidden.

Jaemin glanced at him apprehensively, eyes still a little watery. “That way we won’t have to slow down,” Jeno tried again, chest still tight with that weird feeling.

“Okay,” Jaemin replied in a small voice.

That was the first and clearest memory Jeno had of Jaemin. Two young boys huddled in the corner of the room, bent over a battered book, oblivious to the other children fighting while Madam tried to separate them, to the yelling outside the windows as drunkards stumbled down the street, woefully ignorant of the tablets that other children who weren’t Jaemin and Jeno used outside this room. It didn’t matter to them then and it wouldn’t matter for a long time, but for that period of time in their childhood they felt the way that only children could feel, when the only world that mattered was the one they held in their hands, the world of the little rabbit called Edward Tulane.

/

Jeno stood outside the room, looking through the glass into the room where Jaemin lay comatose. “We’re waiting for his brain to settle in,” a soft voice at his side said. Taeyong, a remarkably handsome man with doe eyes that contrasted with the angular planes of his face, leaned against the wall, looking exhausted but satisfied. “We don’t want to wake him up until the swelling goes down.”

Jeno stared at Jaemin, at the mass of bandages that wrapped around his face and his head. All he could see was a mass of white and grey. White blankets, white bandages, the gray of his metallic limbs. “We’ll eventually get around to fixing his face and covering up the metal parts,” Taeyong said apologetically, “But for now we need to focus on monitoring him and watching for signs of tissue rejection.”

“Thank you,” Jeno said woodenly as Taeyong patted his shoulder and left. The operation took 36 hours, 36 hours to pull Jaemin apart and put him back together like a doll. 36 long hours where Jeno watched with burning eyes as they cut away and drilled and joined natural and man-made flesh together while Jaemin’s brain waited patiently in the glass tank. And the worst thing was that for the first time, Jeno had no idea what was happening at all. As soon as he came out he went straight to a vending machine and downed three cups of espresso before borrowing Doyoung’s tablet to look through the appendix of the contract.

Myoelectric prosthetics. Stem cell organs. Metal implants. Respirocyte transfusion. A grocery list to put together the flesh-and-bone body crushed under several tonnes of steel. A grocery list to put together a Frankenstein.

Standing alone in the corridor looking at that freak of nature, Jeno should be feeling worse. But the only thing he could think of was how much he missed Jaemin already.

They transferred Jaemin into the military hospital once his condition stabilised. Almost a month of operations and recovery and Doyoung forcing Jeno to shower and eat and sleep because he was too afraid of having Jaemin slip through his fingers when he wasn’t around.

It was only then that Jeno was assured enough to go back to their home long enough to pack up the meagre items of their lives before moving into the military base. Though, this wasn’t like any other military base, this one was a highly classified branch, a joint venture between U.S. DARPA and South Korea’s ADD located deep in the mountains of Gangwon.

The base was completely different from what Jeno was used to, it looked almost primitive. They went through an electronic gate that opened to a long dirt road which eventually ended in several squat, gray buildings. Jeno couldn’t help staring when they pulled up to the main hall. He had never seen buildings which were less than twenty storeys tall. These looked like they were two, maybe three storeys. And there were no windows at all. He turned to Doyoung, questions on the tip of his tongue. “We can’t have the buildings too high or it’ll be noticeable,” he said, evidently reading his mind, “And windows are a liability. It’s more expensive to use electrical energy than standard solar energy but it’s a small price to pay for the safety of our recruits.”

“Is that what I am now?” Jeno swivelled his head around, taking in everything. There was just so much space and the air was so fresh, it was mind-boggling. “A recruit?”

Doyoung looked exasperated, “Did you read your contract at all?”

“I read up on what they did to Jaemin.” The corridors felt almost claustrophobic without windows despite the LED walls showing a live feed of the outside, a feeling that he probably had to get used to. He ignored the sigh Doyoung let out, peering through the translucent glass of a door. “Yes, you and Jaemin are our recruits now,” Doyoung said testily, “We’ll put you through a three-year training that will commence as soon as Taeyong certifies Jaemin fit for work. I asked for that, by the way,” he paused, giving Jeno an expectant look, “Johnny wanted to start you right away but I convinced him that you would like to do it with Jaemin instead.”

Jeno stared at him blankly. Doyoung cleared his throat awkwardly and started a short tour around the base, showing him the mess hall, the training rooms, the classrooms; everything that they needed to turn him from a mere waiter to the human equivalent of a snake. “This is a joint effort by DARPA and ADD,” Doyoung explained, “The technology we used to put Jaemin together is highly classified. It’s the first of its kind,” Doyoung’s voice rose in excitement, “None of us expected it to work so it’s a miracle that he’s alive.”

A muscle in Jeno’s cheek twitched. Doyoung didn’t notice and went on, “For security and observation purposes we’ll have to keep him here. The same goes for you because we can’t risk you leaking information to anyone who doesn’t have the clearance.”

They passed the open door of a training room where recruits were doing somersaults in mid-air while an instructor yelled at them. Jeno’s eyes widened. Doyoung caught sight of his alarmed expression, “It’s a pretty tough programme and you usually need to pass interviews and tests to get in. You’re a special case so I’m afraid you don’t really get a choice in it.” He said, sounding somewhat rueful.

“It’s fine,” he said, watching them. “I’ll keep up.” Jeno listened quietly as Doyoung continued his tour, hefting his and Jaemin’s bags up his shoulder. They stopped in front of a white door and Doyoung pressed his thumb to the scanner. It unlocked with a beep, the green light flashing. He pushed opened the door to reveal a twin room that wasn’t all that much smaller than their apartment, except for the absence of a kitchenette. “I suppose you’ll want to wash up – ” He didn’t get to finish his sentence before Jeno was dropping the bags on the floor and turning to him. “When are you going to wake Jaemin?”

Doyoung stared at the bags in surprise, “Is that all you have?”

Jeno glanced down, shrugging. “Yeah. Everything else can be thrown or sold, whatever you guys are planning.” He paused, a thought crossing his mind, “Can I get the deposit for the apartment back? It was pretty fucking expensive.”

Doyoung still looked flummoxed. Jeno couldn’t comprehend why. “But that’s so little!” His voice went up a pitch in his surprise, “How do you live off this?” Understanding clicked in him, it was probably the first time Doyoung encountered people like them. It would explain why he acted like an idiot sometimes. Ignorant, probably, but still an idiot. Jeno had met plenty of them at his job. “I’ll talk to Johnny about it, we’ll wire the credit to you.” He was still gazing at their bags in awe.

“Can we go see Jaemin?” Jeno asked pointedly, breaking him out of his daze.

“Oh yeah, of course,” Doyoung fumbled, checking his government-issued Blinker, scrolling through the messages, “I’m not sure if you’re allowed there…”

“I was there in the operating room,” Jeno said, walking past Doyoung and closing the door behind them. “Taeyong should be fine with it.” He had to slow down to let Doyoung pass him, leading them the hospital wing.

Johnny and Taeyong looked up when they entered, the former frowning immediately when he caught sight of Jeno. “No, keep him here,” Taeyong stopped Johnny before he could boot Jeno out the door, “It might help to have a familiar face.” Jaemin was lying on the bed, the blanket drawn up to his chin. They had covered up the metallic limbs with biomaterial skin before they snuck him out of the hospital, passing him off as another regular patient, but Jeno could never forget the image of Jaemin in that room, nothing but bandages and metal. Taeyong toggled with his tablet, muttering to himself as he switched on the chip they implanted into Jaemin’s brain.

“Is he going to be very different?” Jeno couldn’t help asking, reaching out to brush Jaemin’s dark hair away from his face. His face had been meticulously stitched together based on a photo that Jeno had shown them. Jeno inwardly marvelled at the detail, they even got his weird camel eyelashes right. The skin under his fingers was smooth and flawless, practically poreless. It dipped under the pressure of his fingers like actual flesh. Jaemin’s face was at repose, so much different from the usual expressiveness that would contort his face even in sleep.

Taeyong hesitated, “His brain was damaged during the accident and the duration in the BrainEx didn’t help either. We could have used a simple chip to stimulate his brain, but we didn’t want to risk any lasting damage or disability.”

Jeno shook his head, his fingers lingering for a moment more before drawing away. “That wasn’t what I asked.”

This time there was a longer pause. When he spoke, Taeyong’s voice was careful and measured. “The main function of the chip is to help him control the prosthetic limbs at will. But we added a machine-learning algorithm to help him learn frequently performed activities quickly, and another programme to regulate emotional thoughts and keep him calmer and more focused longer than any human can ever be. This was a necessary part of the procedure, it should not interfere with your friend’s original personality much.”

“What about the effects to his body?”

“Minimal. We replaced the damaged parts with our tech so that he’ll be more powerful and energy efficient.” Taeyong regarded Jeno wordlessly for a moment more before saying, “It sounds like a lot but I promise you that this is a wonderful thing. Jaemin is about to become the best of us.” Jeno could feel Johnny’s presence at his back, a silent pressure and reminder. He didn’t say anything else while Taeyong tapped away the tablet.

Jaemin’s eyes flew open. His gaze landed on the three of them, clear-eyed and steady. “Jaemin,” Taeyong enunciated slowly, “Can you move?”

Jaemin’s eyes slid over them until it rested on Jeno. “Jeno?” a hand lifted shakily from the bed, reaching towards him. Jeno caught his hand, gripping it tightly. Like his face, it was smooth and soft, nothing like his own callused ones and nothing like he remembered. Jeno didn’t care, he pressed the hand to his cheek, letting out a shaky breath he didn’t know he was holding. The pressure that had been suffocating him for the past weeks loosened. “Well, that answers our question.” Taeyong sounded relieved, “If you could please move aside a little, Jeno, I need to check up on him.”

Taeyong rattled off a list of questions, doing a quick check all over again to see if he was working alright before straightening up with a giddy smile. “As good as new, it seems.” He rested a hand on Jaemin’s forehead gently, “I’m glad you’re alright now.” Jaemin stared at Taeyong and smiled back, a slow spread across his face. Jeno looked at that pretty smile as Taeyong fussed over him and felt the first cold trickle of uneasiness down his spine. There was a sinking feeling in him, and it was the exact moment when he knew for sure that something had gone wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you get when you put an emotionally constipated person with a robot? That's right, that new tag up there. 
> 
> The Dreamies will come in a couple of chapters from now, sorry for the wait!

Jeno peeked over the top of his book from where he was tucked away in his usual corner away from the others. The older kids were standing around Jaemin, the younger barely visible behind them. It wasn’t unusual to see him surrounded by their peers, but somehow it felt a little weird this time. The kids immediately dispersed when Madam appeared again. Her voice rose, rebuking them sharply and Jaemin’s high voice mingled with it as he denied something.

Jeno had already gone back to his book, Edward was on a rail train with the hobo and it was his favourite part. He had never seen a rail train before, certainly not something that looked like this one. The Levi trains he saw on the rare times that Madam brought them out for a walk were white and shiny. They travelled on long silver rods, not like the wooden planks drilled to the dirt like the rail carts he saw in the book. And they were silent. Jeno didn’t know for sure, he couldn’t have, but he didn’t think that rail trains were very quiet. “Can I read?” Jaemin’s subdued voice broke his concentration. Jeno glanced up, Jaemin was fiddling with the hem of his shirt as he stood in front of Jeno, his mouth turned down at the corners.

Instead of saying anything, Jeno shifted aside to make room. Jaemin adjusted himself to fit between Jeno and the wall, his shoulders jabbing into Jeno’s uncomfortably as he did. They read in silence, Jeno making no effort to read aloud for him. Even when Jeno stopped reading and flipped to the beginning of the book to Jaemin’s favourite picture of the sea, he didn’t say a word. Jeno couldn’t hold back his curiosity anymore and demanded, “What’s with you? I know you can’t read fast.”

“It’s okay,” Jaemin said softly, his eyes fixed on the book. Jeno looked at him with narrowed eyes but he refused to meet his gaze.

“What were you guys talking about?” Jeno asked, going back to the book and flipping a page. As he expected, Jaemin hesitated. It wasn’t something nice then.

“Nothing.” Jaemin continued to resist.

“I thought I was your friend.” Jeno let a bit of a whine bleed into his voice, pouting a little for better effect. It worked, Jaemin jumped in shock, looking at him with wide eyes.

“You are! I’m sorry, Jeno, I didn’t mean to,” Jaemin stumbled over his words in his haste, “It was nothing, really. They just told me to stop stealing all the girls, but I didn’t really understand what they meant.” He sounded confused, but Jeno understood immediately. Jaemin’s smile and disposition meant that the girls liked playing with him because he didn’t step on their dolls like the other boys and he let them pull his hair when they tied ribbons to it. He didn’t care, as do the other children of their age, but he supposed that the older ones didn’t like it. He only knew about it because he read about it in a book.

“You just have to ignore it, Jaem,” he said, his fingers freezing in surprise on the page. He hadn’t intended to say that. Jeno flipped the page quickly but the damage was done. He could practically feel the sadness vanishing and excitement vibrating in its place. He chanced a quick glance over, Jaemin was beaming at him, looking so thoroughly pleased it was as though Jeno had gifted him a whole book.

“Okay,” Jaemin said happily, thankfully not saying anything about the slip up. They went back to the book, reading until Madam called them for their lessons again. That was how they spent most of their years at the orphanage. Lessons, meals, playtime. Jeno continued to read while Jaemin alternated between playing with the other kids and reading over Jeno’s shoulder or listening while Jeno read aloud when he got too impatient. Sometimes Madam would bring one of them out for ‘meetings’ where they met people who would bring them away from here.

Those times were rare and kids who left the place rarer still. That only made the ‘meetings’ more exciting. Jeno didn’t know what to think of it, he didn’t particularly like the idea of going away with a stranger to an unfamiliar place but Madam told him that it was a good thing that would happen if he was good, so perhaps it wasn’t all that bad. If he had to go away someday, Jeno wondered if he would miss Jaemin.

/

Gangwon, 2092

“Excellent work,” their instructor, Ten, remarked as he spun himself around on the swivel chair, tapping his stylus on his lips as he read over Jaemin’s essay on his tablet. “Good use of vocabulary, coherent flow…this was very well done, Na Jaemin.” He smiled at Jaemin, who bowed back. “Now, Jeno…” this came as a sigh.

Jeno fidgeted, knowing what was to come. Japanese and Chinese came to him easily enough, seeing that they were east Asian languages, and English was alright since they learnt the basics before, but French? C’est quoi ce bordel?

Ten tutted, “You would stick out like a tourist the moment you step into France. This was atrocious, don’t tell anyone that you’re my student outside of this room.” Jeno winced, accepting it. This wasn’t close to the harshest comments that he had received over the past year. “Study up,” his voice brooked no argument, “Get Jaemin to help you or practice with Jungwoo and don’t bother coming back until you stop sounding like an idiot.”

They left the room in silence, something that Jeno was growing used to. They had almost reached the lockers of the training room where they had their afternoon combat session when Jaemin spoke up, “Would you like me to help?”

Jeno startled as he was pulling up his shirt, glancing over in surprise. Jaemin was watching him in that cool, blank way of his, patiently waiting for a response. “That would be nice,” he agreed, getting over his surprise and changing into his gym wear.

“Your strength lies in the sciences,” Jaemin went on, tossing aside his own shirt to change. Jeno’s eyes strayed to his chest, tracing the faint line of scars that demarcated the powerful, perfectly muscled limbs and the flesh of his torso. Probably no one could tell aside from him, not even Taeyong, who had overseen the whole operation. But Jeno had grown up and witnessed the accumulation of scars and nicks that were now erased by smooth skin. He felt Jaemin’s eyes on him and he looked away hurriedly, tightening his shoelaces. Belatedly, he realised that Jaemin was expecting a reply. “Sorry, what?”

One corner of Jaemin’s lips turned up slightly, more a flattening of the line of his mouth than anything else. “I said, we will be put into different training regimes if you cannot show them that you can handle multiple disciplines. That would mean that I would be able to go into the field sooner than you.”

“I know, Jaem,” he sighed as he closed the locker door, the nickname slipping out before he could catch it.

There was a confused pause. Jaemin’s eyebrows were furrowed, another outlier in the span of ten minutes. “What did you call me?”

Jeno took a swig of water, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. “Jaem,” he mumbled, the nickname unfamiliar on his tongue after almost three years. It didn’t even take the algorithm one to make him forget, “I used to call you that a lot because it was the only way to get you to stop nagging.”

Jaemin blinked at him slowly, “Was I nagging?”

The door to the lockers swung open, admitting the earlier batch of students who tumbled in, sweaty and groaning in pain. Over the sound of their conversations, Jeno replied evenly, “Not at all, that wasn’t even close.” He moved past Jaemin, brushing the other lightly with his shoulder as he left. Their trainers, Jaehyun and Lucas, were stretching when he entered the room. “How badly did you beat them up?” he called out, half-grinning.

Lucas whooped, bounding towards him for a hug, “Jeno, my man! My favourite student!”

“I thought Jaemin was your favourite,” Jeno accepted the hug, thumping him on his back. He yelped when the taller man lifted him off the ground, just managing to twist out of it before Lucas could body-slam him to the hardwood floor.

Lucas beamed in approval, “See! You worked hard to get to where you’re at, be proud of it! I mean, Jaemin’s great and all, but he ain’t 100% human like you.”

“Lucas, can you take Jaemin for today?” Jaehyun stepped in smoothly, easily proving why he was the best diplomat in their team, “I think you can try aerial combat with him today, try pushing him a bit.”

“Sure thing, man,” Lucas acquiesced easily, going over to meet Jaemin with significantly less enthusiasm. Jaehyun motioned to him, tactfully not saying anything as he led Jeno through warm-up stretches.

For the next three hours, Jeno let his mind blank out as he tackled, punched and kicked, receiving the same back. Unlike his people skills, Jaehyun pulled no punches in the ring, forcing Jeno to put all his focus into fighting. He grunted as Jaehyun’s foot struck like a cobra’s, kicking him solidly in the chest and sending his aching body flying out the ring. Jaehyun panted as he extended a hand to pull Jeno back in, sweat trickling down the black lines of the tattoo around his pale neck. “Not too bad, could work a little on your balance. I got you stumbling a few times there.” Jeno nodded, making a mental note as he tried to catch his breath.

They turned to watch Lucas and Jaemin as they drank some water, the two swinging from platforms elevated to resemble Seoul’s infrastructure as they fought in mid-air. Jaemin leapt, kicking off the wall he was perched against and landing directly above Lucas. His foot lashed out, connecting with Lucas’s shoulder who lost his grip, falling onto the cushioned floor with a muffled thump. “KO!” Jaehyun announced gleefully as Lucas got to his feet, groaning, walking over to where they were at.

“Ugh, how much longer must you guys be here?” Lucas grumbled half-heartedly, reaching over to snag his bottle. “Just get out there and do your thing.”

“You like the challenge,” Jeno pointed out, handing a bottle to Jaemin when he joined them. A light sheen of sweat covered Jaemin’s forehead but that was it. He wasn’t even breathing hard, perks of having respirocytes flowing through your veins.

“We have a final examination left,” Jaemin put in, unscrewing his bottle cap. “And Jeno has yet to pass his French. He is currently our only issue.” A slightly uncomfortable silence ensued. Lucas looked between the two of them uneasily. Jaehyun was watching Jaemin, who was as vacant as usual. Jeno wiped his face with the towel, choosing to ignore it. He didn’t have the energy to bother. Sensing the tension, Jaehyun quickly ended the class and dismissed them. Jeno heard him murmuring to Lucas as they headed to the showers.

“Jeno,” Jaemin’s voice rose above the sound of the running water as he stepped into the shower, the automatic sensor sending down a stream of heated water. “Are you upset?”

Jeno took a deep breath, leaning his head against the cold tile and letting the water run over his sweaty body, washing away the grime. “No,” he answered, keeping his voice steady, “I’m not.” He wasn’t, he really wasn’t, but it was disheartening to shove at a wall that showed no signs of cracking. It’s been three years, three long years for Jeno to kill himself in training only to watch Jaemin change so rapidly, so drastically, his personality and a big part of his memories so deeply suppressed Jeno wondered how much of Jaemin remained behind that flawless face.

“Your expression earlier said otherwise,” foam flowed from Jaemin’s stall to his, draining away as he watched. “Did I say something wrong?” No, he didn’t. Jaemin didn’t say anything factually wrong and he knew it. He was only pointing out a fact. Jeno knew that Jaemin wasn’t asking if what he said was okay, he was only checking to see if he had inadvertently made an impossible mistake. Jeno scrubbed his hair, choosing not to reply. He stepped out of the shower, the stream of water shutting off immediately. Water dripped behind him as he walked over to pick up a towel from the stacks folded neatly at a wall.

He dried his hair roughly, hearing Jaemin come up from behind him. “The way that you are drying your hair will put you at a heightened risk of premature hair fall.” Jeno held back a sigh, only Jaemin can make something so stupid sound so ominous. Jeno rubbed his hair even harder. “Jeno, are you not able to hear me?”

Jeno whirled around, exasperated. Jaemin was still saying, “Perhaps some water entered your ears. I witnessed Jaehyun punching you in the region of your ears earlier. Those may be causes for a temporary loss of hearing.”

“Jaemin, _no_ ,” Jeno held up his hand. He took a deep, steadying breath, praying for patience, “I heard you. Thank you for the advice.”

Jaemin nodded, apparently satisfied. He started to dry his own hair, patting it so slowly that water was still dripping even when Jeno was done dressing up. He watched him for a moment, hesitant. Before, he would have walked over and snatched the towel but things were different between them now. There was a yawning chasm that Jeno wasn’t sure how to bridge. He bit his lip, pushing away his apprehension. Jaemin glanced up when Jeno tugged the towel away from him, drying his hair in his stead. “You’re so slow.”

“I apologise. I was trying to exert the least amount of force to – ”

“Jaemin, your hair isn’t going to fall out.” Jeno tugged at his hair, “You have strong hair and an even stronger head, you don’t need to worry about that.” He passed the towel over Jaemin’s face gently, concealing the puzzled frown for a moment. “You’ll still be handsome even when you’re bald, anyway.” He draped the towel over Jaemin’s shoulder, fingers brushing the smooth biomaterial as he did.

He left the showers quickly, bowing to Yuta, their psychological coercion instructor when he passed. Jeno dropped by the mess hall just long enough to snag a banana before retreating to his and Jaemin’s shared room, knowing that the other would never skip out on something as important as nutrition. Jeno normally wouldn’t, but today he had more pressing matters than a skipped meal.

The door beeped when he pressed his thumb against the pad, unlocking and letting him swing it open. It was less of a room and more of a large studio with each of them taking one side. Despite their training, Jeno could never quite get his side to look as impeccably austere as Jaemin’s. He went over to his table, pulling out the tablet from a drawer and curling at a corner on his bed with it. Damn French. Ten would keep his word, and Jeno wasn’t too interested in finding out if they will separate him from Jaemin to send the other out into the field.

The door clicked open quietly while Jeno was struggling to memorise vocabulary. Jaemin moved around the room near soundlessly as he hung up his jacket and put away his stuff before seating himself at Jeno’s table. “What?” Jeno looked up when Jaemin continued to stare at him in that unnerving way of his without saying anything.

“I believe that I will be able to help you improve,” Jaemin said in a monotone, back ramrod straight and hands folded in his lap. He was about the most unconvincing teacher Jeno had ever seen in his life. Jeno squinted at him and shrugged, moving aside on the bed to make room. He patted the space beside him, looking at Jaemin expectantly.

Jaemin’s eyebrows were knit together for the second time today, a personal record. “Studying on the bed does not seem conducive.” Jeno was already reaching forward, tugging Jaemin onto the bed. He considered for a moment and complied willingly enough, Jeno would have ended up yanking out his arm if he had chosen not to. Jaemin settled onto the bed a little uncertainly, shifting when Jeno pushed him up against the corner where the bed met the table, resting his head on Jaemin’s shoulder.

There was a silence while Jeno held his breath, waiting to see if Jaemin was going to move away like he had multiple times. He let out his breath when Jaemin started speaking, explaining to him grammar rules and coming up with examples.

It wasn’t much, but Jeno would take what he can. At the beginning, when he first saw that peculiar smile on Jaemin, he had dismissed it as a fluke. Over a month it quickly accumulated into a sick, solid lump of certainty that something had changed about Jaemin. The strange smile from the first day grew colder and colder, like someone was pulling his lips back, until it faded entirely. Jaemin was so _calm._ He didn’t get angry, or flustered, or make stupid jokes.

The breaking point was when Jeno slumped against him after an exhausting day of training and almost fell over when Jaemin moved away. It was so unbelievable that Jeno had stared at him for a few seconds, mouth agape. That proved to be just the beginning.

Here they were, almost three years later and Jeno was still nowhere closer to finding Jaemin.

/

“Don’t you ever get tired of that book?” Hyunwoo asked, leaning against the bookcases Jeno had chosen to tuck himself in that day because the other kids had started playing near his usual corner and their talking annoyed him. Jeno shook his head, not really bothering to look at him.

“Why do you talk to Jaemin? He’s a loser,” Hyunwoo sneered, glancing over to where Jaemin was sitting patiently while some girls braided his hair. Even from this distance, Jeno could see him wincing when the rubber bands got stuck in his hair. “He keeps playing with the girls,” Hyunwoo added spitefully, as though it made any difference.

Jeno ignored him and continued reading his book. “You should stop talking to him or we won’t talk to you either.” Hyunwoo threatened. Jeno flipped a page. This apparently incensed Hyunwoo and he made a grab for the book. Jeno, who had been watching him out of the corner of his eyes, yanked the book away, causing him to miss and stumble. “If you don’t go away, I will tell Madam that you made Seohyun cry last week.” Jeno said, still not bothering to look at Hyunwoo.

The other boy finally left him with a huff, storming towards where Jaemin and the girls were seated and shoving Jaemin hard. The girls screamed just as Madam came back into the room. “Hyunwoo!” she yelled while Jaemin quickly scrambled to sit next to Jeno. He stayed next to Jeno when they went to collect their lunch from Madam and sit at the dinner table, tucking his legs under him and sitting as close as he can. Jeno nudged him away with his knee, “Go away, you’re too close.”

“Eggs! My favourite!” Jaemin said happily as he picked up his chopsticks, apparently not hearing a word. He made a face as he nudged the beansprouts away. Jeno scowled, pushing his too warm body away.

“Madam won’t be happy if you don’t eat your vegetables.”

He flinched when Hyunwoo sat down next to him suddenly. He looked back, checking to see that Madam was busy with the other kids at the back of the room. Hyunwoo grabbed Jaemin’s egg roll off his plate, putting it on his and dumping the bean sprouts in place. “You don’t mind right, Jaemin?” Hyunwoo said, putting the eggs into his mouth and swallowing. “I like eggs a lot.”

Jeno looked up from his rice to peek at Jaemin. The other boy looked like he was about to cry, lips already setting into a pout. Hyunwoo, seeing the same, quickly said, “We’re friends, aren’t we? Friends share food.”

It was such a stupid statement coming from someone who had literally shoved Jaemin less than ten minutes ago, but Jaemin seemed to be considering it, no doubt remembering what Madam liked to remind them about. He stared down at his plate sadly and started picking at it. “Jaemin! Eat your food properly!” Jaemin startled, shoving the beansprouts into his mouth. Jeno would have offered a bit of his egg to Jaemin with how often he looked at it longingly, but he was annoyed with how stupid Jaemin was being that he ended up eating the whole thing himself.

After their meal, they went and returned their plates before going to collect their daily cup of milk. Jaemin followed Jeno from behind, chocolate milk in his hand. “Jeno, can we read the book today? I haven’t had a chance to read it yet.”

“Okay.” Jeno laid the book down on their study tables. “But I want to draw this first.” There was a picture of Edward tied to a cross during his time as a scarecrow and Jeno wanted to draw in stars in the background. He liked stars, even though he had never seen them in real life before. They looked so pretty in the books.

Jaemin peered over his shoulder, sucking on his milk noisily. “Don’t do that, Jaemin,” he frowned just as Jaemin suddenly bumped into his shoulder as though shoved from behind, dropping his cup onto the book. The milk went _everywhere_. It splattered onto the table and on Jeno’s shirt, the chocolate milk soaking into the book which started absorbing it alarmingly fast. Jeno made a cry of despair, lifting the book off the table and trying to shake off as much of the milk as he can.

Madam came running over at the noise, a rag already in her hand. “Jeno, stop shaking it! You’re getting it everywhere!”

Jeno ignored her, shaking the book as desperately as he can. The pages were soaked and dripping chocolate milk, the frail, yellowed pages falling apart from the moisture in his hands. Jeno wailed, tears pricking his eyes. Jaemin and Madam jumped at the sound, staring at him with astonished eyes. He snatched the rag from Madam’s hands, dabbing at the pages frantically. It only made the delicate paper rip apart further. “It’s alright, Jeno,” Madam tried but it was too late. Jeno ran to the bathroom, clutching his book. Tears started to pour down his cheeks in earnest now that he was away from the curious eyes of the other kids.

“Jeno!” Jaemin was calling his name as he ran after Jeno. Jeno slammed the door of the stall behind him, sitting on the porcelain bowl and trying to muffle his crying. “Jeno?”

“Go away!” Jeno screamed, “You’re so clumsy, don’t come near me again!”

“I’m sorry, Jeno,” Jaemin sounded like he was in tears too. “I really didn’t mean to, I really wasn’t!”

“That’s what you always say,” Jeno snapped, his anger making words pour out of his mouth like poison. He wanted to hurt Jaemin, to make him feel as bad as Jeno is right now. “You always say that, but you know what? It’s because you’re _stupid_! You’re stupid and that’s why you get things wrong!”

There was a sudden silence. “I’m…really really sorry, Jeno.” Jaemin whispered.

“Just go away.” Jeno tore some tissue to dab at his eyes, tears falling onto the ruined pages and making more tears rise in his eyes.

The door clicked shut quietly as Jaemin left.

/

Jeno didn’t talk to Jaemin for four days. He didn’t even have to try to avoid the other, because Jaemin would slink away as soon as he saw Jeno. Even when they were in the same room, Jaemin would curl in on himself as though Jeno was going to start yelling at him from across the room.

Madam had wanted to throw the book away but Jeno had cried so much that she ended up tearing away the ruined pages and putting it back in the bookshelf. Jeno was still too upset to even look at it, so he read a book about a little prince instead. Although Jeno loathed to admit, it was a lot quieter now that Jaemin wasn’t hanging over his shoulder all the time. Even the other kids avoided him, probably scared off by his rare tantrum.

Jeno sat alone during mealtimes, pretending not to watch while Hyunwoo seized his absence to bully Jaemin even more. Poor Jaemin didn’t know what to do every time Hyunwoo did something mean and followed it up with a whine that they were friends. At this point Jeno couldn’t decide who he disliked more.

About a week after the incident, a familiar shadow fell over him while he was in his usual corner. Jeno stayed quiet, refusing to speak. “Jeno…” Jaemin’s voice was timid. When he didn’t reply, Jaemin went on, emboldened by the lack of mean words. “I tried to fix it as much as I can. It’s not good enough, I know, but I tried my best.”

“If it’s not good enough why did you even try?” Jeno said unkindly, finally looking up to throw a contemptuous glance at the book Jaemin was holding out.

Jaemin recoiled, looking hurt. “It made you so sad and I don’t want you to stay sad anymore. At least take a look, please? I even drew in some pictures.”

“It’s not the same if it’s spoilt,” Jeno mumbled, “It’s not the same as before.”

“But it’s the same book,” Jaemin tried to persuade him, “I tried to copy the words as much as I can and Madam helped me to glue them in. You’re so smart, Jeno, you could probably remember the words better than me.” When Jeno showed no signs of relenting, Jaemin drooped. “I’ll just…leave it here.”

He trudged away slowly. Jeno refused to touch the book lying near his feet, determined to _not_ look at the book because it’s ruined now, and it’s Jaemin’s fault, and even if he fixed it, it won’t be the same. When Madam came to fetch Jeno for his ‘meeting’, Jeno was hunched over the book, fingering the white paper scrawled with Jaemin’s horrible handwriting and frowning at how many words he spelled wrong. His drawing was no better. The sea he had clearly put the most effort in was basically a grass field. “Come along now, Jeno,” she said, fighting a smile as she took the book from his hands and put it into the bookshelf. “Jaemin spent a lot of time on that,” she told him as she brought him to get dressed in nicer clothes.

“It’s not the same,” he muttered stubbornly. He was getting tired of saying it.

“Of course it isn’t,” Madam agreed, taking his hand as they walked to the meeting room. “And maybe it isn’t good enough, but you still wouldn’t want me to throw it away, would you?”

Jeno didn’t answer. He privately thought to himself that if it were up to him, he wouldn’t stop at ‘not good enough’. He would make it perfect. What’s the point of trying if you’re not going to do it right? Still, Jeno fidgeted uncomfortably, it was nice of Jaemin. He never had anyone do this for him.

The couple today was a man and a woman. They were dressed in pretty clothes whose material glittered in the light and hurt his eyes. The material looked so stiff, not like the soft ones Jeno was wearing. When Madam started talking to them, he sat up straight, observing them quietly while they talked about wanting to ‘try something new’ and how ‘non-pedigree children are _so_ interesting’. They started asking him questions; What’s your name? How old are you? What do you like to play?

Jeno answered them all in a soft voice, taking care to pronounce his words properly and smile at the right times in a way that he knew made his eyes crinkle up. They seemed to take delight in that, cooing at him. Madam was smiling at him too, pleased. They got up to go on a tour around the place, Jeno hopping off the chair and shyly holding onto the woman’s hand, pretending to look away when she beamed at him. They chattered to Madam as she showed them around, pointing out Jeno’s neatly made bed with the folded blankets. They made sounds of approval and Madam patted his head as she passed.

Jeno wanted to ask her if he was doing it right, if he was going to be taken away by these people, but it didn’t seem like the right time. Jeno wasn’t sure if he wanted to go. He stared hard at the woman’s hand holding his. Her hands were softer than Madam’s and they were nice to him, but Jeno didn’t know them and he didn’t like things that he wasn’t sure of. Still, he had to behave himself at least until they left.

It was when they got to the main room that things went downhill very quickly. Madam was introducing the room to them, telling them that this was where they normally spent their days studying or playing or eating. As they entered, Jeno caught sight of Jaemin backed into a corner, surrounded by the same boys who had cornered him before with Hyunwoo at the centre of it all. Jaemin was clutching Jeno’s mended book to his chest, eyes wide and frightened as they tried to take the book from him. Madam had evidently seen them too because she started to raise her voice, “Hyunwoo!”

Jeno was faster, he was already letting go of the woman’s hand and picking up the heavy book Madam said was a dictionary. It was small but thick and it had a hardcover. It also happened to be Jeno’s least favourite book. Before the three adults could react, Jeno had swung his arm as hard as he could, slinging the dictionary directly to the back of Hyunwoo’s head. It bounced off him with a thud, the boy making a cry of pain. But Jeno wasn’t done. He was running forward, snatching up a plastic doll that looked a little like the nice people who had come in with him and throwing it again.

This time it landed on Hyunwoo’s face and he screamed. Jeno felt a rush of satisfaction at that, even when his nose started bleeding. That made all the kids scream and even Jaemin turned pale. The adults behind him gasped, Madam was trying to calm the kids down and soothe the horrified couple and scold Jeno all at once. Jeno pulled out of her grip and walked towards Hyunwoo. The adults were shouting at Madam angrily as they left, saying something about how ‘non-pedigree kids are dangerous! I told you but you didn’t listen!’

Madam ran after them, Jeno hadn’t even bothered giving them a second look. He knew that he had messed up this meeting to record levels of disaster. No one ever did that. No one liked the feeling of being left behind, no one more so than Jaemin, who always took it too personally and would probably be mad at Jeno after this. At this moment, Jeno couldn’t find it in himself to care.

He walked towards them, stopping a few paces in front of a crying Hyunwoo. Behind him, Jaemin was still holding the book to his chest. Now that he was closer he could see the scratches and bruises on Jaemin’s skinny arms where they had attempted to snatch it from him. Only Jaemin would be stupid enough to resist people twice his size just to protect a book. A book that he thought Jeno hadn’t had a chance to look at yet.

An unfamiliar anger rose in him and he looked around at the ring of children, looking at every single one of them in the eye, feeling rage burn in his gaze. “I will find out if you bother him again.” He spoke clearly, letting his voice ring into the silence. Jeno stepped right up into Hyunwoo’s personal space, boring his eyes into the other. “I will find out and then I will find you.” 

Hyunwoo balked, cowering away from him while he scrabbled at his still bleeding nose. One of the older boys took a step towards Jeno, stopping in place when Jeno stared him down. Madam burst back into the room, roaring his name, “Jeno!”

Jeno didn’t get a new family that day and he never would until the day he left the orphanage. But he did earn himself a nasty beating from Madam and permanent peace and quiet during playtime.

And, rather reluctantly, he also got himself a Jaemin.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should add that this is my first time writing emotional shit so....things might be awkward. Anyways, I hope this one gives a better clue to what their relationship is like!

Jaemin and he stood in front of Johnny at his office, hands behind their back and backs straight. He scrolled through their reports on his tablet, betraying nothing on his face. It was a miracle that Jeno managed to get his French to an acceptable standard within three weeks, but he knew that acceptable was never going to be good enough in a place like this. “Jeno, your French…” and there it is. Jeno straightened up. Johnny put down his tablet, regarding them critically. “Your French is never going to pass for a native speaker,” Johnny said, speaking without embellishment like usual, “But your physical and psychological records are spotless and your instructors have nothing but praise. Lucas seems to be particularly fond of you.” Johnny’s lips curled up to a cat-like smile. “As for Jaemin…”

Next to him, Jaemin remained motionless, back already ramrod straight. “Taeyong’s tests show that you’re performing as well as we hoped. The only issue in your results was in the social part of infiltration. Your instructor said that you needed explicit instructions on your role, which isn’t a big problem to deal with, but also that your expressions were a little off.” Johnny squinted at him, seeing what Jeno saw all day, every day. Jaemin stared back emotionlessly. “Yeah, okay, I know what they mean. Hmm…” Johnny sighed, “You two are making it hard for me.” They stood in silence while he leaned back in his chair and thought.

“Jaemin,” he said after a while. Jaemin inclined his head, “The details of your final examination will be emailed to you. Jeno,” he turned his gaze onto Jeno, “your training will be extended. Dismissed.” Jaemin saluted, leaving the room. Jeno stayed, waiting for Johnny to look up again. Johnny ignored him, going back to his tablet.

“I pose a tangible benefit to Agent Na Jaemin,” Jeno broke the silence when Johnny showed no indication of acknowledging him.

“You’re a human,” Johnny replied, still staring at his tablet, “you’re never going to be as good as a cyborg.”

“It is precisely that which is both his biggest weakness and my biggest advantage,” Jeno said before Johnny reached the end of his patience. That caught his attention, Johnny raised an eyebrow. It was the closest to a prompt that he would receive. “The chip in Na Jaemin’s brain struggles with the creativity and empathy needed for social interaction. Without a partner, it could pose a significant problem in the field at unusual situations or people and is something I could make up for.”

“You aren’t the only recruit we have,” Johnny steepled his fingers. He wasn’t trying to be cruel, he was presenting a challenge.

Jeno inclined his head in agreement, “And I have worked with him the longest.” Jeno didn’t bother bringing up that it would be far easier to come up with a cover story about his French than it is to find someone better suited to work with him than Jeno. Jaemin’s shitty social skills was the biggest obstacle to his full potential for the uninitiated and Jeno had spent three years working through it.

Johnny stared at him for a few long moments while Jeno tried not to blink. He finally broke the eye contact and pulled up his tablet, “The examination will be done in a team of two.” That was all he said, and that was enough for Jeno. He just needed one chance to prove that he was indispensable to Jaemin.

Jaemin was already gone by the time he left the office, something that was of no surprise to him. _Taeyong_ standing outside of Johnny’s office instead of heading straight in was unusual. He looked up from his tablet when the door opened, a frown wrinkling his forehead when he saw Jeno. “Jeno,” he called when Jeno bowed to him and made to leave.

“Sir?”

Taeyong watched him for a moment, chewing his lips. “I just got the email about the examination. Congratulations.” Jeno bowed again, staying in place. There was something that Taeyong wanted to say and he knew that his presence would be enough of a pressure to get the words out. “It seems that you’re going to be on the same team as Jaemin?”

He was and everyone in the department knew it. There was no reason to ask again when it was no doubt in the email that had popped up on both their tablets and their Blinkers by now. It was obvious that Taeyong was stalling. Jeno nodded, keeping his gaze levelled calmly on Taeyong. That did it, “You need to keep an eye on Jaemin.” He said in a rush.

Jeno tilted his head, keeping his expression clear of the anxiety that bubbled up at the ominous words. “Jaemin is…a very good soldier.” Taeyong started, sounding unsure how to begin, “I’m sure that you already noticed how he follows every order down to the T without question,” Taeyong stopped again, deliberating his words, “We have been handling him in controlled situations so far but this assignment may take you out of base. We don’t have enough information to map a clear understanding of how he behaves. And considering how volatile humans can be it will only complicate matters.”

Taeyong rested a hand on the door, getting ready to go in, “I won’t say much, only that I suggest you watch him closely because he might do something that is obvious to him, but unexpected to us.”

“I understand, sir – Taeyong,” he corrected, remembering that Taeyong wasn’t fond of titles. Jeno bowed again, leaving for the training room while Taeyong entered Johnny’s office. He was distracted during his training, just barely enough that no one other than Jaehyun could pick up on it.

“Something on your mind?” Jaehyun slammed him down on the mat, drawing back and letting him jump up.

“It won’t come up again.” Jeno said in lieu of an answer, knowing that it wasn’t an actual question. Jaehyun was giving him a necessary reminder. He pushed it out of his mind, getting ready for the next attack.

It came, but not in a way that he expected. Jaehyun wasn’t the designated Chess Master of the team for no reason. His degree in psychology was proof of that. “Jaemin is the liability in your examination, isn’t he?”

Jeno didn’t answer, dodging a punch from Jaehyun. Unfortunately, this was the only person aside from Johnny who wouldn’t give under mental pressure. He waited patiently, doubling the speed and intensity of his attacks to wear Jeno down mentally and physically. “It’s too soon to make a prediction,” Jeno grunted, trying to hold out. It wasn’t anything personal, but he didn’t trust a single one of them in this place not to accidentally mention something that would put Jaemin at a disadvantage, not when they were already so on edge about Jaemin’s entire existence. Jaemin 2.0 was even less endearing than Jeno at his worst.

“It’s going to be your first mission, even if it’s an examination,” Jaehyun said, smiling in approval when Jeno landed a good hit. “Which means that it will be Jaemin’s first actual introduction to society after his operation and his reaction may be unpredictable.”

The irony, Jeno barely held back a scoff at that. There was no need to give Jaehyun any more fodder than he already has, he was already putting the pieces together without Jeno’s input. “I trust that you two will do well,” He said simply.

Jeno almost stumbled in surprise. Despite his social nature, Jaehyun was notoriously reserved, more than Johnny even. His surprise didn’t go unnoticed, Jaehyun grinned at him, “I don’t know about Jaemin, but you have a good head on your shoulders and no one else here knows him – before and after – better than you.”

Later that day, after they had retired to their rooms, Jeno jumped onto his bed and pulled up the email from Taeil containing the details of their examination, perusing it with narrowed eyes.

Mark Lee, a Canadian of Korean descent. The passport-sized photo attached in the email showed a man in his twenties with round eyes and eyebrows that gave him a look of perpetual surprise. Their mission was relatively simple; they had to extract a file from his personal tablet without getting detected. He scrolled through the email but came up blank. That was literally all the information they had. No residential address, no last recorded sighting, not even a school. The given name was probably fake too. There were approximately 50 million people in South Korea, not including tourists. Jeno didn’t even know if this guy was going to be in disguise.

It could be worse, Jeno supposed, the only real problem Jeno can foresee is how they’re going to get near his tablet long enough to extract the file, considering that everyone has it practically glued to their hands. “What do you think, Jaemin?” Jeno asked aloud.

Jaemin swivelled around on his chair from where he had been sitting stiffly at his table. “Swiping the tablet is out of the question if we need to avoid raising suspicion,” he said, coolly methodical, “That leaves us either the option of accessing it when he is asleep or luring him away from it for a few minutes.”

“We’ll have to figure out where he even is in the first place,” Jeno said thoughtfully, leaving his bed to sprawl across Jaemin’s. He could feel Jaemin’s eyes on him as he made himself comfortable. “May I ask what you are doing?”

Jeno flipped over to his stomach to meet Jaemin’s eyes. “I like being on your bed.”

“We have the same bed.”

“I like yours better.”

Jaemin looked blank. Jeno could imagine the algorithm whirring in his brain, trying to make sense of Jeno’s statement. The old Jaemin would have jumped onto Jeno and clung onto him for as long as he could, always up for a cuddle. This Jaemin simply stared, pretty face void of expression.

Jeno swallowed, contemplating his next move. If Jeno was going to be honest with himself, this Jaemin was entirely a stranger to him. He didn’t hang off Jeno’s shoulder talking his ear off, he didn’t seek out Jeno to sit by in quiet companionship and he certainly didn’t initiate any skin contact at all.

Jeno…Jeno never realised how lonely his life was without his only friend.

It was an unusual feeling because Jeno normally liked to spend his time on the outside, observing people at an arm’s length without letting them close. Yet without Jaemin at his side it felt emptier, like he was a ghost drifting along the world, meaningless and distant, like it wouldn’t matter if he was there or not.

It wasn’t a nice feeling. 

It’s been three years and Jeno missed his friend more than he had ever missed anything. And Jeno was not a person who missed anything at all. As he looked at Jaemin he felt a sudden ache of longing, “Jaemin, could you come over?”

Jaemin obeyed immediately, seating himself on the edge of the bed. Jeno got to his knees, sitting back on his heels and watching him cautiously.

Three years of Jeno watching Jaemin and wondering where he was and whether he was going to come back. Three years and all he had to show for it was this stranger. If Jeno wanted Jaemin back, it was time for him to do something about it. Even if it meant finally stepping out of his comfort zone.

He carefully reached forward and hugged Jaemin, hooking his chin over his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” the question came immediately, impersonal and uninviting.

“I…want a hug. If that’s okay?” Jeno’s voice shook. He never had to ask for that before.

There was a pause as Jaemin considered it. “There does not appear to be a harm in that.” In Jaemin’s language, that was as close to an okay as he would get.

“Could you hug me back?” This time his voice was even softer. Jaemin turned around, complying immediately. Jeno pushed away the depressing thought that he was probably doing this because it was an order, choosing instead to pull Jaemin down and crawl until he was on lying on top of Jaemin in a more comfortable position. He didn’t have a clue how to reach Jaemin, but he figured skin contact would be a start. Jaemin did like hugs.

“It should not be difficult to locate him,” Jaemin said, his deep voice reverberating in his chest as he picked up where their conversation stopped earlier. “We have a picture that we can feed into a facial recognition system and find out where he is at.”

Jeno nodded, “Let’s also run through the CCTVs on the street and check for places he frequents. We might be able to swipe the tablet then.” The problem was how they were going to get to a system like that. The base would definitely have one, but it wasn’t accessible to recruits like them. Doyoung didn’t seem like he would let the both of them fiddle with his computers either, especially for an examination. That meant that they have to access the personal tablet of a permanent staff, all of whom would be fully aware of their examination details and would be on guard against them.

He made no move to get off Jaemin, sifting through his options. Jeno shifted to lie on his side, slinging one leg around Jaemin’s waist as he pulled the blanket over them both in a parody of Jaemin’s usual habits. Despite having slept together for years, this was the first time that Jeno was so close and yet so far from Jaemin. He usually kicked Jaemin away, too afraid of letting him snuggle close but unwillingly aware of his reassuring presence. Now he could hardly feel Jaemin. It wasn’t a nice thought and Jeno happily let it fade away as he drifted off.

/

Since Jeno was small all he knew was the inside of the orphanage. He knew that it took up two levels of a tall building; the basement and the ground level. He knew the corridors by heart and he was familiar enough with the surrounding neighbourhood when Madam brought them out for their walks. When he got older and was allowed to wander off by himself, he knew to avoid the dark corners and the people who loitered outside of pubs. Aside from these, Jeno didn’t know much of anything else.

There weren’t enough workers nor funds at the orphanage to bring them on trips outside of their modest neighbourhood, so Jeno used his mini excursions to explore and find out as much as he could of the outside world. Jaemin of course, tagged along without fail.

“Why don’t you go your own way?” Jeno asked half-heartedly when Jaemin detached himself from their little group to bound after Jeno. He didn’t mind the other, not really, because Jaemin was a nice companion who knew when to be quiet and never made Jeno do anything he didn’t want to.

“Am I bothering you?” Jaemin asked instead, his voice steady. Jeno had evidently rubbed off on Jaemin over the years; the other was calmer and a lot less prone to crying fits when faced with rejection, much to the relief of everyone in the orphanage, Jeno included.

Jeno glanced disdainfully at the girl who had come along, clutching tightly onto Jaemin’s hand. Being fifteen, they were classified as the older kids and were delegated the job of helping Madam watch over the younger ones. None of Jeno’s wards had imprinted on him the way five-year-old Mina did to Jaemin. On the contrary, they seemed rather eager to escape Jeno. “I’m trying to scout the area,” he warned, “I’ll be walking a lot so if she starts crying that’s on you.”

“I’ll take care of her,” Jaemin hoisted the girl up, pressing a kiss to her chubby cheek which she giggled at, before putting her back down. “I’ll carry her if she gets tired.”

Jeno grimaced at the action, eyeing Jaemin’s waifish figure doubtfully. The other still isn’t showing any signs of bulking up, likely because he still gave his food to the younger ones when they were hungry. Jaemin still did stupid things like this sometimes and it annoyed Jeno to no end. “Why do you keep scouting the area? I think even I can draw a map of this whole neighbourhood by now.”

“We’re leaving next year,” Jeno replied tersely as they set off down the street. Their little neighbourhood was a lot less menacing in the day. The graffiti and neon lights which covered every wall were muted to an almost pastel shade. The bars that reeked of alcohol and cigarettes were silent and dark, their solar generators charging under the sun. The streets were almost completely deserted of people with the occasional pedestrian zooming past on their Boardwalker. Supply trucks rumbled past them, spewing black smoke into their faces. Jeno tugged Jaemin away from the road, the other conjuring a ragged piece of rag out of nowhere to cover Mina’s face.

“There’s so many things I need to find out. What job can we do? Where do we live? How much are expenses going to be? How does it work in other neighbourhoods? We don’t really have much going for us, Jaem,” Jeno voiced aloud. Jaemin put a hand on his arm and with a start, Jeno realised how frantic he sounded.

“We have a year to figure it out,” Jaemin reassured him, pulling him around to look at him in the eye, “Madam will help us, we’ll figure it out. You don’t have to fix everything yourself.” It was nice of Jaemin but Jeno still wasn’t reassured. For his sake, Jeno pretended to listen, tucking the worry away to the back of his mind. Jaemin didn’t feed off other people’s moods as much anymore but he still picked up on Jeno’s emotions and Jeno always had to be careful to hide his emotions to avoid upsetting Jaemin.

That turned out to be one of the few times Jaemin turned out to be right. Madam found them a job at a restaurant called the Nyx and Jeno spent the rest of the year obsessively poring over whatever information of the outside world he could get his hands on to ease his nerves. Despite all his meticulous preparation, nothing prepared him for the experience of taking a Levi train for the first time.

The year that he and Jaemin turned sixteen, they walked over to the station after bidding goodbye to Madam, the latter shamelessly sniffling while he clung onto a teary-eyed Madam. Jeno bowed deeply, something he usually never did, and Madam had patted his cheek before they left their home of sixteen years. The station was a pretty long walk from the orphanage and Jeno almost felt foolish with how slow they were compared to the people zooming past them on their Boardwalkers. He certainly felt self-conscious enough by the dirty looks thrown their way.

“Why do they keep looking at us like that?” Jaemin shuffled closer to whisper, sounding bewildered and slightly hurt.

“I don’t know,” Jeno chanced a cautious glance around them. They were the only ones without a Boardwalker and their clothes weren’t like what other people were wearing, but it didn’t seem like a good reason for looking at them with so much hostility.

They reached the building where the station was at and took the lift up to the 50th floor. Jeno felt his heart drop to his feet when the lift surged up abruptly and from the little gasp, Jaemin did too. The lift opened up to a big empty space where a Levi train was just starting to depart beyond a bunch of metal gates. No one here had a Boardwalker with them. Someone bumped into them, muttering angrily and they quickly moved to a corner away from the stream of people that kept coming.

“Jeno, look at the Levi train! It looks so cool!” Jaemin shook his arm, voice pitched high in awe despite having starting to break a while ago. Jeno was too busy trying to figure out how to get in to share his excitement. People were passing their wrists over the gates when they entered, the metal bands on their wrists flashing as they did so.

“We need to wear the bands, I think,” Jeno dug through his bag, looking for his band. Madam said that they were called Blinkers and they could use it to buy stuff they needed. His metal band was a plain silver colour, much less fancy than everyone else’s and Jeno was sure that he wouldn’t be able to speak into it like how everyone else was. They strapped it on, swiping it over the gates and got onto the Levi train, grabbing onto the metal poles when it took off suddenly. “Woah,” Jaemin breathed, lips inches from his ear.

Woah was the right word. Jeno had never seen Seoul from the 50th storey before. The Levi train snaked between skyscrapers, passing by Aeri lifts transporting people between nearby buildings. From ground level, Jeno always thought that they could touch the sky. Now that he was up here, he could just barely see the tops of the buildings, although they were still stomach-churningly tall. There were a lot more shops at this level compared to the ground level. Through the glass of the buildings, Jeno could see Retainers arranging clothes back onto the racks from where they were thrown onto the floor by customers, the motions of their metallic arms stiff and regular. They were so entranced that they almost missed their stop entirely, scrambling out of the train and almost falling over in shock.

Apgujeong station was _massive_. The ceiling stretched high above their heads, further than the one they boarded at Sanggye. The walls and ceiling were white and glimmering like the Aeri lifts and images flashed on the occasional wall, alternating between the subway maps and the directions to the nearby places. Jeno pulled Jaemin towards the exit from where he was standing, gaping at the place. It took them a while to navigate the place and find the lift that would take them up to the 121st floor where the restaurant was located. By then, Jeno’s nerves were strung tight from the anxiety of a new job and the prickling sensation of the sneers that never seemed to stop.

“Are you excited?” Jeno nudged Jaemin. The other boy wasn’t faring as well, his emotions were written across his face like a slogan.

“I guess,” he replied in a strangled voice.

“We just gotta do well, okay?” Jeno said while the lift was going up, trying to reassure himself too, “Just go there and do our thing so we can earn the money we need. Let’s not spoil this chance.” It hadn’t been easy for them to find this job and Madam had chipped in when they gathered their sixteen years of allowance to cover the deposit and three month rental, Jeno didn’t want to waste all that effort because of something as minor as _nerves_.

People got off on various levels until it was just the two of them left in the lift. On impulse, Jeno reached over and squeezed Jaemin’s hand, letting go quickly. Jaemin jumped and smiled at him, some of the tension loosening from his shoulders. The lift doors opened to a dimly lit foyer, the floor outlined in black and white and a strange contraption Jeno knew was called a chandelier hung from above, lighting up the place with a glow. He had never seen something like this out of a book. They stepped out cautiously, the floors were so white Jeno was almost afraid to step onto them. The whole place was silent and empty. “Where do we go?” Jaemin whispered to him.

“I don’t know,” Jeno whispered back. It somehow felt weird to raise his voice, like he shouldn’t break the silence. Ahead of them, directly across the lifts, was a huge white counter flanked on both sides by massive doors of black glass. A man emerged from one of them, striding towards them. He checked his tablet as he did, squinting at their faces. “Jeno and Jaemin? Come this way, please,” he spoke briskly, already turning back to where he came from.

The restaurant was larger than any room that Jeno had ever been to. Square tables covered with white cloths dotted the room, surrounded by comfortable looking chairs of taupe leather and matching the dove gray colour scheme of the walls. In the middle of the place was a large bar made of a material so black it seemed to swallow light, highlighting the colourful liquids in glass bottles. They followed the man through the room, their footsteps muffled by the soft carpet beneath their feet. “My name is Moon Taeil and I am the manager of the Nyx,” he introduced himself, “The restaurant opens at 6 pm sharp every day so I will need you two to come in at 4 pm to help set up.”

Taeil looked them over with an assessing gaze, “You two are handsome enough, I suppose,” he muttered to himself, “A little young, but we could work that to our advantage.”

“Are there no Retainers here?” Jeno asked.

Taeil shook his head, “No, we try to avoid it as much as we can. The customers prefer the company of humans. They certainly pay enough for it.” He said under his breath.

They entered another room near the back of the restaurant that had a row of metal lockers on one side. The man handed them a suit each, the kind that was old-fashioned like the ones Jeno saw in books, pushing them in the direction of the changing rooms. “For today, I want you two to watch and learn and for god’s sake, please clean yourself up a little. I can smell the reek of the streets from you two.”

Over the next six months, Jeno and Jaemin got used to working at the Nyx. Jeno was assigned to service duty almost immediately because of what Taeil called his ‘silver tongue’ while Jaemin was relegated to bar duty, a task he immensely enjoyed. It was tiring at the beginning because Jeno hated talking to people but he started to entertain himself by treating it as a game, to pull as many stories as he could out of his customers, especially the ones that came alone. And there were a _lot_ of them.

Somewhere in him he knew it was wrong, but he took a twisted sort of pleasure from it. Jeno liked seeing their beautiful faces crumple as they spoke of their pain, of their loneliness while he purred the right words to them and left his arm on their exposed arms for just the right amount of time. He liked seeing their frowns smooth out as they smile at him shakily, telling him that it had been so long since they told someone who understood.

He liked the tips they left behind even better.

It wasn’t always ugly words, sometimes the customers talked about their work. Jeno didn’t know anything before he came, but he was adept at saying the right things to wheedle more information to fill up the gaps in his knowledge while masking it as conversation. It was through these customers that the innocence Jeno didn’t know he had chipped away and he started to find out about the concept of Levels.

There were the Upper Levels, for those who worked and lived and generally stayed above the 50th levels. Those people used Aeri lifts and Levi carts, some of them even had Stingrays. There were the Lower Levels, for those who might not necessarily be able to afford taking the Levi trains every day and made do with their Boardwalkers. And then there were them. Jeno understood now why they were looked at the way they did.

It was an unpleasant concept that was as pervasive as the smoke that choked the streets and people similarly pretended that it didn’t exist. For someone like Jeno who didn’t care about anything beyond his immediate vicinity, it was simply another obstacle to navigate. And when he was working, none of that mattered. It didn’t matter that the woman came from the 130th floor, not when she was crying her eyes out in the private room, hunched over her lobster and caviar while Jeno dabbed at her cheeks with the linen tablecloth, murmuring quietly into her ear. 

But still. Something in Jeno shifted after that.

Whatever qualms he had before vanished. Before it was simply fun because it was so easy to push their buttons. Now, there was a cold malice in him as he watched their paper doll faces fold under the force of his thumb. His words became silkier and his tips became larger. His customers got addicted to him, they became regulars and always asked for him. Jeno saw the diamonds in the velvet darkness of their eyes and plucked them off the porcelain of their cheeks.

It was only after their shift, when Jeno lay in bed with Jaemin, that the world felt a little more right. He and Jaemin would stay up later than they should, the two of them cloaked in the neon lights of 2 am Seoul while he told him stories like how he used to read him books.

For the most part, Jaemin liked hearing about them. He was fascinated with the things that Upper Tiers did; dancing, painting, collecting sculptures (“They actually _pay_ for a huge piece of rock? What do they even do with it?” “Stare at it, I guess.” “But…you can’t eat it.”). The only time he got upset was when Jeno tried to teach him how to collect diamonds.

“I’m not going to do that,” Jaemin said firmly when Jeno brought up the topic of asking Taeil to let him join service duty.

“Why not?” Jeno folded his pillow in half before lying on it. It gave him neckaches otherwise.

“That’s not nice. I can’t take advantage of them like that. And I would probably cry too,” he added as an afterthought.

Jeno scoffed, “You probably will. They treat us like shit anyway. It’ll do them good to feel like that for once.”

Jaemin looked at him carefully. With a jolt, Jeno realised that his voice came out too bitter, too callous. He hurried to change his words, “I mean, our customers are really nice so obviously it’s different with them. I’m just trying to talk to them and make them feel better because I feel bad seeing them sad.”

“Don’t do that.” Jaemin’s voice was cold.

Jeno lifted his head from his pillow in surprise. He had never heard Jaemin speak to him like that. Jaemin was glaring at him, mouth pinched, also another rarity. “Do what?”

“That,” Jaemin growled, “What you’re doing now. I hate it.”

“Jaemin, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Jeno said, perplexed, as Jaemin started to look more and more frustrated. He sat up, leaning forward to press his hand on Jaemin’s knee and keeping eye contact like he was back at the orphanage helping Madam calm down a crying kid, “Hey, it’s okay, calm down.”

To his shock, Jaemin knocked his hand off, scrambling backwards so that he was leaning against the window, as far away from Jeno as he can on their tiny mattress. Jeno tried to fight down the hurt that welled up in him reluctantly. “Am I your friend?” he demanded.

“What?”

“Answer me.”

Jeno blinked. The words were stuck in his throat. “Of course you are,” he finally managed.

“Then don’t talk to me like how you do to people,” Jaemin snapped, “Jeno, we grew up together. I’m not blind. You don’t talk to people and when you do, you do that stupid thing where you behave like someone else just to charm them into getting your way.”

Jeno was at a loss for words. He didn’t expect Jaemin of all people to notice, not when he was always careful to hide that part of himself. “If I’m your friend, why are you treating me like that?” Jaemin’s voice came out a bit more shakily than he probably wanted to.

It was a horribly uncomfortable feeling sitting there under Jaemin’s accusing gaze, feeling like someone wrenched open the walls he was comfortably living in. He didn’t want to answer, would much rather have this conversation end, but something told him that if he did, he would end up breaking something irrevocably. “I don’t pretend around you,” he answered in a low voice, hating every word, hating how honest it was.

“Yeah, you call me stupid every opportunity you get,” Jaemin snorted, the tension in the room lightening somewhat, “But I don’t want you treating me like I’m something to be handled. I don’t want you smiling at me when you’re thinking of the worst things inside. I don’t want you acting like you care when you don’t, like how you do with everyone.”

“Jaemin, I’ve never pretended – ” Jeno bit his words back, unsure how to express it.

“I know you care,” Jaemin said tiredly, easily filling in the blanks, “Or, I don’t know. I can’t tell anymore. If what you’re doing to me is just another act for you, I would really rather that you stop.” With that, Jaemin laid down, turning on his side so that his back was facing Jeno.

Jeno stared at his back and laid down slowly. For the first time, there was a space between them on the bed. That space followed them for a few weeks until even Taeil commented on it. He was so distracted that he almost slipped up and snapped at his customers a few times when they said something particularly idiotic.

It was also the first time that he was forced to evaluate his friendship with Jaemin. Jeno always had a hard time understanding emotions, particularly if they were his own. What even was Jaemin to him? Jeno had no answer.

He let out a minute sigh as he patted the shoulder of a crying man. Emotions were draining, no wonder his customers cried all the time. As he and Jaemin changed out of their uniforms in the locker room in a tense silence, the answer clicked in his head, short and simple. It didn’t matter that he doesn’t know how to define what Jaemin is to him, what he does know is that he hates this distance and he wants Jaemin back. As annoying as he is. It was getting boring without him.

When they got back, Jeno waited for Jaemin to come out of the showers and get into bed before making his move. Jeno hadn’t the slightest clue how to bridge this gap, but he figured that honesty was a good place to start. He jumped onto the bed, caging Jaemin in between his limbs. “What the – ?” Jaemin started to curse.

Jeno collapsed, putting his whole weight onto Jaemin and wrapping all four limbs around the other. “I miss you, Jaemin,” he announced with all the cheer of someone who didn’t at all. Jeno couldn’t remember the last time he initiated physical contact, but he didn’t have a choice now. He needed to do something out of character for him so that Jaemin would know that he was being serious.

Jaemin stared at him like he was crazy.

“I take it back,” Jaemin breathed, “You’re not bad at this. You’re hopeless.”

“Excuse me?” Jeno snapped, indignant.

“You’re really smart, but you’re a complete idiot when it comes to human interactions.” Jaemin squinted up at him in wonder, “I swear, this level of idiocy has to be a freak of nature. This can’t be normal.”

“I’m trying!” Jeno’s voice rose, frustrated and embarrassed and unsure if this was a good reaction or not, “I don’t know how! I don’t do this! If you’re going to insult me why don’t you show me instead? Or maybe I can just not do it at all if it’s that weird to you!” He started to get off Jaemin when the other suddenly wrapped his arms around Jeno and pulled him back down.

Jeno fell with a surprised huff. Jaemin turned them over so that he was on top of Jeno, still clinging onto him. “I miss you too,” Jaemin cooed, pressing his cheek to Jeno’s, voice high and nasally in the way that he knows Jeno hates the most. Just like that, all of the annoyance left him. “That’s how you do it. Say what’s on your mind, show me the bad things that you think or feel. You don’t have to do it all the time, you don’t even have to do it to me if you hate it that much. But I want you to have at least one person in the world who you don’t have to hide from. Don’t be an island.”

Jeno couldn’t think of a single person in the world who he would be willing to do that with except the one in front of him. The thought of being close to literally anyone else makes him want to crawl out of his skin. I don’t hide from you, Jeno wanted to say. I promise I won’t anymore.

The words wouldn’t come, they lodged themselves in his throat so Jeno did the only thing he could. He lifted his arms from where they were lying at his side and carefully put them around Jaemin. Jaemin’s arms squeezed him in response. Jeno took that as a cue and hugged him harder, burying his nose at Jaemin’s nape. As he held Jaemin tighter, something in him cautiously loosened, something deep in him opened the slightest crack.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes this is a double update because I'm soooo impatient and want to get to the part with the Dreamies already ahahaha

The ringing of the alarm jolted him awake. Jeno looked up blearily, automatically getting off the bed. He hadn’t noticed when he had fell asleep. Jeno glanced down to see Jaemin lying in bed on his back, staring at him like a mannequin. “Mornin’,” he mumbled through a yawn, clearing his throat.

There was no response. Jeno frowned, seeing Jaemin blink a few times before responding, “Good morning.” It was barely there, but Jeno thought he caught a flicker behind the empty eyes. The mess hall was just starting to fill up when they entered, Jeno found themselves a seat at the corner of the place, close to the windows and as far away from everyone else as possible. Jaemin wiped his hands meticulously with anti-bacterial wipes, repeating the same process for his cutlery and the edges of the metal plate before starting to drink the scalding soup. Jeno watched him quietly, absently poking at the kimchi Jaemin was now banned from.

“Have you taken your meds?” It was an unnecessary question.

“Yes.” The answer was expected, but Jeno liked to make sure.

“Did Taeyong say anything about how much longer you have to take them?”

Jaemin shook his head, “He is monitoring me while slowly weaning me off it. Since they used stem cells for my organs, the chance of immune rejection is low. But Taeyong would like to be thorough.”

There was a loud laugh as Lucas tumbled in, almost spilling his entire tray within minutes of getting it. “Yo! Jeno!” he bellowed across the hall, bounding over. His smile faltered somewhat when he saw Jaemin. Still, he continued walking. Jeno appreciated his persistence. “Mind if I join you guys?”

Jeno shrugged, “Sure.”

Soup sloshed over the sides when he sat his tray down between the two of them, Jaehyun quietly joining on their other side like Lucas’s personal handler. “How’s the prep for your exam?” he asked through a mouthful of rice.

“We’re still thinking about it,” Jeno began, an idea suddenly sparking in his mind as he looked at an unsuspecting Lucas. He ducked his head to his food, wiping his face of expression. Jaehyun wouldn’t agree if he found out, but the unspoken rule of espionage is that you do whatever it takes to achieve your target without letting anyone discovers it. That was exactly what Jeno planned to do.

“How have you been lately, Jaemin?” Lucas asked, painfully awkward as he tried to include Jaemin in the conversation over the table.

Jaemin barely looked up, carefully lifting an uncooked leaf out of his plate with all the focus of a surgeon conducting oncosurgery. “I am fine.”

“Are you nervous about the exam?” Lucas tried again. Beside him, Jaehyun looked like he was suppressing the urge to bury his face in his hands. Jeno could relate, knowing what was coming.

“I do not feel nervous because I am unable to do so,” Jaemin stated plainly, wiping his chopsticks again, “The chip is helping to control that.”

Lucas’s mouth snapped shut and he threw a helpless, uncomfortable glance at Jaehyun who quickly started another innocuous topic. Jeno ate his food quietly, watching the exchange and planning his next move. He waited for Lucas to get up to get his second serving and followed him with an excuse of needing more kimchi. “Hey Lucas,” Jeno said, ladling kimchi onto his tray and keeping his gaze on the food instead of the other man, “Can I borrow your tablet for a while later?”

“What for?” Lucas took the tongs from him and started heaping a significantly more generous helping for himself.

“My tracking app seems to be glitching a bit so I need to re-download it from the staff portal,” Jeno replied, keeping his voice casual, “And I don’t want to go to Doyoung because I have…stuff on it.” He let his voice trail off awkwardly, shifting in place.

“Oho!” Lucas grinned at him mischievously, punching him in the shoulder. Jeno smiled back, deliberately creasing his eyes and rubbing the back of his neck as though in embarrassment, “I was starting to wonder if they did something to you too because there was no way any healthy young man could live like that when you get propositioned all the time. Jaehyun was even saying that you and Jaemin were probably getting it on.”

This time, the flush of his ears was entirely involuntary, as was the widening of his eyes in shock. Lucas picked up on it immediately, jaw dropping, “Wait, are you and Jaemin – ”

Jeno stared at him, feeling his plan falling to pieces rapidly. “I… no. We’re not.”

“But you want to? Is that why you’re browsing those stuff? To take the edge off?” To Jeno’s horror, Lucas, already unpredictable on good days, was drawing his own conclusion, hand flying to his mouth in glee, “Holy shit!”

Fuck. This wasn’t what Jeno had planned for _at all_. “We’re not doing anything,” Jeno explained in a rush, desperately trying to salvage the situation. His body betrayed him, the flush spreading from his ears to his neck under Lucas’s knowing eyes.

Jeno gave up, bracing himself to use it to his advantage. “We’re not anymore because he can’t,” Jeno pitched his voice low, pitiful, “He’s barely able to feel, much less think about anything that has the slightest involvement with emotion. I don’t want to sleep with him when he’s like this.” He looked down at his kimchi, deliberately avoiding Lucas’s eyes, “That’s why I came to you,” Jeno swallowed, blinking theatrically, “You’re the only one I know who wouldn’t judge.”

“Wait,” Lucas was putting together the pieces Jeno had involuntarily given him, “You guys were a thing?”

Jeno didn’t have to fake the very real, raw pain that flashed across his face. 

“Aww,” Lucas said sympathetically as they headed back to their table, looking genuinely heartbroken for Jeno, “Don’t worry man, your secret’s safe with me. And I’m sad for Jaemin too, ya know, not just you two,” Jeno was taken aback by the raw honesty in his voice, “I don’t know him like you did but I didn’t like what they did to him. That wasn’t fair. He should have had a say in it. They shouldn’t…they shouldn’t have factory reset him.”

“Thank you,” Jeno said sincerely, finding that he meant it despite the clumsy wording. Lucas waved it off as they settled back in at the table. When they were done, Jeno snagged him as they left the hall, holding him back so that he could borrow the tablet. Jaehyun, as Jeno predicted, was too busy scrolling through his messages on his Blinker to notice them. He never did like to mix work stuff with his meals, even if it was something as mundane as checking his messages.

Jeno excused himself and quickly slipped into a washroom, locking himself in a stall and setting up the connection between their tablets to download the app. It took less than a minute for the entire transfer. He left the washroom, catching up to their group and discreetly returning it to Lucas when they went their separate ways.

He waited until they got back to their rooms at the end of the day to pull up the software, feeding Mark’s picture into it and waiting for the programme to sort through the country’s cameras, searching for a match. The programme took an absurdly long time, which wasn’t that surprising when he considered the number of cameras around Seoul alone.

There was a beep and a pop-up window appeared on the screen, displaying a shot of a street at Apgujeong where their target was leaving a café. Jeno tapped the screen, narrowing the search to the area and filtering the past weeks. Mark at a building in Gangnam, in an Aeri-lift, at a crossroads, and even one where he was at a grocer getting a watermelon. The only people who would do their shopping personally were ones who wanted to keep their address off the records.

“What are you doing?” Jaemin’s voice sounded from above. Jeno glanced up, patting his bed and inviting Jaemin to sit. He showed the tablet to Jaemin, the tablet still spitting out images as he did. “How did you get this software?”

“Using my own brilliance,” Jeno answered, only half-joking.

Jaemin nodded as though that made sense, “Yes. You have always been the smarter one between us.”

Jeno stiffened but didn’t say anything to that. The images kept coming and Jeno put it down on his lap, trying to figure out a pattern that could give him a clue of where Mark was staying. Jaemin leaned over, pinning the locations of the photos in a map on his own tablet. The two of them watched as more and more pins appeared on the map with every picture, centering around the south of the Han river within Gangnam. “He’s probably living somewhere here,” Jeno murmured. He tapped the screen, filtering the areas by frequency. “There you go,” Jeno breathed, eyes bright when the results clustered around –

“The InterContinental.” Jaemin finished his thought aloud. “He is in this area almost every day for the past two weeks.” Jeno paused the search on his own tablet, pulling up the programme to search the surrounding cameras at the time stamp on one of the images. They watched the video in slow motion, black clad figures moving around in masses on the multiple screens.

“There.” Jaemin pointed at a corner of one camera. The figure was so small that Jeno would have missed it, but the image was enough for them to see that the coat of the figure entering the InterContinental across the street matched the one Mark was wearing on that day. That explained why they hadn’t yet found a residential address. No cameras were allowed in the immediate vicinity of hotels as expensive as this one.

“Brilliant,” Jeno muttered in victory, sending an email to Johnny requesting for clearance to leave and receiving approval almost immediately. He leaned back against the wall, a fissure of excitement running through him as he grinned at Jaemin and received a rare smile back, ignoring how flat it looked. Time to see what the three years had made of them.

/

Seoul, 2092

“Enjoy your stay,” The receptionist bowed with a smile. Jaemin picked up the card with an expression that, on a normal human, would be a frown. He held it up in front of him like a specimen, looking at it in confusion. Jeno pushed his hand down, still clinging onto his arm and leading them towards the elevators, trying not to show how rattled he was too.

Despite having seen pictures during their prep work last night, it wasn’t enough to prepare Jeno for the shock of seeing buildings so spaced out with entire pieces of land between them. The InterContinental itself was on a huge open space decorated sparsely with sculptures, adding to the aesthetics of the space and drawing attention to it.

And the people. Jeno had completely forgotten about the fascination of the rich with human company. It was easy enough to hack into the server of the hotel and search the cameras for Mark Lee’s room to book themselves a room next to his, but he hadn’t expected to be greeted at the door and have it opened for him and for a human receptionist to hand him a card rather than registering his thumb print for the rooms at an automated station. “Your privacy is of utmost importance to us, sir,” the receptionist had said primly when Jeno asked. Right. Privacy was a commodity too.

It had taken him all of his training to hide his surprise and continue on as though it was something they were used to, although the same couldn’t be said for Jaemin. The other was frowning the whole time, fortunately too confused to say anything while Jeno handled the staff. They got onto an elevator that shot upwards towards the 86th floor where they were staying, the skyline of Seoul spreading beneath them. It was a view Jeno never thought that he would miss.

A minute later, they stood in front of the white door, staring at it blankly. Jeno tried to turn the doorknob but it wouldn’t budge. Jaemin was still examining the card, holding it so close to his eye as though he was trying to see through it with his enhanced eyesight. Jeno pressed his thumb to the doorknob, jabbing at it over and over again in various places. They were never shown anything like this in their training, probably because it was common knowledge. Not to them. Jeno and Jaemin knew all of three places in Seoul; the inside of the orphanage, their apartment, and the restaurant. “What the fuck?” he mumbled, half-considering kicking down the door.

“You gotta slide the card in,” a voice came from behind them. They turned around, coming face to face with Mark Lee. “Here.” He took the card from Jaemin’s fingers, sliding it into a space above the doorknob that Jeno hadn’t noticed. There was a beep and a light flashed green and Mark pushed the door open for them.

“Oh, thanks.” Jeno said, accepting the card back.

“First time in Seoul?” Mark asked amiably. His Korean was slightly accented and he was smiling at them, a rarity that Jeno never got from complete strangers.

“First time with technology as ancient as this,” Jeno replied, trying to inject as much humour as he could in the very truthful statement. Mark laughed, nodding at them as he went inside his own room. They did the same, and as soon as the door shut Jeno turned to Jaemin urgently, “Jaemin, the door.”

“I do not think that it will be possible to hack in with a door like that,” Jaemin walked over to the wall, putting his ear against it. “The walls are too thick even for me and,” Jaemin went over to the windows, “we cannot open the windows.”

Damn. That left the option Jeno was trying to avoid. With a sigh, he sat on the massive bed and pulled his tablet out of his bag, opening the programme to access the cameras in the hotel. The programme stalled, blocked by more firewalls than the previous day. They must have detected a breach then. Jaemin sat down next to him and took over. With a few deft slides, he entered a code and broke through. The screen filled up with a view of the corridor outside the room.

For the rest of the day, they waited but Mark didn’t leave his room. “Perhaps you should sleep for an hour,” Jaemin suggested when the hour crept closer to 5 am with no signs of movement.

Jeno shook his head, not looking up from where he was lounging on the bed in his sweats, studying French on Jaemin’s tablet. “It’s fine.”

“It cannot be healthy for you, even if we are trained to do this.” Jaemin’s voice took on a hint of reprimanding.

“I’ll live.”

“Jeno, you should sleep. It is late.”

Jeno paused, cocking his head at Jaemin’s unusual persistence. Slowly, very deliberately, he said, “I used to do this all the time before we joined. I’m used to it.”

“What do you mean?”

Jeno shrugged, scrolling through the notes, deceptively nonchalant. “I usually woke up in the middle of the night while you were sleeping to think. It’s no biggie. Lack of sleep isn’t as bad as being starved all the time.”

“Why was I not made aware of this?” Jaemin didn’t sound angry, he couldn’t have, but he sounded minutely more agitated than usual. “How long have you been going without proper sleep and food?”

“It’s fine, Jaem,” Jeno sighed, watching Jaemin from the corner of his eye. “Don’t worry about it.”

“It is natural for me to. I would like for you to go for a proper checkup when we get back to the base. You cannot do this to your body. You need to fulfil your human needs of eating and sleeping.” Jaemin was speaking more than he ever had in three years, “Your health will be affected and I do not want that.”

Jeno’s eyes widened, his heart thumping in his chest as the last sentence filtered into his brain. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, realising that he was on the cusp of a breakthrough. Jaemin had not expressed a single opinion since the operation. “I didn’t know you cared.” Utterly ridiculous, but it was the sort of thing Jeno liked to say when he argued with Jaemin in the past because it riled him up like nothing else.

“Of course I do. You are my partner. You are invaluable to me.” Jaemin paused, something behind his eyes flickering wildly. “I need you, Lee Jeno.”

Jeno pushed the tablet to the side, sitting up against the headboard and regarding Jaemin carefully, his mind buzzing with anticipation as he thought over his next move. There was no way to tell how long this fluke would last and Jeno wanted to make the most of it. “You’re better than me now, Jaemin. And there are plenty of other recruits to take my place to cover up for your shortcomings.”

“That is true.” Jeno couldn’t help but be disappointed. “But the recruits will not be Lee Jeno. Lee Jeno is…” this time the pause was longer, Jaemin sat rigidly for almost a minute as his mind fought with the algorithm, “an important thing to me.”

Jeno let out his breath shakily, his heart pounding. That one sentence changed everything. He needed just one thing to know if there was even a point to trying anymore and this was it. Jeno wanted to laugh aloud in relief and joy. He would have forced Jaemin into a heart-to-heart much earlier if he had known that this was the solution. Instead he spent his time tiptoeing around Jaemin and watching him as though he was going to bite. Their relationship never functioned that way anyway. 

There was suddenly a movement in the screen and they looked over, snapping to attention. Mark Lee was stumbling out of the room and rubbing his eyes. A bag was slung over his shoulder, presumably containing his tablet. Jeno quickly switched to open up all the cameras in the corridor on Jaemin’s tablet. They watched Mark like a hawk as he slowly ambled to the lift and went down, heading to the hotel restaurant that was just starting to set up breakfast.

“Let’s go.” Jeno said as Mark sat down at a table and set his tablet on it while he waited. Jaemin was already at the door, waiting for him. They took the lift down to the restaurant, waving away the maître d' to approach Mark.

“Good morning,” Jeno feigned surprise as he sidled up to Mark’s table, “You’re up early.”

“Could say the same for you,” Mark yawned, looking sleep ruffled despite the formal cut of his coat, “What are you up so early for? It’s like 6 am.”

Jaemin stepped in smoothly before Jeno could answer, his brain not hindered in the last by the second consecutive night without sleep. “We are going for a run.”

Mark raised an eyebrow at Jaemin’s attire, a blue button up over black slacks. “Or at least I am,” Jeno added hastily, “I’m trying to get him to join me.” He smiled ruefully, heading to a seat a few tables down.

It wasn’t long before the breakfast buffet was ready. Mark got up, taking his tablet with him. Jeno’s heart dropped for a moment before he frowned down at the bulky tablet and put it back into his bag. “Darling, could you get me some croissants while you’re at it?” Jeno raised his voice purposefully, nudging Jaemin’s leg under the table. “Stall him.”

Jaemin nodded, following after Mark. Jeno cast a quick glance around the almost empty restaurant, sliding quickly into Mark’s table. He set up a connection between his tablet and Mark’s, sliding his hand through the open zipper to tap at the screen and hacking through the firewall to allow him access to insert a small virus that could retrieve the folder they needed. The security on Mark’s tablet was ridiculously tight, Jeno cursed as he tapped even faster at his screen, trying to get it down as fast as possible.

58%. The loading icon was torturously slow, likely because his tablet was struggling to keep the firewall on Mark’s tablet open.

73%. Jaemin looked like he was saying something to Mark.

91%. Fuck, Mark looked like he was coming over.

There was a sudden crash. Jeno jolted in his seat as the file finished downloading. It was followed by screams and several more crashes as plates smashed onto the floor. Jeno jumped up, running over and drawing up short in shock.

Jaemin was holding Mark against the counter, his arm twisted around his back and face pressed hard against the black marble. The sleeve of Jaemin’s shirt was torn, the biomaterial of his skin gaping open and revealing a sliver of the metallic limb below. Near them, a bread knife lay surrounded by slices of morning toast, the blade lying in two pieces. “Jaemin, what the hell?”

“Yeah, what the fuck?” Mark spat, voice muffled.

“Let go of him,” Jeno ordered. Mark leapt back, away from them as soon as he was released. He raised his wrist to his mouth, keeping his eyes on them warily as he pulled his coat sleeve back and spoke into a Blinker that looked oddly familiar, his other arm hanging at an odd angle. “Agent Mark Lee requesting backup. There are two hostiles at the InterContinental, one of them is not human.”

And that was when the Blinker clicked in place in his memory.

Jeno buried his face in his hands.

/

Johnny stared at them wordlessly, Mark standing off to the side close to him with his arm in a cast. “What’s the meaning of this?” Jeno broke the silence, trying not to sound too accusing even though it was entirely his right to feel annoyed.

“That should be my line,” Johnny replied dryly.

“With all due respect sir,” Jeno said evenly, willing himself to be calm. It wouldn’t help Jaemin in the slightest if his partner went berserk too. “We were under the impression that our target was an enemy of the state.”

“And that’s where you went wrong.” Johnny pointed his stylus at them from where he had been tapping his chin with it, “You should know that by now. Never make assumptions. Your orders were simple; extract a file. If you managed to get past Minhyung here, you would find that the file contained a document certifying that you are fit to enter the field.”

“To be fair, this was quite unconventional,” Mark admitted, “I had no idea that there was a file like that on my tablet, nor did I notice anything strange about you two. You guys were great.”

“Unfortunately for you, Agent Mark,” Johnny tapped at his tablet with long, bony fingers, “this was also part of _your_ examination. You were to be assessed on your ability to convey sensitive information to undercover agents and your awareness of your surroundings in a crowded, foreign city while passing off as a local.” Johnny sighed as he sent off the email. “I will have to send a report to the North American branch regarding this. You can likely expect your training to be extended once your injury has healed.”

Mark grimaced. Johnny nodded at him, “You’re dismissed.” When Mark left the room, Johnny got up and came around to stand in front of them. Jeno tilted his head up to meet his gaze calmly, not looking away even when minutes passed. “Jaemin,” Johnny said, not taking his eyes off Jeno, “I need to speak to Jeno privately.”

Jeno’s eyebrows quirked as Jaemin saluted and left the room. “I must say that when I set this examination, I didn’t expect you to do so well. Obtaining a government software for your own use from a permanent staff no less, hacking the entire system of one of the most expensive and secure hotels and basically charming your way past two agents. You are an exemplary agent, Lee Jeno, but your greatest liability is right outside the door.” Johnny let the sentence hang in the air, “So long as Na Jaemin exists, your ability is compromised.”

Jeno kept silent, knowing that there was nothing he could say to refute the fact. Jaemin had responded with unnecessary violence and as his partner, it was partly his fault for not being able to keep him in line. That was the whole reason why Jeno was paired with Jaemin, they were counting on him to keep him under control. “I spoke to Taeyong and he told me that while the algorithm is performing exactly how we expected, the outcome is a little different from what we were hoping for.” Johnny sat down at the edge of the table, crossing his arms. It was such an unusually casual position that Jeno found himself mildly surprised. Johnny must be more disturbed than he thought. “In other words, the more he trains the closer he gets to becoming a perfect soldier.”

“Is that not a good thing?”

“A robot is not what we want,” Johnny said bluntly, “We wanted to fuse robot and human, to create a soldier physically enhanced but without the volatility of human nature.”

“And you succeeded,” a vein of bitterness ran in Jeno’s voice, “Jaemin doesn’t seem to feel anything anymore. He doesn’t think about anything else either.”

“That’s what I’m trying to get at,” Johnny picked up his tablet, opening a report on Jaemin. He perused it tiredly, “It’s completely eroding his human side by the day. The incident today is a perfect example of that. Doyoung and Taeyong’s report says that the attack was ‘instinctive’ as a direct response to Mark pulling his hand off his wrist roughly and it heightened when Mark tried to defend himself with a bread knife. The notion that he was an adversary didn’t help either.” Johnny let out a long, controlled breath, “I should have known better than to let a prototype out in the field.”

There was a cold feeling in Jeno’s stomach as the words registered. Johnny had admitted it so carelessly, as though it was of no consequence to them that Jaemin was basically disappearing from the world. “He’s turning into a robot.”

“Basically, yes.” Johnny shrugged, infuriatingly nonchalant. “I’m not sure if he’ll even be an asset to us anymore.”

“What will you do?” Jeno inquired calmly, nothing on his face to betray the rage building in him. He reached in and held onto the anger with his fist, letting it burn away the hopeless despair creeping in, letting it overwhelm the dark whispers of futility.

“The simplest solution is to separate him from people entirely. Regrettably, Taeyong wouldn’t let me touch his precious creation and Doyoung was near hysterical with how worried he was about Jaemin, so I can forget about destroying it.” It. As though Jaemin was an object. “I have to talk to the rest about it but it’s likely that we will just have to use him as a foot soldier while we work on the next model. He would do well in situations of extreme danger and stress.” Johnny heaved a sigh, “What a massive waste of resources.”

Jeno breathed out silently, running through the facts and calculating his options. He started out far behind Jaemin and had fought tooth and nail to catch up only to end up surpassing him. Ironically, the humanity which had hindered him before was now his trump card against a cyborg super soldier. If there was a way to stop the gap from widening between them, it had to be now. “Why don’t you introduce him back into human society?”

Johnny tilted his head, curiosity piqued. “Taeyong said that it’s a machine learning algorithm,” Jeno said, watching Johnny for his reaction. He had to be careful with this and show just enough to keep reeling Johnny in without revealing his hand. There was no way that he was going to let them use him as a foot soldier, not now when he knows that Jaemin is somewhere deep inside and he might just be able to drag him out by his ear if he has a bit more time. “If we let him mingle among humans it might be able to train him to become like one. He hasn’t had a chance to do that ever since the operation, so that might be the reason why he doesn’t know how to be a human.”

Johnny was silent. Jeno tried to search his expression for a hint of what he was thinking but came up with nothing. There was one other person who could help his case but Jeno didn’t know how to call for him without seeming too eager, “Let me call Taeyong in,” Johnny did it for him, lifting his Blinker to his mouth and speaking a message into it, “He might be able to tell us better.”

Taeyong entered a few minutes later, an eyebrow arched questioningly, “Why is Jaemin standing outside?”

“Private matters,” Johnny answered shortly, launching into a summary of their conversation. Jeno glanced at Taeyong out of the corner of his eye. Taeyong was a lot easier to read, his expression becoming more and more intrigued as he listened. “That’s a brilliant idea,” he said in a rush, barely letting Johnny finish. “It didn’t even cross my mind to do the opposite because I was so afraid of letting him close to humans after this incident with Minhyung.”

“I could help to monitor him,” Jeno grabbed his chance as the two turned their gazes on him. “Compared to the other recruits, I am most familiar with how he is like before the operation, which puts me in a position where I will immediately notice if there is a reverse effect.”

“Well, there you go,” Taeyong beamed. Johnny still didn’t seem entirely convinced so Jeno fumbled for his backup plan. He hadn’t planned to use it this early but he would rather use up this card than the other one. “If I may be so presumptuous…”

“Just say it,” Johnny said irritably, “It’s not like you’ve ever held back your words before.”

Jeno gestured to his bag, “If I may?” At Johnny’s gruff nod, he went over and took his tablet out, swiping at it as he spoke, “Nova Medicals has been under the government’s watch for a long time on the suspicion that they are conducting illegal body modifications.” Body modifications like Jaemin’s which they found in the black truck that mowed Jaemin down and changed their life in an instant. Jeno’s stomach churns whenever he thinks about the possibility that there may be someone else out there creating more people like Jaemin, erasing their humanity and minds as though it meant nothing.

“Get to the point, Jeno,” Johnny said sharply as Taeyong fluttered a hand to shush him.

“We have not been able to pin anything on them or find anything remotely incriminating,” Jeno continued undeterred, finding the picture and expanding it to fill the screen. “Which means that the only way to spy on them is from the inside, and that too is impossible with how strictly they screen both their employees and customers. This is my suggestion.” He turned the tablet to show them a picture of a teenager, face innocent and soft from youth.

“Park Jisung is the only son of the director of Nova,” he said, “And he will be starting university next month. Jaemin and I can help to keep an eye on him while I reintegrate him back to society. If things go well, we might be able to find a hole in the wall they’ve put up.”

“You’re suggesting to me to let two of my best agents go to university and make friends?” Johnny demanded incredulously. Taeyong looked like he was trying not to laugh.

Well. When you put it that way it sounds a lot less convincing. “Jaemin can become an excellent soldier if this works,” Jeno pushed, looking at Taeyong straight in the eyes beseechingly, knowing that he was the weak link between the two. “He could very well become the cyborg that you guys have been trying to build.”

“I was under the impression that you were the biggest opponent of that,” Johnny’s voice was like a snake, low and suspicious.

“I do not want him to turn into a robot,” Jeno replied simply, lowering the tablet to his side. And that was the simple truth of it all. Jeno could go through his whole life killing people if that’s what Johnny wants from him, but he could not stand to watch Jaemin disappear from the world by a choice that wasn’t his. “It’s a win-win situation for us, a double win for you actually. You get your cyborg to stop behaving like a computer error and, if we’re lucky, possible dirt on Nova. I get Jaemin back.”

Taeyong immediately turned pleading eyes on Johnny. For someone with such terrifyingly perfect bone structure, he sure looked endearing sometimes. Johnny steadfastly ignored him, “I’m still not convinced. We have been watching Park Jisung for years, he’s clean.”

“Yes, but we’ve never managed to get anyone as close to him as Hwang Renjun and Zhong Chenle,” Taeyong said impatiently, “The three musketeers simply don’t talk to anyone else.”

“So what makes you think – ”

“Nova isn’t my priority, Johnny, I’m not going to watch Jaemin disintegrate in front of my eyes,” Taeyong said fiercely, his slender frame positively quivering with passion, “I was against that damn algorithm from the start, but you went ahead and told Doyoung to create it because you were afraid of a weapon that might turn on you or be influenced to run away and see what you’ve done? You got exactly what you wanted, Johnny, you have a robot on your hands.”

Jeno watched the exchange silently, letting the two fight it out. There was no strict hierarchy at the base, but Taeyong’s invaluable skill puts him at a level equal to Johnny’s. “I could hardly care less about Nova now if I’m going to be honest. My primary concern is Jaemin because I know you and I know you would never let me remove or reprogram that chip.”

“It’s for national security – ” Johnny started heatedly.

“And I get it. But it doesn’t mean that I like it.” Taeyong gestured to Jeno, “Do you even realise what we did to them? They were _children_. They didn’t get to choose! And now you’re forcing one of them to watch his friend die a second time.” Taeyong took a deep breath, “I think we should give this a shot. Even if we don’t get anything on Nova we could at least try to reverse this effect, see if we can hit an equilibrium between his mind and the algorithm.”

Johnny ran his hand through his neatly slicked hair. For someone as image conscious as Johnny, that motion alone was enough to tell Jeno that he had won. He silently thanked Taeyong. If it weren’t for the other, he would be forced to show his hand.

As much as he could, Jeno wanted to hide that he had figured out a possible way to crack Jaemin. The ride back was enough time for him to put the pieces together and realise that the algorithm functioned on a basic rule that it strengthened repeated behaviours. That essentially meant that the longer Jaemin remained a soldier at this base, the smaller the chance that he would remember how to be human.

No one aside from Jeno have been treating him like a human or had heart-to-heart talks in the middle of the night. It shouldn’t be a surprise that Jeno was the only one to start seeing cracks, especially since Jeno has been echoing what they used to do before. 

Right now, Jeno had to find a way to convince them that Jaemin was useless to them and keep their eyes off him so that he could teach his friend how to be a human again. And he's going to start by repeating old behaviours and memories, like treating someone with Alzheimer's.

“Fine.” Johnny finally relented, “I’ll sort this out. You two can pack your stuff in the meantime. I want weekly reports on Jaemin’s condition and your progress with Jisung. I’ll assign Jungwoo to join you guys.”

Taeyong sighed loudly in exasperation, “That would defeat the whole purpose of this. We’re trying to remove all stimulus of this place, Johnny,” He emphasised, enunciating each word slowly as though speaking to a child. “Do you think seeing Jungwoo’s face everywhere will help in his recovery?”

Johnny closed his eyes, pinching his nose and waving his fingers at Jeno, “Dismissed. Go prepare for your honeymoon.” Jeno saluted, picking up his bag and leaving. He waited until the door closed behind him before allowing a self-satisfied smirk to curl his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should also add that Jeno is...an unusual protagonist. I wanted to try writing from the POV of a person who isn't necessarily good, a person who's self-serving and who verges on being just full-out selfish. It's hard to sympathise with a person like this but hmm maybe he'll grow on us.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: updates will be slow  
> Also me: double and triple updates
> 
> Okay but I really want to finish this ASAP because I have to get back to writing a review on virus which is actually related to my degree ahhhhhh

Jaemin fell asleep soon after their conversation, his thin body slumped over him, worn out from having gone almost five weeks without break. Jeno closed his eyes and laid there in the semi-darkness, breathing slowly, unable to sleep and unsettled for some reason that he couldn’t understand.

After that night, Jaemin started freely using Jeno as his personal affection dispenser in place of Madam, a thing Jeno grudgingly tolerated until he barely noticed it anymore. He didn’t have the energy to care much about what he said or did with Jaemin once they started their day job at the Conservatory, a café branch of the Nyx situated at one of the many sky parks that stretched between the buildings. It was busier than the Nyx and somewhat cheaper which meant that while there was always room for more hands, the customers were endless.

Jeno’s and Jaemin’s roles were swapped here, he was tasked to learn how to play a guitar and the piano to entertain the customers as they ate under the fluttering white canopy shades among swaying trellises of rose vines. Meanwhile Jaemin flitted from table to table like a butterfly in his lilac uniform, the pretty smile never faltering no matter the disparaging remarks from the occasional customer.

Because Jeno was watching Jaemin so much, he noticed when the first crack appeared in Jaemin’s smile.

“What did the customer say?” Jeno asked when their long day finally ended and they were back at their apartment. He shed his jacket, turning to Jaemin expectantly.

“What customer?” Jaemin wasn’t looking at him. He stepped into the shower, swiftly escaping Jeno.

Jeno frowned, that was the most obvious escape tactic and he couldn’t even find it in himself to be surprised. Jaemin was never one for subtlety. He chose to let it go despite his aversion to the idea, knowing that he had to bide his time if he wanted to corner Jaemin, who could be infuriatingly stubborn now that guilt tripping didn’t work on him anymore. Over a few weeks, Jeno watched carefully as the cracks accumulated alarmingly fast, forming a spider web that superimposed over him and didn’t leave even when they weren’t working.

On the surface, nothing much changed. The customers liked them well enough which solidified their position at the restaurants. But there was a distinct coolness about Jaemin that wasn’t there before. His smiles just toed the line of looking faintly manufactured. It was as though his person was withdrawing inwards. Jeno waited until he couldn’t before he made his move.

“What happened today?” He cut to the chase the moment they stepped into the apartment.

“Nothing,” was the quick, usual reply. In his desire to escape, Jaemin entered the bathroom without even removing his jacket or taking a change of clothes. Jeno rolled his eyes. He shed his own jacket and picked up their sleepwear, waiting patiently for the shower to run before opening the door and stepping into the bathroom.

Jaemin half-gasped, not expecting Jeno to intrude. “What the fuck, Jeno?” he snapped, uncharacteristically angry.

“I’m too tired to wait for you to finish,” Jeno didn’t care how unbelievable it sounded, it’s not like Jaemin could escape him with suds in his hair. He put their clothes on the dry counter, undressing himself to join Jaemin. Jaemin was silent, he turned his back to Jeno and started scrubbing at his hair more hurriedly than before. Jeno cocked his head, eyes laser focused on every movement as he stepped into the shower.

Jaemin tensed, feeling his proximity. They had showered together a few times before when they were running desperately low on credits to pay for the bills but it wasn’t something they did often. It was a rare moment of alone time after all. “You’re going to pull out all of your hair at this rate,” Jeno rebuked mildly, fingers sliding into Jaemin’s hair. He gently washed his hair, moving his hands to Jaemin’s shoulders and massaging them.

Unlike Jeno, Jaemin lived off physical touch. Jeno knew this, which was why he unashamedly took advantage of his hypersensitivity to launch his attack when the knots in his shoulders loosened, “What’s up with you lately?” he pitched his voice low, aiming for the soothing timbre that worked for his customers.

“What do you mean?” Jaemin’s voice was unexpectedly indifferent, not giving a hint to what he was thinking.

“You haven’t been yourself,” Jeno said tentatively. It wasn’t how he normally approached Jaemin but he felt like Jaemin might spook if he came on like he usually did. “There’s something bothering you, isn’t there?”

“Everyone has their ups and downs.”

That was true and even someone as determinedly positive as Jaemin had his fair share throughout their lives. This wasn’t the usual and Jeno was sure of it. What Jeno wasn’t sure of was how he was supposed to deal with it. Demanding an answer in his usual callous way didn’t seem like it. “I don’t like seeing you like this.”

Jaemin froze, shoulders stiffening under his fingers. Jeno felt the same. Hearing it aloud was mortifying, knowing that it was true was even worse. His hands fell to his side as Jaemin slowly turned around to stare at him with an unreadable look.

It was the first time in a while that Jaemin was looking at him without averting his gaze or pasting that irritatingly wide smile on his face that made Jeno want to punch him. Jeno forced himself to go on, feeling like the words were being clawed out of him slowly, “There’s something wrong and it’s killing me to watch without being able to do anything about it.”

“You don’t have to watch me then,” the words were cutting, “You’ve always been good at looking away with things that don't involve you.”

Jeno blinked in shock but Jaemin wasn’t done. He went on, malicious and purposeful. “It must have been easy since you never cared about anything.”

Distantly, Jeno knew that there was something off about that statement, that Jaemin was talking about something else. If it had been any other day, any other person, Jeno would have picked up on it and started unravelling the truth. But this was Jeno and this was Jaemin, and all he knew in that moment was an unfamiliar sting of betrayal. “That’s not true.” It was just three words and the words shook as it echoed in the bathroom.

Something in Jaemin’s expression cleared, revealing what had been missing for months. He reached forward and Jeno quickly stepped away. He blindly groped for the towel and dressed himself, not caring that he hadn’t even showered properly yet. Jeno was closing the door behind him before Jaemin got a chance to react.

Running away from a conversation was simply not something Jeno did. Feeling as upset as he does right now is not something that Jeno did, for that matter.

Seoul at 1 am was not a place to walk around if you didn’t know your way. The buildings were lit up in shades of electric blue and hot pink, garish orange streetlights clashing with the graffiti that covered every surface. Neon signboards advertised their wares and people raced each other past Jeno on their Boardwalkers, jeering at him as they passed. It was entirely different from the neat fairy lights of night time Apgujeong. Jeno ignored them, stuffing his damp hands into his pockets and tucking his chin into his jacket collar.

There was the sound of running footsteps, a hand grabbed his arm and he swung, throwing the assailant off. Jaemin stumbled back, lurching forward again when Jeno tried to leave. “Jeno, don’t go,” his voice was desperate, “I’m sorry, don’t leave me behind.”

The statement gave Jeno pause, the distress in his voice rather than the actual words catching his attention. “I’m not leaving you,” he said, eyebrows furrowed, “I’m just taking a walk.”

“You walked out without saying a word,” Jaemin whispered, voice wavering. It was a sight that Jeno thought Jaemin had grown out of. “I’m sorry, please don’t leave. I won’t do that again, I promise.” His voice was trembling, eyes scared. Jeno quickly forgot how upset he was now that he was faced with a much more pressing matter. People were starting to look over, gazes predatory. Jeno pulled Jaemin to him, wrapping his arm around his shoulders and guiding them back to the relative safety of their apartment.

Jeno deposited Jaemin on the bed, kneeling on the floor so that he was eye level with Jaemin. He held Jaemin’s hands in between his, resting their intertwined hands on Jaemin’s lap. “Jaemin,” he leaned into the space between them, trying to get Jaemin to meet his eyes. “I won’t leave you, okay? I promise that.”

Jaemin didn’t answer. “You know me, I don’t make promises I don’t keep.” That cleared Jaemin’s gaze a bit, some of the fear leaving his eyes. On impulse, he tugged Jaemin down to the floor with him, gathering him into his arms.

Jaemin’s hands grabbed his shoulders, digging into them like claws as Jeno’s shirt started to dampen slowly. Jeno waited until his breathing evened before speaking. “Do you want to talk about it?” He almost didn’t recognise his own voice, soft as it was. It was a deliberately open topic. All the furious hurt from earlier was gone, Jeno was too preoccupied with making Jaemin feel better to care about anything else. As unpleasant as a fake Jaemin was, a sad one was even worse and Jeno didn’t like either of them. 

There was the sound of Jaemin taking a deep breath. “People are cruel,” he said quietly. “I see them cutting their pies with those little knives and it feels like it’s all just a game to them.” Jeno didn’t reply, knowing what he meant. Knives didn’t cut as deeply as words or stayed half as long. “It would be better if I could play the game like you do.”

“But you can’t,” Jeno supplied, adjusting them so that Jaemin was sitting in the space between Jeno’s legs, arms secured around him.

Jaemin shook his head resolutely. “I don’t want to.” That was a fact. Tonight was all the proof needed to show that Jaemin knew his way with words, he was only choosing not to. “I’m not going to play their game.”

“Even if that means that you lose?”

“I know I’ll lose. I’m not smart enough to win, not like you. But if I play that stupid game, I’ll lose for real.” Jeno had no answer to that. Jaemin would never be able to bring himself to do what Jeno could, even if they deserved it. “They’re testing your patience, aren’t they?” Jeno said wryly after a moment.

Jaemin laughed a little at that, nestling into Jeno. “They really are.” They sat there in silence, two boys bathed in the neon lights that spilled through the windows and danced over them like a kaleidoscope. “I’m not good at hiding my feelings,” Jaemin finally said. That was obvious, but Jeno decided not to mention it. “I feel too much and it all shows on my face. It’s fine if it’s good stuff but it isn’t good all the time and people can see it. I wish I could, I don’t know, stop feeling,” He said unhappily.

“You don’t mean that,” Jeno combed Jaemin’s hair away from his face, pressing his face into his damp hair. Feeling was what made up Jaemin. He felt every extreme of every emotion, living so intensely through life that Jeno often wondered how it would feel to live like that every single day instead of the block of ice that was Lee Jeno. Jaemin certainly went through enough moods for the both of them.

“I do,” Jaemin refuted stubbornly, “I’m making it way too easy for them. I guess you were right, it’s better to show people what they want.” Jaemin tried to laugh.

The thought of that was more repugnant than Jeno anticipated, he couldn’t imagine Jaemin going around with that fake smile, saying and doing what people expected of him. That was _Jeno’s_ thing to do, not Jaemin. “People are assholes and changing yourself won’t stop them. But you have me, don’t you? I’m not, well I try not to be an asshole to you. So that’s like, one out of thirteen billion.”

“Don’t lie,” Jaemin’s voice was muffled from where he was pressing his face to Jeno’s shoulder, “You were ready to dump my ass plenty of times.”

“God yes, you’re annoying as hell,” Jeno answered without missing a beat, “But…” Jeno trailed off. What would life without Jaemin be like? In a way Jeno was living through Jaemin, relying on him for cues to feel what Jeno normally didn’t. Jaemin got excited over _everything_ , even mundane things and he told Jeno off when he crossed lines in his insensitivity. He would go on living perfectly fine without Jaemin, but it would probably be a lot less exciting without an emotional compass. It definitely didn’t sound fun.

Jaemin was still waiting for him to finish his sentence and it didn’t seem appropriate to dump all his thoughts out in the air. For the second time that night he decided to go for the truth. It was what he promised Jaemin after all and Jeno kept his promises. “I don’t want to go about life without you.” Jeno blurted and flushed as soon as he registered what he said, realizing too late how cheesy it sounded.

Jaemin pulled back to look at Jeno, his face inches away. “Do you really mean that?” he asked, a vulnerable look in his eyes. In this moment, he was exactly like Jeno’s customers and nothing like them. He was innocent and utterly guileless.

And Jeno. Jeno could not destroy that. He could not.

For all his cruelty, Jaemin was someone Jeno found difficult to be heartless to.

He nodded, knowing that something was going to change irrevocably between them from this moment onwards. Jaemin was still looking at him, his breath warm against Jeno’s cheeks and lips. “Even if I get so stupidly emotional?” his voice was barely audible.

Jeno swallowed, nodding again. His hands came up to clasp Jaemin’s. The crack in his heart was wide open. With it came words that he hid so deeply he forgot that they were there, that they could exist. “You feel the things I don’t. I forget how it’s like otherwise,” Jeno hesitated, his voice quiet when he spoke in the space between them. “I don’t want to go without that.”

The lights glinted in Jaemin’s eyes, pink and orange diamonds. “You’re very important to me too, Lee Jeno,” He whispered in a voice so gentle, something in Jeno’s chest ached, “The most important thing in my life.”

They were sixteen, living paycheck to paycheck in an apartment too small in a world too unforgiving to two boys who were too young to understand what they were feeling for each other. There was a static buzzing in Jeno’s head. Hardly aware of his actions, Jeno’s hand moved by itself to cup Jaemin’s cheek. It slid to his nape where the skin and hair was softest, moving upwards slowly to pull Jaemin towards him as he pressed his lips to Jaemin’s forehead. Tenderly, gently, with more than he ever felt in his life.

/

Seoul, 2092

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” Doyoung asked for the hundredth time as he scanned the address in his tablet to the dashboard of the Stingray. The Stingray whirred quietly and sped down the road, sending the three of them thumping back onto their seats.

Jeno tugged at his red hoodie, a habit that he never quite managed to fix. He hastily pulled his fingers away when Doyoung caught sight of the motion. “Stop fidgeting,” he chided, “Unless that motion was fully intentional, but I doubt there’s an audience for you to perform for now.” He obediently folded his hands on his lap, looking over at Jaemin who sat on his other side.

The black leather jacket they made him wear fit him loosely enough that it made him look slender, a deliberate move to conceal the unnaturally powerful limbs below. It matched his freshly dyed electric blue hair to give off the chic image they settled for. It wasn’t easy to find a suitable one; they had tried giving going for pastels and gave up on it almost immediately. And so the pastel image went to Jeno, an irony that they would laugh at three years ago. His own hair was a soft caramel brown, irritatingly styled in a way that would frame his face nicely while incessantly pricking at his eyes. It was decided that Jaemin was to play the part of the cool, aloof guy while Jeno would be the nice guy who was friends with everyone and everyone liked. Jeno inwardly snorted, how the tables have turned.

Jeno resisted the urge to pull at his hoodie again. It was nothing like their usual garb over the past three years, no prototype armour for them to run and jump and let themselves be shot in. If Jeno was shot in this hoodie, he better hope that he had Taeyong on speed-dial. Though the same didn’t have to be said for Jaemin.

“Do you guys have everything you need?” Doyoung asked again as the Stingray entered the highway that would take them to Seoul. Although Doyoung was generally anxious, Jeno was surprised by how much he seemed to worry. It wasn’t what he was expecting from someone who had to let go of their creation. It was a lot more…motherly. Jeno inwardly snorted at the mental image.

“Yes we do,” Jaemin answered in a monotone, “We have answered this six times.”

Doyoung rolled his eyes. In Jeno’s opinion, there really was no way they could miss out anything. He and Jaemin had one bag each, the same as what they came in with, and the addition of a shiny new government-issued Blinker that’s wired to a fat bank account. “Do you have to come?” Jeno asked offhandedly as Seoul’s skyline started to emerge from the horizon.

“Of course!” Doyoung answered vehemently. “I need to make sure that you get settled in at your new place before we go to your school. What if you get lost?”

They were twenty. They also had a tablet.

Jeno wisely chose not to say anything. The university Jisung was attending was prestigious and very exclusive. That meant that it got to sit on a massive piece of land by itself, buildings surrounded by lovely gardens according to the pictures Jeno saw. It also meant that their accommodations in the neighbouring skyscraper were staggeringly expensive. Not like Jeno cared, it wasn’t his money.

The Stingray stuck out like a sore thumb when they arrived. It was a compromise that they had to deal with. They would rather draw attention for looking like they were made of money than start the day with a fiasco on public transport. Doyoung followed them fretfully when they went up to the apartment on the 74th floor to do the unexciting job of dropping their bags in their rooms and doing a cursory five second check of the bare apartment. As they walked over to the university, Jeno got the creeping feeling that Doyoung might actually follow them into the lecture hall. He waited until they were at the gates before turning around, a practiced smile on his face as he prepared to bid him goodbye pointedly.

To his immense shock, Doyoung pulled him into a hug. Without an ounce of hesitation, he did the same to Jaemin whose blank face froze even more, if that was even possible. “You two grew up so fast,” Doyoung said, straightening their clothes and refusing to meet their eyes, “You guys really had it rough with us, I’m sorry about all this but I’m proud of you for pulling through. Take care of yourselves, okay?” With that rushed sentence, he spun around abruptly and started to power walk away as fast as he could.

After a beat, Jeno raised his hand to cup his mouth hesitantly, “Bye, Doyoung!” He received a wave back and turned to Jaemin, tugging him in the direction of the hall where they were to gather for the welcoming speech. “Okay, Jaemin, remember what I said? You need to smile more.”

Jaemin’s lips immediately spread into a maniacal smile.

Jeno winced. “Try it with less teeth?”

Jaemin closed his lips over his teeth. Now he looked constipated.

Students passing them gave them weird looks. Jeno didn’t blame them. They probably looked like idiots standing in the middle of the street smiling at each other.

Jeno closed his eyes and inhaled. “Something like this.” He curved his lips into a coy smile, creasing his eyes into crescents. Jaemin stared at his lips while Jeno tried not to fidget. His lips slowly lifted into a small, breathtakingly pretty smile, one that was almost an exact replica of what he used to smile like. Jeno exhaled in shock, “Yeah, just like that,” He said dazedly.

They started to walk towards the hall, Jaemin smiling the whole way. Jeno squinted at him, wondering if he should tell him to knock it off. It was a faint smile, just barely dancing on his lips but something about it was distinctly unnatural. Or maybe it was just Jeno, if the appreciative glances thrown at Jaemin were any indication.

“This place is very big,” Jaemin commented, still smiling. It was starting to look distinctly creepy.

“Maybe you shouldn’t smile so much,” Jeno suggested as they ascended the steps. The smile immediately dropped off, his expression back to the usual dead-eyed one. “Smile when you see me smiling, alright?” Jaemin nodded.

They entered the auditorium and found a seat in the corner, close to the door and far enough so that they had an unobstructed view of the place. “He’s over there,” Jaemin pointed to a mop of blonde-streaked brown hair a few rows from them. Park Jisung was flanked by Zhong Chenle and Huang Renjun on either side. He was a lot taller than Jeno expected, easily towering over everyone in the row even when he was sitting down.

The orientation speech soon started and Jeno observed them, taking notes of their behaviour and mannerisms while pretending to listen. He and Jaemin had obsessively pored over the files on them, trying to find something that they could work with to get closer to them. The files were exasperatingly sparse; being near the top of the Upper Levels, they were able to access a level of privacy not commonly afforded to most.

Fortunately for them, Jeno had Jaemin.

It barely took Jaemin any time to hack into the school server and swap places with Renjun and Chenle into the orientation group Park Jisung was assigned to. Based on their review of every bit of information on him, Jisung was either very standoffish or painfully shy, never getting close to anyone else and sticking to the other two like glue. Separating him from his friends is the first step to wrangle a foot into that watertight space.

Jeno tensed minutely as the event wound down to a close and the senior students started going around gathering their groups. They were to be in group three, led by someone called Dong Sicheng, a performance arts major and who is quiet enough that it shouldn’t be a problem for Jeno and Jaemin to ambush Jisung. Sicheng was leaving his seat, calling out his group number. Jeno watched the trio check their group numbers, an exclamation coming from Jisung when he realised that they were to be separated.

There was a short discussion that Jeno couldn’t hear, Renjun exchanged a glance with Chenle and the three of them got up, making their way to Sicheng together. In a flash, Jeno realised what they were trying to do. He stood up from his seat at the same time as Jaemin, the other having heard their conversation with his enhanced hearing. Jeno hurried past them as unobtrusively as he could, completing the group just as the trio joined.

Sicheng’s eyebrows raised as he noticed the extra students in his group. “Excuse me,” Renjun spoke up, his lilting voice surprisingly strong despite his size, “I’m sorry to ask this but may we join this group?”

There was a murmur of confusion, Sicheng’s eyebrows furrowed. “Is there a problem with yours? Which group are you in?”

“Group seven.” Renjun answered promptly.

“That’s Kun’s group,” Sicheng said, waving over someone who was presumably him. “I’m sorry, but we made reservations in the restaurant based on the number of people in our group, so I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“What if we swap two people over?” Renjun didn’t seem the slightest bit embarrassed by his demand. Sicheng peered at him in surprise, taken aback by his insistence. “Jisung is in this group and Chenle and I would like to join him, if that’s alright with you.”

“What’s up?” Kun asked as he reached them. He looked frazzled, probably from the absence of two of his students.

Sicheng gestured at the trio, “Two of your students are here and they want to swap with your group to join their friend. Are you okay with that?”

Kun hesitated, Jeno silently prayed that it would work in their favour. This was unfortunately something that neither Jaemin’s skill nor his could push. “I think it’s better not to,” Kun said slowly, “We want you to mix around and make new friends. It would be better if you left your usual crowd for a while.”

Jeno heaved a silent sigh of relief. Chenle seemed put out, but there was a distinct unease in Renjun’s otherwise imperturbable face. “Well, see you later, I guess,” Chenle sighed, squeezing Jisung’s shoulder and turning to leave. Jisung looked positively terrified as he stood rigidly at the back of their group as his friends left. When they were walking down the main street of the university in the direction of the restaurants (a fried chicken store, level 23, table for 10), Jeno murmured, softly enough that no one except for Jaemin would hear, “Jaemin, I need you to play along with what I do.” There was no response except for the slightest nod.

Jeno let himself lag behind, pretending to tie his shoelace. He shook his head minutely, signalling Jaemin to go on. Jeno waited a few moments before he stood up and casually joined Jisung, who was trailing behind the group, his entire stance stiff with anxiety. “Hey,” he greeted, intentionally pitching his voice softer than usual, “Are you alone too?” Jeno placed the slightest emphasis on the last word.

Jisung nodded jerkily. “I kinda wish I have my friends with me,” Jeno continued, still in that same gentle voice.

Jisung hesitated. Jeno worried that he might not even say anything. “Where are they?” Jisung asked, voice so soft it was as though he was afraid of his own voice.

“Not in this school,” Jeno lied easily. He ran his hand through his hair in faux nervousness, letting a hint of uncertainty bleed into his voice, “I’m not good with new people, especially not in groups.” It was a deliberate bait.

Jisung took it, relaxing the slightest bit. “Same. I really wish I could have gone with Renjun and Chenle.”

“Have you three been friends for a long time?” Jeno asked casually.

“For as long as I can remember.” Hmm. That wasn’t as specific as Jeno wanted, but it’ll have to do. For the rest of the walk Jeno danced around topics, making full use of his practice at the Nyx to coax information out of Jisung and for him to get out of his shell. Jisung proved to be a lot harder than the customers he used to deal with, Jeno was practically having a monologue. It was when they were seated at the restaurant that he accidentally chanced on a breakthrough.

“I hope university isn’t too tough,” Jeno said, flipping through the menu, “I want to continue doing my hobby on the weekends.”

“What hobby do you do?” Jisung’s voice picked up a note of interest.

“Oh, I do a lot,” Jeno answered vaguely, “Painting, sculpting, even some dancing – ”

“You dance too?” Jisung asked, voice picking up from his whisper in excitement to a semi-normal volume. Bingo.

“I love it,” Jeno said passionately, grabbing the chance and running with it, “I know people don’t take it seriously, but dancing makes me feel something, I don’t even know how to explain it. When the music starts flowing and I start dancing it feels like I’m expressing the music with my whole body and nothing exists except for me and the dance and – ” Jeno stopped abruptly, pretending to cut himself off, muttering, “I’m sorry, I get really excited about it sometimes.”

Jisung was watching him in amazement, mouth agape. “I know what you mean,” he breathed, eyes alight with fervour, “I love dancing, I’ve never met anyone who feels the same way as me.”

A fierce glow of triumph surged through him as he laughed maniacally in his mind. Jeno mentally thanked the customer whose words he had ripped off. “What genre do you dance?”

Jeno barely paused, freely plagiarizing again, “Contemporary. What about you?”

Jisung deflated a bit. Shit. “Popping.”

Pop what? Popping? What the hell is that? Do they pop their joints? “I’ve been trying to learn that actually,” Jeno said, feeling his way forward cautiously, “But it’s so hard because the flow is different from contemporary…” he trailed off, shrugging self-consciously. “It’s completely different but I like trying out new genres and challenging myself.”

Jisung was eyeing him warily, clearly thinking about something. “Is there anyone teaching you?”

Jeno shook his head ruefully, “You’re the first person I’ve met.” He waited a second before saying shyly, “I haven’t seen you, but you seem like you’re really good at it.” He ducked his head, rubbing his nape and looking away, smiling coyly as though in embarrassment. Jisung was frozen, staring at him with reddening cheeks. Next to him, Jaemin glanced at him in his version of bafflement. Jeno wanted to claw his own face off. 

“I…no. Um. I’m not good. I mean, I’m alright,” Jisung was stuttering.

“You have to show me sometime, I would love to watch,” Jeno said sincerely, pulling back into the realm of a mutual love for dance lest Jisung’s skittishness gets the best of him. Sicheng stepped in at that moment and got everyone to do a brief introduction of themselves. Jeno took the chance to do a cursory scan of the other students at their table, having already checked their names and basic information.

Jang Soobin, chemistry.

Kim Dongwoon, fine arts.

Gong Eunju, fashion design.

And next to him, Park Jisung, biomechanical engineering. The same major as Jaemin and him. Jeno suppressed a sigh at the thought of it. During the month it had taken to enrol Jaemin and Jeno into the major at the last minute and come up with false identities and an apartment, they had to cram as much as they could while Johnny fought with his supervisors to get the clearance they needed. Even for Jeno, who had been studying the topic steadily in his free time over the past three years, it was a lot. Jaemin certainly had an easier time, the algorithm enabling him to maintain laser focus much longer than Jeno while requiring lesser breaks.

“My name is Na Jaemin and my major is biomechanical engineering.” Jaemin introduced himself. It was the first time he had spoken throughout the entire meal.

“What do you like to do?” Sicheng prompted politely. Jeno’s stomach dropped.

Jaemin was silent for a moment, “I do not enjoy anything – ”

“Dancing, say dancing,” Jeno murmured frantically, barely moving his lips, his voice almost inaudible in the noisy restaurant.

“ – except for dancing.” Jaemin finished. Jisung jolted in his seat, staring at Jaemin with wide, excited eyes.

When the introductions moved on, Jisung asked, leaning forward across Jeno, “You dance too?”

“I just started recently,” Jaemin repeated after Jeno who lifted a hand to brush his hair back, covering the movement of his lips. Jeno would almost find it amusing how there was a distinct air of uncertainty around Jaemin, the algorithm struggling between telling the truth and following Jeno’s orders to play along.

“What genre?”

“Contemporary.”

“Oh,” Jisung sat back, baffled, “That’s not an easy genre to start with.” His eyes flicked between the two of them, possibly recalling how they joined the group together. “Do you two know each other?”

“This is the first time we have met,” Jaemin replied, much to Jeno’s relief. His orders had won over the algorithm then. Jeno’s relief was short-lived, because Jaemin went on to say, rather inexplicably, “I have never seen this man before in my life.”

Jeno made a mental note to pretend that he didn’t know Jaemin _at all_. But also to teach him to lie more naturally. Thankfully, Jisung simply looked bemused rather than suspicious. “Yeah, Jeno isn’t the kind to be forgotten easily.”

Jeno barely held his face back from scrunching up. What the hell? Is this kid flirting back with him? This guy is practically an infant. Still, work is work. Jeno glanced at him quickly, letting a startled, pleased smile spread across his face, crinkling his eyes and receiving a smile back. The rest of the dinner passed without incident. The fried chicken meant that they had to eat with their hands and Jaemin didn’t stand out when he wiped his hands down a bit too thoroughly. The noise of the restaurant and his unapproachable aura also meant that conversation with him didn’t last too long. Jeno spent the meal talking to Jisung who had basically imprinted on him, the other having warmed up enough to volunteer topics more easily than before.

At the end of the meal, Jisung held him back by tugging on his sleeve, “Would you…would you like to dance together sometime?” Jisung whispered, face completely red in mortification.

Jeno smiled beatifically, deliberately resting his hand on Jisung’s arm for a moment too long before drawing away. “I would love to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahaha hey try it with l e s s teeth ;) ;)


	6. Chapter 6

When Jeno exchanged numbers with Jisung, he was under the impression that Jisung just wanted an excuse to ask him out. He would wait for Jisung to text first and when the right time came, he would casually mention how there was a nice place that they could go to for a meal and Jeno could do his thing where he pried information out of people.

That was how people worked. Or at least the ones he had met at his old job. They asked people out under the guise of something else.

So it was a _little_ bit of a surprise when he got a message barely three hours after they parted, asking him if he would like to join him at his usual dance practice next Monday. Jisung was even kind enough to invite Jaemin along.

Monday was less than five days away.

The only kind of dancing Jeno has ever done was to dance around topics.

He stared at his Blinker, at the message flashing up at him, and slowly turned his head to face Jaemin who was doing the same. “Contemporary,” Jeno managed to say, “We have to learn how to dance contemporary.”

Jaemin scrolled through the tablet, a tiny frown between his eyebrows. At least Jeno wasn’t the only one concerned, if even Jaemin was frowning. “It says here that contemporary dance has elements of ballet and jazz to express the song in a lyrical and interpretive way.” Jaemin stopped, face even more blank than before, clearly as lost as Jeno.

Jeno felt an incoming headache. It sounded like they had to get in tune with their emotions and do something artsy with the music. The physical part might not be a big issue because of their intense training and Jeno figured that the motions shouldn’t be too different from martial arts, but how the fuck is he supposed to teach a robot super soldier to feel the music? Jeno could break his arm and Jaemin would barely feel the pain for god’s sake. He grabbed a pillow and attempted to smother himself.

Classes were relatively light the first week where the only problem they faced was how to get Jaemin to behave semi-normally around people. Jeno couldn’t understand the concept of “getting to know your classmates” but he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth, not when he and Jaemin were using every spare moment they had referencing a thousand dance videos and attempting to emulate it.

“We are not doing that one,” Jeno said immediately.

Jaemin blinked at him slowly.

Jeno gestured at the tablet in exasperation just as the girl did a somersault in mid-air, “Just look at that.” He could practically hear his joints crack.

“You are rather flexible, I believe. This should not be a problem.” Easy for Jaemin to say. His limbs were practically detachable.

“I don’t want to land wrong and end up with an injury,” Jeno pulled the tablet over, settling himself next to Jaemin on the couch and resting his head on Jaemin’s shoulder while he scrolled. Although generally not one for physical touch – that was Jaemin’s thing – Jeno found that he was getting used to initiating it. Nothing was too minor for Jeno not to give it a go, he never knew when he could hit the breaking point of the damn algorithm.

“You seem to enjoy being close to me,” Jaemin commented, his deep voice practically a rumble against Jeno’s ear from where it was pressed against him.

“You used to enjoy it too,” Jeno replied, focused on the tablet, “It’s too bad you don’t anymore.”

Jaemin was quiet for a moment, “It is not unpleasant to me. I simply do not understand why you do.”

Jeno pulled back to lift his legs and drape them over Jaemin, “It’s what people do when they are fond of each other. They want to be close so that they can assure themselves of the other person’s presence.”

“We see each other every day. Is that insufficient?”

Not for the first time, a twinge shot through Jeno. Jaemin’s voice was so cold, clinical and indifferent. Some days Jeno thinks that it wasn’t Jaemin, only the algorithm speaking to him. He shifted himself so that he was resting against Jaemin’s chest, hearing the steady thumping of the artificial heart below. Was this not the same too? He didn’t let the thought go any further. “It’s not always about seeing,” Jeno said quietly, “It’s about what the heart needs.”

“The heart?”

“Yes. Sometimes the hearts miss each other.”

/

Jeno held out hope that they would get over it, convinced that that night was merely a product of emotional vulnerability exacerbated by hormones. When Jaemin showed no signs of letting up and the uncomfortable emotions continued to roll in him, he was forced to accept that he couldn’t go on ignoring it any longer.

The fact was; Jeno was rattled. He was frankly frightened out of his wits at both the intensity of his feelings and the honesty of it all. It was even more unnerving how easily Jaemin accepted his own feelings as though he was waiting for Jeno all along.

When Jeno was like this, he liked to calm himself down by thinking about the situation logically. In other words, he overthinks himself in circles.

Jeno looked down at the crying woman, the fourth one this week while mentally obsessing over his FeelingsTM. He responded to her on autopilot, wiping her tears and wrapping an arm around her. She turned her face to him, eyes glinting with tears as she waited for something. Jeno tried not to frown in confusion.

After a moment, she turned away, hunching in on herself. Jeno imagined Jaemin in her place, crying his eyes out over a husband who didn’t love her. Immediately, a sense of rage and hatred towards the faceless man bubbled in him and he took a deep, silent breath to calm himself. Well, that explained one thing. The violent streak towards people who were mean to Jaemin in six-year-old him was still holding strong.

Is Jaemin attractive? Jeno didn’t even have to think that one through.

Is he attracted to Jaemin? Jeno glanced down at the woman and impulsively tugged her up, earning a surprised yelp. He pulled her into an embrace, holding her close and tucking her head into his shoulder, instantly hating it with his entire being. God, he hates human contact with strangers.

Jeno forced himself to stay still and play the part, replacing her with other people in his imagination. Taeil, Madam, Jaemin. Heat rose in his cheeks and he unconsciously pulled her closer. Okay, that was another criteria ticked off.

Having satisfied his curiosity, Jeno let go of her with a sense of relief, guiding her back in the chair. She tried to hold onto him and Jeno fought back his irritation, not liking the skin contact. He poured her a glass of water, distantly keeping watch on the advice he was saying while he tried to counsel himself.

Jeno imagined himself standing in front of a board like Madam, writing out his thoughts in sequential, numerical order in his mind’s eye:

  1. Jeno doesn’t hate skin contact with Jaemin
  2. Jeno doesn’t hate Jaemin as much as everyone else
  3. Jeno hates anyone who lays a finger on him.



Huh. That could still pass as friendship.

There was one last thing he needed to check. Jeno steeled himself, trying to convince himself to go down that path. There was literally no one he could talk to this about which meant that Jeno had to figure it out himself. If this definition was fulfilled, he reasoned to himself, then Jeno would have satisfied the necessary conditions to conclude with certainty that he reciprocated Jaemin’s feelings and could respond to Jaemin’s increasingly pointed advances.

Jeno made himself stare at the exposed skin of the woman’s shoulders and neck, imagining it to be Jaemin’s. No, Jaemin’s skin wasn’t that pale and smooth. It was tan and covered in a hundred scars because he’s a clumsy idiot. He imagined pushing the collar of Jaemin’s sleep shirt down, exposing his collarbones. In his mind’s eye, he had Jaemin under him while he licked Jaemin’s neck, Jaemin’s breaths harsh in his ear as his hand reached beneath his shirt to tug at –

Jeno wrenched himself out of his imagination and found that he had started sweating under his collar. With a start, he realised that he had stopped speaking and the woman was staring at him in confusion. He hurriedly tried to fix his mistake, smoothing over that momentary daze.

Okay, Jeno concluded quickly, swiping down the mental board, flustered beyond belief. He likes Jaemin. So. Jeno seized logic, his favourite method of working through things. All he had to do now was tell Jaemin.

Something rose in Jeno at the thought, something unfamiliar, light and warm that was in complete contrast with how he had sorted himself out earlier. It curved his lips involuntarily as he headed to the locker rooms after his shift ended. He almost felt like he would – god forbid – giggle from the lightness.

“Jeno, Jaemin,” Taeil motioned to them as they changed out of their uniforms in the locker room, face sombre. They walked over to him, worried. His grim demeanour faded and his face cracked into a smile. “Don’t look so serious, I’m giving you a pay raise.”

Jeno’s eyes widened and Jaemin let out a squeak of excitement. “I had my doubts at first about hiring two inexperienced kids but you two have been great,” Taeil looked pleased with them, unlike his usual business-like behaviour, “No problems at all, Jeno especially has been very popular with the customers.”

Jeno stole a glance at Jaemin. He looked beside himself with delight, eyes sparkling with excitement as he grinned at Jeno. “Keep it up,” Taeil said a little awkwardly. It was obvious that he didn’t do this often. He patted them on their shoulders and hurriedly left.

“Jeno, do you know what this means?” Jaemin demanded, barely holding himself back when the door swung closed behind Taeil.

“We could look into finally buying a Boardwalker so we don’t have to wake up so early just to walk to work, or maybe some instant ramen for the time being – ” Jeno listed out, mentally calculating their expenses.

“We can buy kimchi!” Jaemin cut him off, voice jumping several pitches in excitement.

Jeno looked at him in bewilderment. A snort escaped him before he could hold it back, escalating into laughter when Jaemin glared at him in indignation. “Of all things – ” he broke off again, laughing. Whatever Jaemin was about to say in response disappeared when Jeno pulled him into a fierce embrace, relief and pride for them both having made it through their first year in Seoul alone flooding through him.

The crack was completely open, guards down and heart out. Happiness fizzed in him like champagne, free and liberating as the iron control he usually maintained crumbled, so much it felt like his heart was floating in his chest.

“Let’s celebrate,” Jaemin declared, hugging Jeno just as tightly. “Let’s buy alcohol.”

“What? No, alcohol is expensive.”

Jaemin drew back, not letting go of Jeno and arching an eyebrow. This close, Jeno could count every single one of his spidery eyelashes that fanned his bright eyes. Flushed with giddy happiness, from the pay raise or from having Jaemin so close to him, so intimately in his arms he didn’t know. All he knew was that he wanted to lean forward and press his lips to Jaemin’s. “We’ll get just one bottle each.” Jaemin’s voice filtered into his head, drawing him back to reality.

Jeno rolled his eyes, knowing that there was no way to stop him. His lips crooked into a lopsided smile and Jeno’s arms slid down Jaemin’s back to hold his hips in his hands, tugging him closer. “We’ll celebrate however you want.”

A hot blush bloomed in Jaemin’s face, his mouth falling open. Jeno’s smirk widened, feeling unusually playful. He leaned forward, resting his forehead against Jaemin and looking up at him from beneath his eyelashes, “What happened to all your innuendos? Are you getting shy now?”

“Absolutely not,” Jaemin shot back breathlessly, “I’m enjoying the moment. God, Jeno, you’re…you’re really fucking hot right now.”

Jeno let go of Jaemin, his grin turning teasing at the affronted expression on his face. “Let’s get home then.”

Jeno managed to keep himself together up to the point where they got to one of the many pubs in their neighbourhood and drank half the bottle of soju at one go. It was their first time trying alcohol and it tasted disgusting, but soon after that a haze took over their minds. They staggered out of the pub, Jeno couldn’t stop laughing, hands unable to let go of Jaemin. He had never felt so happy before. 

Hang on, Jeno’s mind was sluggish, the neon lights and general chaos of their neighbourhood not helping in the slightest, I have to tell Jaemin something. What was it that he had to say? The words faded under the soft hand of euphoria that closed over his eyes gently.

He was seventeen, a youth made careless by alcohol as he stumbled down the street between buildings that reached to the sky, further than he can ever dream of reaching.

He was seventeen and in that last night Jeno did not care for the diamonds in the sky or the ones that fell from the eyes of the stars who lived in them.

“Wait, Jeno,” Jaemin’s voice was raspy from the alcohol, tugging on Jeno’s arm. He swayed on his feet as he stood in front of Jeno, but his gaze was clear and did not. Jaemin’s eyes were brilliantly bright as they rested on him, tender with affection, “I need to tell you something before I forget.”

Jaemin’s lips curved into a small, shy smile, nothing like Jeno had ever seen before. Softly, cautiously, the words slipped out like a secret, “I like you. I like you so, so much.”

Something in Jeno soared, going up, up, up.

How could he, when he had Jaemin in front of him?

That was the last and clearest memory Jeno had of him. Two boys painted in neon lights, a bit too young for this city, drunk off each other and the delicate blossom of a quiet, careful love, in the last night when they could believe that they had it all.

/

“Don’t forget,” Jeno repeated again as they headed towards the school on their Boardwalkers, slightly stressed by the idea of putting Jaemin in close range with their target. “Jisung is a _friend_. You need to be nice and not attack him, okay? He’s a baby.”

“He appears to be an adult approximately nineteen years of age – ”

“I mean he behaves like one because as far as we know, he’s harmless.”

“He has not displayed infantile behaviour – ”

“Shut up, Jaemin. Just listen. We need to become his friend so that he’ll trust us and then we can slowly pry information out of him,” Jeno paused, worst-case scenarios spinning through his head, “On second thought, forget that. I’ll handle it. You just need to become his friend.”

“Be his friend,” Jaemin repeated slowly, nodding.

“Do you remember what I told you about friends? Don’t be silent, that’s not how it works,” because god forbid that Jaemin chooses to set himself to Mute mode to avoid compromising the interpersonal relations Jeno was trying to build. He would die if he had to be the mouthpiece for the whole day. “Say what’s on your mind but be gentle so that you don’t hurt their feelings.” A thought crossed his mind, “You can also talk to them about topics that they seem interested in. That always helps.”

Under the daylight, Jaemin fit right in among the steel and glass buildings around them. Gone was the scruffy boy from Jeno’s memories. Everything from his electric blue hair, picture-perfect face and teal shirt clearly distinguished him as an Upper Tier. He was the complete opposite of Jeno. Despite his careful styling, Jeno couldn’t quite get rid of the harsh set of his jaw, the watchful, almost predatory gleam in his eyes that marked him just the slightest bit different from the rest.

They dropped their Boardwalkers off at the automated station at the entrance, joining the trickle of students heading for their morning class. The dance studio where they were to meet at was apparently not Jisung’s usual spot. He normally danced at home, a fact that Jeno reminded himself to take advantage of sometime.

“Jisung’s friends are also our friends,” Jeno lowered his voice, “That includes Renjun and Chenle. Smile at them when you see them, or you can take cues from me. Treat them like how you would to me.”

Jisung greeted them at the studio, dressed in loose black clothes and looking far chipper than most people would at the hour. Jeno made sure to brush his shoulders as they passed to put their bags on the ground. “Is it okay if you show me a bit of your dance routine?” Jisung asked hopefully when they were done with their warmup stretching. “It would be easier for me to help you if I have an idea of your dance style.”

He would have absolutely no idea what they’re dancing to, that Jeno was sure of, because he didn’t know either. “Jaemin and I are working on one together,” he began, preparing to launch into his scripted bullshit, “So it isn’t very polished yet.”

“You guys danced together already?” there was the faintest hint of disappointment in his voice.

“Just once,” Jeno clarified hastily, expecting this response, “Since we have the same dance style and all.” Jeno nodded at Jaemin and they moved into position, going through the routine Jeno had haphazardly put together once he saw the disaster that was a cyborg dancing contemporary. Jeno wasn’t the best, but at least he would be able to take the attention off Jaemin this way.

They moved through the routine they memorised, Jeno reaching forward to pull Jaemin as they ended in a pose facing each other. An overwhelming silence suffocated the studio. “That’s…really nice.” Poor Jisung sounded like he was struggling to find something to say. “Yeah, I really like the thing you did earlier when you,” he did a vague imitation, long arms resembling noodles in his confusion, “It was really…nice.” He repeated again lamely.

“Thank you, it’s okay to say that I suck,” Jeno chuckled self-deprecatingly, “I got really rusty from not having danced so long.”

Jisung waved his hands in denial, eyes wide, “No! I mean, it’s not the best but everyone starts out bad, especially if they haven’t done it for a long time,” he spoke earnestly, “But muscle memory will take over if it’s something that you used to do a lot.”

Jeno blinked, genuinely surprised by the sincerity. Jisung had already turned his attention to Jaemin, “You’re a little stiff,” he said carefully, “Since it’s your first time dancing maybe you can try out different genres? Maybe popping would work for you?”

Jeno knew an escape when he saw one. “It’s what you’re good at, right? Could you show us?”

Jisung laughed sheepishly, “I’m not good enough to teach, but basically you just need to tense up and do this,” Jisung demonstrated, moving through a routine too complicated for Jeno to follow. Jeno stole a glance at Jaemin. The other was watching Jisung so intensely his gaze could burn. After a moment, Jaemin slid into position and repeated the smooth, robotic motions easily, far more naturally than his attempts with contemporary.

“Woah, that’s pretty good,” Jisung looked surprised, mirroring Jeno, “Yeah, you seem to be better at this than contemporary.” Jisung threw Jeno an apologetic look that he smiled at, not letting his expression crack. “It’s almost like these motions are wired into your limbs,” Jisung was still complimenting Jaemin, thankfully not hearing Jeno’s snort. If only he knew.

“Will you please teach me?” Jaemin asked, straight-faced and dead-eyed, “You are good at it and I would like to learn.”

“Sure,” Jisung agreed readily, clearly thrown off by Jaemin’s typical unenthusiastic demeanour, “We could meet up every week for this.” His eyes darted to Jeno’s, so quickly that he almost missed it. He stepped closer to Jisung, laying his hand on his shoulder, “May I join too?” he asked playfully, “I hope I won’t be interrupting.”

Jisung beamed, cheeks flushing slightly, “Of course! I would like that,” his cheeks reddened further when he registered what he said, ducking his head.

Jeno took pity on him. He glanced at his Blinker, checking the time and feigning surprise, “Sorry, I have to go for my Biochem class so I have to head off now.”

“I’m taking that too!” Jisung exclaimed to no one’s surprise but his own. They already memorised his timetable before they even met. “I’ll come with.”

They walked through the campus quickly, the building being further than they thought. “Is it okay if Renjun joins us?” he asked timidly, as though he was the one intruding and not the other way around. “He’s the blonde guy you saw last week at orientation.”

Ah. Renjun. The troublesome one. “That would be nice,” Jeno smiled at him, “Jaemin and I could use some friends.” Clearly following his orders from earlier, Jaemin picked up the cue and pulled his lips into his signature maniacal smile, the one with way too many teeth. 

Jisung stared at Jaemin, unnerved, but he was nice enough to not say anything. “Jisung!” a commanding voice called out as they neared the building. Renjun was waiting at the entrance to the building, scowling as he glanced at his Blinker. “You’re late,” he snapped, eyes flickering to Jeno and Jaemin, not looking entirely friendly. Jeno didn’t have the time to dwell on that, he tucked that information into his Jisung-labelled file and they hurried into the lecture hall where Jeno seated himself next to Jisung, ignoring the side glance from Renjun.

Their first assignment of the semester was a group project. There was a chorus of nervous tittering when the professor announced that the grouping was to be done with their seat neighbours at the end of the class. “Oh!” Jisung looked between Renjun and him with no small amount of relief, “There’s just enough of us to make up a group of four,” he said happily.

Having planned for this, Jeno tried not to feel too smug. “You don’t really like to meet new people, don’t you?” he teased lightly.

“Not at all,” Renjun’s voice was sharp, “Jisung’s usually bad with new people.” There was an undercurrent of accusation in his voice. Jeno’s smile didn’t falter, meeting his gaze head-on placidly, “In that case, it must be fate that we hit off so well right from the beginning.” He turned his smile to Jisung, ignoring Renjun’s incredulous gaze.

“Let’s go for lunch,” Jisung suggested, flustered. Jeno saw him jab at Renjun pointedly, flinching when Renjun retaliated with twice the force. As they walked to the cafeteria, Renjun monopolized Jisung’s attention, forcibly drawing him back whenever he tried to include Jeno and Jaemin.

Jeno tilted his head, murmuring softly, “Are they dating?”

Jaemin shook his head minutely, the weird smile gone from his face now that Jeno could finally rest his cheeks, “It does not seem so.” That was strange. Renjun was exuding a lot of hostility for someone who he has never met. He quickly schooled his expression when Jisung turned around, “Um,” he started softly, “Would you like to have lunch together?” he asked in a rush. “It’s okay if you don’t,” he clarified quickly, “You probably want to meet your other friends.”

Jeno chuckled, “I would love to, if Renjun is okay with it?” he directed to the other timidly, tentatively, as though afraid of rejection.

“Chenle will be joining us,” Renjun said instead, cleverly stepping out of the trap.

Fuck, Jeno knew that this guy was going to be a brat right from the first moment he heard his whiny voice demanding to join a group. “Oh,” he pressed his lips into a line apologetically, “I suppose I shouldn’t intrude.”

“It’s no problem!” Jisung intervened, shooting a glare at Renjun, who looked mightily unimpressed, “Please do, and Jaemin too if you like.”

Jaemin nodded, “I will join you.” As soon as Jisung turned around again, pushing open the door of the cafeteria, Jeno narrowed his eyes at Renjun’s back, hating him already. Perhaps Jisung’s seclusion wasn’t as voluntary as the files suggested. The bigger reason was right there, walking beside him, all 170 cm of it wrapped in a designer blue coat.

“You have a hostile expression on your face,” Jaemin said, his low voice barely audible over the din of the cafeteria as they dropped their bags at a table and headed to the automated station to order. Jeno smoothed his expression, glancing at Renjun in puzzlement when he twitched.

“Yo, Renjun!” Chenle came up to them, slapping Renjun on the back hard and unwrapping a popsicle, grinning at the murderous expression on his face. Jeno liked him already. He glanced at them, the smile slipping into something a little more reserved, “You guys are…?”

“This is Jeno and Jaemin,” Jisung introduced with the air of someone wanting to get it over with quickly.

Chenle’s face scrunched, “Jeno? Is it the one you were – ” Jeno glanced over in puzzlement as he finished up his order at the station. Jisung was dragging Chenle to their table in a way that looked a bit too forceful. He caught a tail end of Jisung’s sentence, voice rising in exasperation, “Just shut up and eat your popsicle.”

They headed towards the table with their food, Renjun speedwalking to snatch the last available seat next to Jisung. Jeno set down his food directly across Jisung, ignoring Renjun and preparing to maximise eye contact with his victim. It was an awkward position, the three musketeers sat on either side of Jisung, forming a mini wall against Jeno and Jaemin. Chenle, to his credit, simply looked curious.

It was quite apparent now that Jisung’s isolation had been a combination of his own shyness and Renjun’s guard dog behaviour. Jeno couldn’t think of a single reason for why Renjun was being so overprotective. It couldn’t possibly be Upper Level exclusiveness because everyone in this school was an Upper Tier. Or, Jeno entertained the wild thought, he was secretly in love with Jisung and was doing a very bad job at hiding his jealousy. Does he think of Jeno as a homewrecker? The only thing Jeno was interested in was the inside of Jisung’s brain, not his mouth.

“How shall we do the project?” Jaemin bypassed every social convention and cut through the tension abruptly, probably not even registering it in the first place.

“You guys have a project already?” Chenle dug into his food with great gusto, the earlier popsicle not curbing his appetite in the slightest, “That’s what you get for trying to save the world.”

“Just wait till you get your own projects,” Jisung snapped, voice significantly louder than the kid who seemed afraid of his own voice, “And I told you, we’re not saving the world!”

“Hey, at least I can bullshit in front of people,” Chenle jabbed his chopsticks at the other, narrowly missing him with a stray grain of rice, “You? You’re just shit.”

“The both of you are full of shit,” Renjun cut in irritably as Jisung started to puff up in indignation, “What the hell are you doing?” his question directed the attention of everyone at the table to where Jaemin was meticulously wiping down his utensils.

“I am cleaning them,” Jaemin replied monotonously.

“No kidding,” Renjun batted back. Jeno fought back a wave of renewed annoyance, “But for what? Are you a clean freak or something?”

“You never know if they’re really clean,” Jeno shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant. Jeno decided to take control before the conversation steered to dangerous waters and they started questioning too much. Announcing that Jaemin was about 80% synthetic and partially immunocompromised didn’t seem like a good icebreaker. “We should set up a time to meet and work on the project.”

“We can just do it here,” Renjun was quick to refuse.

“Over curry udon, sure,” Jeno bit back, momentarily forgetting his role to be tame and sweet, “It’s not like it makes up 60% of our grade.”

They glared at each other. Jisung looked nervous. Chenle didn’t attempt to hide his interest. “This place is not conducive to learning,” Jaemin pointed out, the sole rational voice among them now that his partner was an inch from losing it against this blonde brat. “It would be more efficient if we find a time to work on it in relative peace.”

“Fine,” Renjun gave in, cutting his steak aggressively, “The faster we finish it, the better.” He wasn’t even trying to hide his hostility anymore. Jisung sent him a horrified, warning look.

“Sounds good,” Jeno smiled at him blatantly, “That way Jisungie and I would have more time to dance together,” he deliberately dragged out his name, revelling in the fury that he could feel building in Renjun.

“Shall we meet on Friday?” Jaemin scrolled through his Blinker. He hadn’t even touched his food yet. Jeno folded his fingers around his utensils, a silent reminder to eat.

“I’m good. Renjun should be as well…?” Jisung said, reaching over to snag a piece of meat from Chenle’s plate and dissolving into a tussle which ended with the meat on the table.

Jeno couldn’t care less if he didn’t. Jeno would be more than happy to tattle to the professor and demolish his grade for the class. “Three second rule!” Chenle yelled triumphantly in the background, snatching up the meat with his bare hands and popping it into his mouth. “Stop _eating_ everything you see!” Renjun said in exasperation, almost ready to climb over Jisung to wrench the meat out of Chenle’s mouth and much too distracted to continue his attacks against Jeno, “After classes then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen I have been WAITING to introduce Renjun. What's your favourite line of him? My personal favourite is: "Ah. Renjun. The troublesome one"
> 
> Jeno's an awkward bean learning how to be human forgive the child
> 
> Also I know it's kinda all fun and games now but I promise it'll get a little more serious in the future.


	7. Chapter 7

To Jeno’s displeasure, Renjun was surprisingly good to work with. He put aside his hostility long enough for them to get some decent progress on the project, although Jeno wasn’t sure if it was because Jisung told him off or out of a desire to finish it as fast as they can. Jeno suspected the latter. Jisung was the kind who would be intimidated by his own attempts to intimidate.

“Hey,” Jeno whispered to Jisung, leaning over. They had booked a discussion room and gradually migrated to the couches scattered around the place after an hour to work on their tablets. Jaemin and Renjun were on the other side of the room, discussing their parts in low voices. “Wanna get dinner after this?”

Jisung jerked, almost dropping his tablet, “Yeah, that would be great,” he agreed breathlessly. Jeno was starting to feel bad for choosing this tactic. Maybe it was the first time Jisung ever got hit on by someone which was why he got flustered over the smallest things. It didn’t help Jeno’s case of feeling like he was corrupting an innocent.

“Jisung,” Renjun drawled, stretching. Even before he opened his mouth Jeno predicted that it would be something that pissed him off to no end. Renjun had that effect on people. “Let’s go for dinner, I’m hungry.”

Jeno took a moment to curse Renjun colourfully in his mind. “I…” Jisung looked at Jeno helplessly, apology in his eyes. Renjun, the little shit, definitely did this on purpose. There was no way Jisung could reject him without revealing his dinner plans with Jeno and he was much too shy to do something like that. “Okay,” he replied in a small voice.

Renjun had the audacity to beam at him. It was an unfairly pretty smile for someone so demonic. “I’ll let Chenle know, he’s been whining about missing us all week.”

“That’s his own fault for taking business studies, that capitalist,” Jisung muttered.

“Would you be coming too?” Renjun asked Jaemin in a tone that sounded nothing like an invitation and more of a command. Jaemin met his anguished eyes and nodded mutely, blank face managing to look a little sorry for Jeno. Jeno could barely make himself smile back.

They decided on barbecue to celebrate the end of their first ‘proper’ school week, a luxury that Jeno and Jaemin could never have afforded before this. “Let’s get drinks, let’s get drinks, let’s get drinks,” Chenle said in one breath before he even sat down. It looked like he had gotten over his initial reservation about Jeno and Jaemin. Based on their lunch, Jeno would wager that he simply didn’t give a fuck. That meant that Renjun has been the sole obstacle strong-arming everyone away by the sheer force of his contempt alone. Jeno would gladly take him on, he has plenty of spite to make up for it.

“We literally just turned of age this year,” Jisung said disapprovingly. He seemed to have a habit of picking fights with the other over the most mundane things, “Why are you so obsessed with alcohol already?”

“Not everyone has bad taste like you,” Chenle laughed in delight at his own pun, the only one at the table to laugh, “Well, not in everything at least,” he amended after giving Jeno a very significant look. Jeno glanced at Jaemin worriedly when the Retainers came by and dropped the meat and drinks off. There wasn’t much he could eat save for the meat and rice.

Everyone at the table was already making their own lettuce wraps, juice dripping down their fingers from the bites of meat they picked off the fire.

“Stop eating all the meat!” Jisung nagged, attempting to pull the plate of cooked meat away from Chenle and passing it to Jeno and Jaemin, putting meat on their plate. “Eat the vegetables too, god.”

Chenle yanked it back, almost dropping half the pile onto the table. Renjun made a growl of warning, eyes glued to his precious meat. Jeno entertained the thought of spilling his peach flavoured soju over it just to see the look on his face. “Be careful!” he scolded, “I’ll kill you if this ends up on the table.”

“All the better for me,” Chenle said gleefully. “By the way, I never got to ask but how did you guys end up with Jisung?” Chenle asked suddenly. It was an innocuous question, Chenle wasn’t even looking at him when he asked, reaching over the table for gochujang. “Both of you are pretty quiet.” His eyes slid from Jeno to a silent Jaemin, gaze heavy and assessing. Jeno was struck with the realisation that Chenle hadn’t let his guard down around them, he was simply more subtle than Renjun.

“We met at orientation,” Jeno replied, smiling a little to ease the tension, “Jisung’s introducing us to popping.”

“Jisung is a very good teacher,” Jaemin supplemented helpfully, methodically burning his meat to a crisp. 

Renjun scoffed at Jisung, “What happened to you? You could barely speak to anyone and out of the blue you made two friends over one dinner. You guys hardly even spoke.” His gaze slid over them judgmentally.

“Please ignore Renjun,” Chenle broke in, uncomfortable with his friend’s bluntness too. “It’s unusual for Jisung to make friends and we’re surprised, that’s all.”

Jeno paused, busily sorting through the millions of excuses he had prepared. Before he could decide on one, Jaemin spoke up, “Are we bothering you?” His expression was flat, voice even and almost gentle despite the curtness of his sentence, “Neither of us have friends in this school. We met Jisung at orientation and do not have any other intention than to be your friends. If you and Renjun are averse to the idea, we will stop.”

Silence fell abruptly. Chenle looked taken aback by the directness of his speech, a shred of lettuce falling out of his open mouth. Ugh, disgusting. Jeno internally cheered at the mixture of embarrassment and shock that was creeping over Renjun’s face. In less than ten seconds Jaemin had simultaneously destroyed suspicion and called out Renjun for his hostility, all by being honest. He probably didn’t even realise what he had done.

“I…” Renjun stuttered, completely thrown off his game. He exchanged a helpless glance with Chenle, mortified.

“Do you dislike us?” Jaemin asked when he didn’t get a reply, “I do not think that we have done anything that would be deserving of your dislike, but perhaps I have not realised so.” There was a short pause, “People are generally not fond of me, I am sorry that my presence makes you uncomfortable.”

A twinge shot through Jeno and he involuntarily glanced at Jaemin. His expression was impassive, eyes blank as ever. To an observer he seemed indifferent, but something about that sentence was painfully pitiful. Jaemin 2.0, oblivious as he was, probably noticed how people went out of their way to avoid him during their training. It was something that would be unbearably hurtful to the old Jaemin, if he was watching from the inside somehow. The thought of that was depressing.

“Don’t be!” Jisung couldn’t take it anymore, he reached forward and clasped Jaemin’s hand, surprising Jeno. Jisung didn’t seem like the kind to initiate contact. “You’re not a bad person, you’re just a little awkward. It’s hard to make friends when everyone thinks that you’re a mood killer.” He shrunk back, pulling his hand away, losing his courage as quickly as it had overtaken him.

“It’s not something you need to apologise for,” Jisung went on in a small voice, self-conscious of the eyes on him, “Just…do your thing and the right people will come,” His eyes darted to Jeno quickly as he said that, “You won’t need to explain yourself or hide from those people.”

Jeno blinked, at a loss for words. Jisung was definitely speaking from personal experience. He ran over their interactions in his mind in a new light. No wonder Jisung was so eager. He wasn’t hitting on Jeno, he was over the moon about finding a rare person he could click with outside of his little world where population numbered n = 2. And it was over something as mundane as enjoying the same hobby.

Jaemin turned his head to look at Jeno, “I do not hide from Jeno,” he said unexpectedly, “He is my friend.”

/

The first thing Jeno did when they got back was to attempt to drown himself in the shower. All things considered, it wasn’t a bad meal. Renjun backed off very quickly after Jaemin’s little speech and Chenle looked apologetic, although he hadn’t done anything at all. As for Jaemin, as much as Jeno would like to believe it he knew that Jaemin was merely following his definition. Of course he didn’t have to hide from Jeno, Jeno was literally the only person here who knew about him.

Jeno exhaled, letting the hot water drown out the world for a little while. The sound of the rushing water echoed through the marble bathroom. It was a beautifully appointed apartment, expensive shops and restaurants just a few levels away and the windows overlooked a lovely skypark that was the exact kind the Conservatory was on. It was the nicest place that they had ever lived in before and none of it mattered to Jeno because it was all a façade.

They were Lower Tiers pretending to be Upper Tiers. Jaemin was a robot pretending to be a human. Jeno was a boy trying his hardest to be everything he needed to be.

Jeno scrubbed his hair as though trying to get rid of his wandering thoughts. It all hit too close to home, deeper than he would like. Jeno still struggled with understanding himself most of the time and tonight was a tangled ball of nostalgia, regret and grief too messy for him to comprehend aside from the fact that it hurt. Fuck. This is why he left the feelings to Jaemin.

He finally exited the shower after scrubbing himself raw. Jaemin was sitting on the couch, already washed and dressed. Droplets of water from his wet hair dripped lazily onto the leather couch. Jeno sighed, pulling the towel of his shoulders to go behind Jaemin and rub his hair dry.

“You’ll get headaches if you sleep with wet hair,” Jeno chided gently. Jaemin peered up at him, long lashes fluttering when the towel fell into his eyes.

“You did not say anything earlier,” Jaemin stated, “From my understanding, friendships are mutual. Am I your friend?”

Jeno stopped his ministrations before starting again. “Of course. What brought this up?”

“You have never said anything. I did not know if I am your friend or merely your partner.”

Jeno removed the towel, circling around to sit next to Jaemin. Jaemin’s eyes followed his every move. “Is it important to know if I’m your friend?” It was a deliberate question. The algorithm had muted his feelings and memory like morning fog over the city. Whatever memory he had left about Jeno no longer held the dimension of emotions which made them important. To Jaemin, Jeno was simply someone he grew up with.

Jaemin considered the question. “No,” he said, voice definite. “Johnny’s orders were to obey you and learn how to behave to make people comfortable around me. I was expressly forbidden from hurting anyone. As long as your orders do not conflict with mine, it should not matter if you are my friend.”

Jeno shook his head. He had to backtrack, the algorithm was going the wrong way. “If it does not matter, why did you ask me if I was your friend?”

That gave Jaemin pause. “I…need to know,” he sounded confused, or at least as confused as his flat voice could. He said nothing else and that told Jeno that it was a dead end. He scooted forward, reaching forward to hold Jaemin’s hand, intertwining their fingers.

“I needed to know too,” he fiddled with Jaemin’s fingers. “That you’re my friend.”

“Is that important to know?” Jaemin repeated his question back to him.

Jeno tightened his hold, “Remember what Jisung said?” Jaemin nodded, “Friends are people you don’t have to hide from.” He bit his lip, bitterly reminded of who had told him this before, “I don’t hide from you. And that makes you important to me.”

It was a quiet admission, barely taking up any space in the cold emptiness of the apartment, so different from their cramped home on the 8th floor where the only peace was in the space between them. The words echoed in the hollowness, meaning the world to a boy who said it too late to a boy to whom it meant nothing anymore.

Jeno knew this, so he bent his head, pressing his lips to chilly metal knuckles and trying not to cry. Is this how the universe takes her revenge? Jeno thought tiredly. For every diamond that Jeno plucked from the sky for his own amusement, he’s made to pay it back a hundred times now, to feel it over and over from someone who was unable to comprehend the gravity of his words.

Jeno made himself go on. He still had a job to do. “You don’t have to hide around Jisung and Renjun and Chenle because they’re your friends, but you can’t tell them about the base or your body because that’s Taeyong’s secret and we can’t share it with anyone.”

“I understand.” The first tear rolled out of his eye, unbidden, falling onto the knuckle. Jaemin drew his hand away, examining the droplet and looking back to Jeno. Something flickered in Jaemin’s eyes wildly. “You are crying,” It was not a question. Jeno nodded. “You cried when your book was damaged too.” Jeno nodded again.

“It’s stupid now that I think back about it,” Jeno passed a hand over his face, embarrassed by his momentary lack of control, “But at that time it made me really upset because it was something precious to me.” He felt completely drained. Passing out right here on the couch was starting to seem more and more appealing. Today has been long enough.

“What did you damage? I will fix it.” Jaemin’s hand dropped to his side.

Jeno suppressed a sigh, “It doesn’t matter.”

“I must fix it,” Jaemin insisted. “Crying is a human sign of distress. I have to ease it.”

Jeno choked a laugh. Can a cyborg fix what only a human can? He held his arms out to Jaemin half-mockingly. “Do your thing then. Hug me like you mean it. That’s how you get them to feel better.” His breath whooshed out of him when Jaemin lunged forward, abnormally fast, wrapping Jeno up in his unnaturally strong arms. Jeno put his arms around his waist, hugging a collection of metal parts and trying to hold himself together.

The weight of the world was impossibly heavy without someone at his side.

/

The morning light hit him first. Jeno squinted, turning on his side on the couch where he had fallen asleep lethargically. Sunlight streamed through the floor-to-ceiling windows, unencumbered by buildings and powering up every appliance. He groaned and stretched, stiff from the foetal position he curled up in all night. The door to Jaemin’s room was still closed.

Jeno pottered around the kitchen, making a himself an enormous mug of coffee. He normally wasn’t a fan, but it was the closest to downing a bottle of soju before he meets Doyoung later in the morning.

“Are you going somewhere?” Jaemin’s voice resounded from behind him as he was fighting to pull on his jeans. Upper Tier fashion was impractical and had far more details than necessary. It was the worst kind of clothing to get anything done in and that was exactly why only Upper Tiers wore it. Jeno hated them with a passion.

“Yes, I’ll be back before dinner,” Jeno answered distractedly, trying to figure out which buckle goes where. Jaemin came over from where he was standing at the door to Jeno’s room, smoothly sliding them into the right places.

“Thanks,” Jeno exhaled in relief, turning around. Jaemin was staring at him, his placid gaze unusually intense, searching his expression for the slightest crack.

“How do you feel today?” he asked robotically. He sounded like their apartment’s in-built AI.

Jeno shrugged noncommittally, moving past him, “I’m good,” he replied easily.

No, he wasn’t. He still felt battered and he had slept fitfully but Jeno was good at compartmentalizing. Nothing good would come out of letting the cloud of gloom hover over him, it was only going to slow him down. 

Jeno grunted when Jaemin tackled him, wrapping him in a painful hug. “You are still showing signs of distress.” Jeno patted his back and pried him off gently, it was like being hugged by a pillar. “Thank you.” Jaemin nodded, apparently satisfied that he could see Jeno smiling.

He let the smile drop when he left the apartment. Now that there was no one to wear a mask around, Jeno didn’t have to play the part of the overly cheerful fool anymore and go back to being the asshole he truly was. The lift took him down, opening into the lobby and he pulled himself together long enough to smile at the concierge, the only people he felt any warmth for in this neighbourhood. They were Lower Tiers like him after all, even if they didn’t know it.

Cheongdam was the most ridiculous neighbourhood he ever stepped foot in. He thought the area around the InterContinental was bad, Cheongdam was on a whole different scale. The wide roads were speeding with Stingrays, streets were dotted (dotted! Not stacked together!) with individual buildings that were about five storeys tall at the most, each building devoted to a single shop. With the sleek lines of each building’s architecture, the street resembled an art exhibit rather than an actual neighbourhood. Even the word neighbourhood doesn’t do it justice, it was too drab a word for a place that looked like this.

A sickening wave of envy and bitter resentment washed over him when he recalled the cramped accommodations of Sanggye, where people fought each other for a space in Seoul. His expression, normally dour when no one was around, twisted into an icy scowl that wasn’t entirely out of place for an Upper Tier. The Boardwalker he was on slowed down as he checked the appointment place again. It was supposed to be close enough to their apartment that he could have taken an Aeri lift, but Jeno wanted to scout around the area. Old habits die hard and Jeno’s training demanded that he know the terrain like the back of his hand while his partner was completely out of commission.

Someone tittered as they sailed past him standing in the middle of the street awkwardly, Jeno looked up long enough to throw them a look of such freezing contempt that their sneers dropped away. He started moving again, not wanting to stand out too much by looking like he didn’t know where he was supposed to be. Overwhelming, baseless confidence was a key trait of the Upper Levels.

The Cloud was a restaurant located on the 101st floor of a building that housed electrotherapy clinics and gene counsellors, the sole skyscraper in Cheongdam. The shiny white walls of the building blinked with shifting images from the aesthetics branch of Nova Medicals, promising flawless skin and bodies. Jeno spared it a brief glance, fleetingly noting that Jisung must be filthy rich considering how there seemed to be one branch of Nova Medicals in almost every building.

He stepped into the lift, going upwards to the kind of restaurants Jeno only ever entered through the staff entrance. His expression melted into a pleasant smile the moment he exited the lift, widening when he caught sight of Doyoung as the maître d' lead him over. “You chose a nice place for us to have an update,” Jeno commented as he sat down, shaking his hair out of his eyes when a light breeze blew, fresh and clear.

Doyoung waved his hand, “Oh, it’s nothing. I thought that you might want to try it since you probably couldn’t afford this before.” The smile on Jeno’s face cracked slightly. He knew that Doyoung didn’t mean anything by it, but it was so typical of Upper Tiers to have no grasp of the nuances of human interaction beyond their own Levels. “Go on,” Doyoung encouraged, “Order whatever you like, it’s on me.” He looked so genuinely happy to see Jeno that Jeno couldn’t find it in him to hold onto his annoyance longer.

“So how are you?” Doyoung asked as soon as they placed their orders. Jeno didn’t have a clue what anything on the menu meant so he randomly pointed at one, hoping that it wouldn’t be too weird.

It was the second time that he was asked that within one morning and neither of them were from people he could answer truthfully, “Park Jisung is a lot more skittish than we realised. I had to switch personas for one that was more introverted and social connections with other students are compromised – ”

Doyoung interrupted him, “Not that, we can talk about it later. I want to know how you’re feeling. Are you settling in alright?”

Jeno squinted at him quizzically, not really knowing what he was getting at. “There has been no problems with our entry into the school and apartment,” he answered, confused. Doyoung was basically his boss, he could not comprehend why his wellbeing would be of any concern to him beyond what was relevant to their mission.

Doyoung looked unsatisfied with his answer but he dropped it. “How’s Jaemin? Why didn’t you bring him?”

Finally, something Jeno could answer properly. “It’s been less than two weeks since we introduced Jaemin to human society and removed all stimulus of the base,” Jeno said smoothly, “I did not want your presence to derail the progress.”

“Has there been progress?” Doyoung picked up the drink the waiter put down in front of him, a frothy green concoction with sparkling jelly that bounced inside like crystal balls.

Jeno shook his head, accepting his own cup of water with a thanks. “Not much. He’s not forthcoming with his words and when he does, it’s much too blunt to be comfortable for the average human.”

“How are you going to gauge his progress?” Doyoung swiped up the whipped cream with his straw, round eyes watching Jeno intently.

Jeno hesitated for a split second, “I have a list of characteristics that I’m keeping an eye out for. Ability to pick up on non-verbal cues, empathy, non-violent conflict management and communication. Fulfilment of these criteria should help in future espionage or team missions.” Jeno left out the part where he fully planned on going further and get Jaemin to learn how to feel and make personal choices. It wasn’t something that they would want in their soldier. 

Doyoung nodded, “That’s a good idea. I’ll report that to Johnny.”

“Why don’t I send biweekly reports?” Jeno suggested, “That way you don’t have to put aside time to meet me. You wouldn’t be able to see Jaemin in person for a while, so there isn’t a need for you to stay away from base.”

“God, no,” Doyoung rejected the idea quickly, “I’m sick of that place. In any case I think you would prefer to report to me than to Johnny directly.” That was true, but Jeno wasn’t going to mention that. “You said that you’re going to change your personas, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Jeno eyed his order as it was laid in front of him. It was something called Eggs Benedict and oh wow, it smelled amazing. “The files were right, somewhat. Jisung is shy and he has the human equivalent of a guard dog with him. We managed to hit off by pretending the same.” Doyoung seemed satisfied with that. He turned the conversation to mundane topics, much to Jeno’s confusion because he was expecting a thorough interrogation. Doyoung meant it when he said that he wanted to check up on them.

Still, he’s not going to complain if Doyoung wasn’t going to question him further. The less he had to talk to people, the better. People are just so tiresome.

The eggs were as good as they smelled. Jeno took one bite and almost scooped the whole egg into his mouth if it weren’t for Doyoung meticulously cutting his pancakes into bite-sized pieces, reminding him of who he was supposed to be. He shoved his hair away from his face irritably when the breeze blew, the chatter of the other customers carrying in the wind.

Jeno scanned them lazily, mentally cataloguing them based on their dressing. That one with the briefcase is probably a businessman, and that one with the fancy tablet a programmer, and the one with the lanyard a healthcare professional. All Upper Tiers. All decked out head-to-toe in tech and fashion that cost as much as several month’s rent in Sanggye.

At the sight of their perfectly lovely faces, a brief thought about Jaemin crossed his mind. He looked down at the empty plate, feeling a pang of guilt. Jaemin never got to enjoy something like this before. He was probably in his room right now, studying while Jeno sat out here in the sunshine eating fancy eggs named after a fancy person. Does Jaemin even have a favourite food anymore? Or will he go off on a spiel about the importance of a balanced nutrition like the killjoy he is now?

“Thinking about Jaemin?” Doyoung’s voice broke into his thoughts. Jeno glanced up, Doyoung’s eyes were oddly kind as they rested on Jeno. “You always get a certain expression when you’re thinking about him.”

“Not a weird expression I hope,” Jeno chuckled uncomfortably, trying to bypass it.

“Not weird, just a little forlorn,” Doyoung mused thoughtfully, “Like a kid who lost his way.”

Jeno left not long after that, not forgetting to thank Doyoung for the meal. Instead of taking the lift down, he headed for the Aeri lifts, wanting to get back to Jaemin quickly and maybe drag him out of the house.

There was one that was just arriving and he speeded up, stepping up just as someone else did. He bumped into the person, an apology on the tip of his tongue as he turned around and came face to face with his least favourite person in Seoul.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Renjun’s voice dripped mockery.

“What a pleasant surprise,” Jeno replied with just as much irony.

They stared at each other, neither giving the slightest inch. At the same time, they lunged to fit inside the Aeri lift.

“Do you mind?” Renjun bit out, slender body freakishly strong for someone his size as he held his ground.

“There’s someone waiting for me,” Jeno said, perfectly polite, putting all his strength into politely booting Renjun out without looking like he was trying to do so.

“There seems to be another one coming,” Renjun grunted through a smile. Jeno could see him gritting his teeth.

“Perfect, then you wouldn’t have to wait for long,” Jeno batted back, voice amiable, beaming back so widely it resembled a snarl.

The lift door shut, sealing them both in. Jeno’s hand jerked to the touchpad and stopped at the last minute, relinquishing it to Renjun who typed in his destination triumphantly. He cocked his eyebrow as the lift departed, smoothly sailing through the air over Cheongdam, “Decided to give in to me?”

Jeno wanted to wrench the doors open and kick him out. “I don’t want to fight with a friend over something like this,” he placed the slightest emphasis on the word ‘friend’, a mockery and a jab. There was no way that he could key in his address with Renjun in the Aeri lift with him and Jaemin waiting in the apartment. He would have to give this one up.

Renjun rolled his eyes, “I didn’t put you to be the type to have brunch.”

The blood in Jeno’s veins froze. He didn’t recall seeing Renjun at the Cloud and the tables were spaced out enough that there was little chance of people overhearing but if there was even the slightest chance that he saw or heard something Jeno’s entire plan is screwed. “What type do I seem like?” he asked lightly, keeping up the pretense and hoping his voice didn’t tremble, “The kind who woke up at noon?”

“The kind who would make his own meals to avoid other people,” although Renjun’s voice was casual, his eyes were sharp as he watched Jeno. “You don’t seem like a fan of people.”

“Just like Jisung, then,” Jeno leaned against the other wall, meeting Renjun’s gaze coolly, blankly.

Renjun shook his head, “Jisung’s scared of strangers,” they both snorted at that, “You? You’re not scared at all. You just hate people.”

“You’re assuming a lot about a person you know nothing about,” Jeno’s voice was still calm, not betraying the slightest hint. 

“I can make a pretty good guess about the kind of person you are,” Renjun’s eyes travelled over him critically.

Something in Jeno snapped. He finally dropped his smile. “You know nothing.” Jeno didn’t raise his voice or say anything else, he didn’t have to. The hardness of his voice was enough to tell Renjun that he crossed a line.

The Aeri lift slid into its station at Renjun’s destination, the 93rd level of a boutique. Jeno stalked out as soon as the doors opened, heading for the lifts and going straight down. When he exited the building he didn’t even bother getting onto his Boardwalker, too angry to stay still.

This was exactly why Jeno didn’t like people. Lower Tiers, Upper Tiers, they were all the same. One would cut your throat and the other would cut you up for fun. Whether he was from the Lower Level or Upper Level, nothing changed. There was always another level. He stopped long enough to check for directions to get back before setting off again, casting a hateful eye at the plethora of baubles through the shop windows, just one of the millions of toys for the Upper Tiers.

“Jeno?” Jaemin’s voice rang from his bedroom when Jeno came in, stomping just a tad too loudly. Jaemin emerged into the living room, clad in a black tracksuit. His eyes bored into Jeno’s, “You appear significantly more distressed since you left this morning. Is there an issue?”

At the sight of his pretty face, stoic as he waited patiently for Jeno’s reply, Jeno deflated, some of the anger leaving him. “It’s nothing,” he pinched the bridge of his nose, sick of saying that. Jeno reached forward out of habit, interlacing his fingers with Jaemin. He didn’t realise when it had stopped being something he had to remind himself to do and became something that he wanted to do. “Did I interrupt you studying?”

“You did not. I was waiting for you to return.”

Jeno’s lips quirked at the mental image of Jaemin sitting at his desk, hand folded in his lap and back straight while Jeno was out getting into fights with blonde bitches. “Let’s go out. I haven’t brought you around the area yet.”

“Where will we be going?” Jaemin was lifting his Blinker, dragging Jeno’s hand along, presumably to check for directions.

“It doesn’t matter,” Jeno pulled him forward, “We’re just going for a walk around. We don’t need to have a specific destination.” Jaemin stared, the algorithm whirring and he nodded.

Jeno didn’t relinquish his grip on Jaemin’s hand as they took the lift down, rubbing circles into Jaemin’s knuckles to ground himself, remind himself of his purpose. The motion of it was oddly affectionate, calming him down. “Do you remember this?” Jeno asked abruptly when they emerged onto the street and got onto their Boardwalkers, “The two of us walking around a neighbourhood in the day.”

Jaemin nodded, “Yes. There was a little girl who came with us often.” A faint puzzlement crossed his features, “I kissed her on the cheeks a lot.”

Jeno hummed, “That you did. You were basically their mother.” The cold winter sunlight streamed down on them, yellow and bright. Jaemin’s hair glinted, a contrast to the dark void that were his eyes as he waited for Jeno to continue. “You gave them your food pretty often even if you were hungry because they were ‘still growing’,” Jeno snorted, “As though you were any different.”

“Why would I do that?” It wasn’t aggressive, Jaemin genuinely couldn’t comprehend why he would give food that he needed to someone else.

“It’s just your thing, I guess,” Jeno tugged Jaemin closer as a Stingray whizzed past. He took a moment to swear after it under his breath. Damn Upper Tiers. “I never bothered to but you were so stupid that I ended up sharing my food with you because you might have starved to death.”

“You would have gone hungry.” 

Jeno shrugged. “It was alright. I didn’t share my food with anyone else so it was okay.”

Jaemin thought it over. “Was it because I was your friend?”

“Yep. My one and only.”

/

Jaemin watched Jisung.

Jisung stared at Renjun anxiously.

Renjun glared at Jeno.

Jeno looked down at his tablet and ignored them all.

A thick, oppressive silence enveloped the meeting room they met up in to work on their project. Honestly, Renjun has absolutely no business to be staring at Jeno through narrowed eyes now. Not after how he was such a bastard the last time they met.

He and Renjun managed to keep their hostility off the radar of the other two during their shared classes at the beginning of the week by placing the two in between them. To his amusement, Jisung seemed to have taken Jaemin under his wing, talking to him as though teaching a toddler to walk for the first time.

Jeno has truly never experienced what a delight it is to watch two socially awkward souls learn how to talk. Jisung went out of his way to include Jaemin in conversations, persevering much longer than Lucas was able to no matter his replies. Jeno applauded his persistence.

Renjun was another story.

If Jisung was a children’s book, easy to read and pleasant, Renjun was a dictionary.

Small, irritating, and atrociously incomprehensible.

He managed to hold his tongue for a grand total of two lectures and Jeno discovered new heights of patience after the third consecutive day of barely concealed barbs. It took everything in him not to respond to the verbal assault, especially on the occasions when it was directed to an unsuspecting Jaemin who, to his credit, was so typically bland that Renjun soon gave up.

“Jisung, what do you think of this part here?” Jeno broke the silence, determinedly pretending not to notice the tension.

Jisung leaned over, Jeno turned his tablet to him and showed the corrected version of the section they were working on. He exhaled minutely, rubbing his temples. It was a long week and Jeno was still trying to get used to the brain work. Jisung clearly felt the same because he dropped his head, resting his chin on Jeno’s arm as he scrolled Jeno’s tablet with a long finger.

This was apparently too much for Renjun. He stood up abruptly and stalked over, stopping in front of them and looking down with as much intimidation as his five foot five frame would allow. Jeno glanced up lazily, making sure that his gaze showed exactly how unimpressed he was even while he smiled, the faux innocent one Jeno knew Renjun hated. “Jeno,” Renjun attempted to smile back, eyes shooting daggers, “Shall we get some snacks? It seems like everyone is tired.”

Keeping eye contact, Jeno turned his head so that it lay on top of Jisung’s, prompting a giggle and a muffled protest, “I’m so tired,” he whined obnoxiously, “Could you get them for us? I want honey butter chips.”

“I can’t possibly carry snacks and dinner for everyone,” Renjun forced an overly bright laugh.

“But Jisungie here is soooo comfortable,” Jeno nuzzled his face into Jisung’s soft hair, speaking with the most irritating aegyo he knew how to, courtesy of Jaemin 1.0.

“You’re surprisingly cute sometimes,” Jisung chuckled. Jeno grinned at him, momentarily forgetting Renjun at the truly adorable sight of Jisung’s face squashed against his arm.

Renjun looked close to manhandling Jeno out of his chair. In the end, he relented, taking his time getting off the chair and stretching, ruffling Jisung’s hair as he did. Renjun was definitely going to give him A Talk and Jeno was going to take out his aggression by being as annoying as he could.

“What are you trying to do?” Renjun growled the second they left the building to head to the cafeteria.

“That’s what I should be asking,” Jeno answered, indifferent. He too had dropped all pretense of friendliness.

“Who the hell are you?” Renjun demanded, “You act like an angel in front of everyone but that’s bullshit and I know it.”

Jeno considered his options. There was no way to continue fooling Renjun, the other was too stubborn to give up on his conviction that Jeno was bad news. The only thing he could do was to make sure that the rest of them was on his side. “The nicest person can be an asshole to someone who’s being the same back,” Jeno looked him up and down meaningfully, “You’ve been an asshole from the first moment we met.”

Renjun faltered. “I don’t like fake people like you,” he gathered himself again.

Jeno entered the convenience store, stacking boxes of dosirak and triangle kimbab in his arms. “I suppose you’re honest to everyone you meet then.”

“That’s how it should be,” Renjun said immediately, stepping out of the targeted question.

“You’re a lot more naïve than you seem,” Jeno picked up a packet of iced chocolate for Jisung. “No one’s perfect, everyone’s going to pick and show their best parts.”

“And that’s why people are shit,” Renjun snapped, picking the items off the pile in Jeno’s arms and checking them out at the automated station. “They’re all snakes.” Jeno silently agreed. “You haven’t answered me, what are you trying to do with Jisung?”

Jeno looked at him and for a moment he saw past the bitchiness for what he was, childhood friends with the son of one of Korea’s wealthiest families, too trusting and sweet in the pit of snakes. Renjun was simply doing what he thought was right, by keeping away sycophants who might take advantage of Jisung’s nature. Jeno and Jaemin came in too hard, too soon, for Renjun to not be suspicious.

For a moment, Renjun reminded Jeno of himself. Except that Jaemin didn’t have the protection of money like Jisung did and had his sweetness stamped out of him.

Jeno suddenly felt very tired, “Is it that hard to believe that we just want to be friends?” Renjun opened his mouth but Jeno beat him to it, “Look, hate me all you want. I don’t care. You do you. But don’t take it out on Jaemin. He’s done nothing wrong.” With that, he walked off before Renjun could respond.

They ate their dinner quietly. Except for Jaemin, the rest of them had had enough for the day and couldn’t summon the energy to do anymore. Jeno’s Blinker flashed with a message. It was just a single word.

_Drinks?_

Jeno arched his eyebrow at Renjun across the room. He cocked his eyebrow back. It didn’t seem challenging, but it didn’t seem like a complete peace offering either. Jeno truly had no idea what Renjun was trying to do, his mind switched tabs faster than Jaemin did on his tablet.

Jeno took a second to heave a long, drawn-out sigh, shaking his head when Jisung looked over in concern. Renjun was like one of those small dogs that held onto chew toys as though their lives depended on it and Jeno was now the unfortunate target. He nodded imperceptibly when Jisung went back to his food. The idiomatic rooftop fight was long overdue.

/

“I’ll have a Scotch,” Renjun handed the menu to the bartender.

“Make that two, please,” Jeno smiled.

“I didn’t take you to be the type to drink that,” Renjun commented.

Jeno leaned back in his seat, casting a gaze around the place, “There’s plenty of things you don’t know, but what’s new?” Renjun’s lips pressed into a flat line. Bar Lupin had the kind of atmosphere he liked best. It was dimly lit, the only light coming from beneath the counters and tables which cast shadows on the faces of the customers. They were seated at the end of the bar, away from everyone for privacy.

They were silent as they waited for their drinks to arrive. It was only after Renjun took a long swallow of his whiskey that he spoke, “You like Jaemin, don’t you?”

Shock hit him like a bolt of thunder. It took him every ounce of self-control not to react physically while his mind raced through every single situation where Renjun could have gotten that from. He was careful to keep his attention on Jisung so far, making it out as though Jisung was the person he felt the most connection with from their orientation group and keeping Jaemin at arm’s length. Unless…Renjun was at the Cloud and overheard the tail end of Doyoung’s sentence? A cold feeling gripped his heart. There were no cameras for him to check, not in a place like that, but Jeno was sure that Renjun wasn’t there. “You really do love making assumptions, don’t you?” Jeno spoke in a careful, measured tone.

Renjun signalled for another drink. He didn’t look annoyed yet, which told Jeno that he had decided to reign in his temper and was dead set on clawing an answer out of Jeno. It didn’t bode well for Jeno. “You’re subtle, I’ll give you that. Probably no one else noticed. Maybe Chenle but definitely not Jaemin.”

“Yes, pray tell,” Jeno’s voiced dripped sarcasm, “Because I certainly didn’t notice either.”

“You always have an eye on Jaemin. Always. No matter what you’re doing your eyes keep going to Jaemin. Even if it’s something as minor as nudging him to eat or remembering his dietary restrictions, I can tell that you’re watching him out of your periphery all the time.” Well, yes, he’s right, because cyborg or not Jeno didn’t trust Jaemin to take care of himself. Jaemin is and always will remain an idiot to Jeno.

Jeno scoffed, not bothering to hide his contempt. “You’re basing this off some _looks_ that I gave him?”

Renjun narrowed his eyes, “I saw you at the Cloud. I heard what that man said about you and Jaemin.”

Jeno scrunched his face, signalling for a refill too. “You were there? I didn’t see you that day.” It was an offhanded question, casual like a regular conversation. It showed nothing of the devastating alarm that was rising in Jeno. There was no way he could have heard, Jeno was positive of that. The tables were spaced out and if Jeno couldn’t hear anyone else, they couldn’t have heard him either. The only way Renjun could have heard him was if he walked by. So how did he manage to overhear? And how much did he hear?

“I didn’t. I almost went in but I saw you and left immediately,” Renjun replied without an ounce of shame, “And then of course, you left as soon as I did. I could have gotten my Saturday brunch if I stayed.”

Some of the panic subsided. Renjun hadn’t heard everything then, just the end of their conversation probably. Something niggled at Jeno, but it was gone before he could catch hold of it. “You missed out. Their Eggs Benedict are _divine_.”

“I know,” Renjun groaned. For a moment they were united in shared longing. Renjun shook himself out of it first. “I won’t force you to talk about Jaemin. I’m not that evil,” Jeno tried not to snort, “All I’m saying is that it’s obvious that you have a thing for Jaemin, not Jisung, even if you act otherwise.”

“What’s your point?” Jeno threw his drink back, signalling for the third one. He was drinking much too fast, he had to if he was going to have to deal with this conversation. He had to if he was going to deal with Renjun. That guy was a walking migraine. Renjun nodded for another too. There was an undercurrent of tension, an unspoken mutual challenge to outdrink each other.

“Don’t lead Jisung on,” Renjun said coldly, “Not when you have someone else in mind.”

“For fuck’s sake, I told you he’s just a friend!” Jeno spat, losing his temper. “And in any case, since you’re _his_ friend you should know that the same goes for him.”

“Then why do you keep flirting with him?” Renjun snarled back, fingers tight around his glass.

“It’s not my problem that you interpret it that way!”

“You do! Look at you now, this is how you’re like.” Renjun slammed his glass down, gesturing at Jeno aggressively with his other hand. “Bad-tempered, anti-social, no filter,” Renjun listed out his lovely qualities with way too much enthusiasm, steamrolling on before Jeno could interrupt. “If you’re serious about making friends, start by not acting like an entirely different person around them.”

They glared at each other furiously. Renjun suddenly quirked his eyebrow, “See what I mean? You’re an asshole, like me.”

There was a pause, and they snorted, breaking into muffled laughter.

“You’re horrible,” Jeno shook his head.

“I could say the same for you, bitch,” Renjun retaliated with significantly less heat than before.

There was silence for a while as they calmed themselves down. “I’m not going to try and understand why you’re so insistent on that ridiculous persona. You do you,” Renjun parroted his words back to him, “But if you’re doing it to mess with Jisung – or us, I will find out and I will cut you.”

Jeno put his drink down, clenching his fingers around it. “Like I said, people want to show their best parts to the world,” Jeno said evenly, “You can’t possibly expect me to be comfortable showing everything of myself to people I just met.”

“You must have had a hard time making friends,” Renjun rested his chin in his hand, gazing at the racks of alcohol behind the bar.

“The absolute worst,” Jeno agreed. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t for the reason that Renjun was thinking of either. Jeno simply didn’t like people, not just opening up to them. “Plus, it’s not easy to make friends when people always expect something from you.”

There was a hint of sympathy in his eyes when he stole a glance at Jeno. Jeno could tell that he knew exactly what he meant. “Whatever. Do what you want,” Renjun sounded sullen rather than belligerent. On Renjun, that meant that he was conceding, “But drop that act with me, it’s disgusting,” Renjun paused, “And stop cuddling Jisung so much.”

“It almost sounds like you’re jealous,” Jeno took a sip of his drink. He was starting to feel a little woozy, the edges of his vision blurring out a little. It was the most relaxed he has been for a long time, either because of the alcohol or the relief about the entire situation. Renjun hadn’t heard the important bits and this was as close to a truce as he can get. Not a bad night, all things considered.

Unexpectedly, Renjun laughed aloud at that. “Me? You definitely have the wrong guy.” Seeing Jeno’s diminishing drink, he snatched up his and gulped it down. They locked eyes. Simultaneously, they signalled for the next one.

Jeno smirked, finding a newfound solidarity at the fierce grin he received back.

/

“What happened to you?” Chenle’s voice was disapproving as he stood over Renjun with folded arms. Renjun was slumped in his seat, his head pillowed in his arms as he dozed on the table of the bar.

Jeno was not faring any better. He felt like he was going to hurl at any moment. Jaemin’s hand was cool on his feverish neck, pressing to his heated cheeks. “You are very warm,” his low voice noted, “Are you having a fever?”

“He’s just drunk,” Chenle scoffed, poking Renjun’s head with a finger, the other guy groaning as he did, “I don’t know what they did but knowing Renjun, it’s probably got to do with his dumb pride.”

Chenle sighed, dragging Renjun to his feet and slinging an arm around his neck. Jeno felt himself lifted off the chair as Jaemin gathered him in his arms. He murmured incomprehensibly, not really knowing what he was trying to say as he buried his face into Jaemin’s chest, listening to the steady thumping of his artificial heart below.

“How do I treat him?” Jaemin’s voice was a rumble against his ear.

“Make sure that he stays hydrated,” Jeno heard Chenle saying distantly, “And keep him laying on his side so he doesn’t choke on his own vomit.”

“I will do that, thank you,” Jaemin said. There was some shuffling and Chenle cursed as Renjun slipped from his grasp, hitting the bar with a loud thunk. “Do you need assistance?”

“It’s fine,” Chenle dragged him up with a huff, “God, he’s a fat ass. I think you’re even heavier than Jisung.” Jeno laughed from where he was nestled in Jaemin’s arms, regretting it quickly when a wave of nausea hit. The swaying motion of Jaemin’s arms as he walked out of the bar was soothing and Jeno felt his eyes slipping close. It took him a moment before he registered that Jaemin was saying something, “Why did you drink past your limit?”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled, “I didn’t want to lose to Renjun.” When there was silence, he continued, murmuring softly, “I guess I wanted to forget for a little while.”

“What were you trying to forget?” Jaemin hefted him up as he keyed the address of their apartment into the Aeri lift.

Jeno shifted, his head rolling back to stare up at Jaemin. His electric blue hair was almost green under the flashing neon lights of billboards that stretched over the buildings. Jaemin watched him, the perfect face with the delicate features carved by an artist’s hands still and distant, framed by the glittering night sky that he was now a part of.

“Sometimes I wish I could, but I won’t,” Jeno whispered. High above the streets, the Aeri lift floated serenely, suspending two boys in a kaleidoscope bubble. Seoul is a beautiful city who clutches a heart of ice in her manicured fingers as she strides forward forevermore for bigger, better things, erasing the names in the dust under her feet. Jeno will bear the burden of their memories for the both of them for as long as can. “Because as long as there is one last person to remember, Na Jaemin still exists in this world.”

And truly, what does it matter in the grand scheme of everything? They will crumble into dust and so will the stars. Whether it is today, or tomorrow, or a century from now, Lee Jeno and Na Jaemin will not matter, not to Seoul, not to the world, not to the universe. Their meaningless lives will cease to exist and the world will forget. But in this short time that he is granted, for as long as he is able to remember, the name Na Jaemin means something to him.

He won’t let go of Jaemin, not now when he has learnt what it means to have something that matters.

Jeno looks at Jaemin and sees a void. He lifted a hand to cradle the face and almost like a secret thought, the words slip out of him without his volition, “Do you remember me? Even if it’s for a little while, could you remember Lee Jeno?”

Even if it’s for a little while, can the name Lee Jeno mean something to someone?

Will there be one person who remembers him?

There was a buzzing sound in Jeno’s ears. After a few moments, he realised that it wasn’t in his head. It was under his ear, from Jaemin’s artificial heart. He tried to push away the fog of alcohol riddling his brain, the heart was thumping faster than usual and emitting a low hum, the faint sound echoing through the semi-metallic interior of his insides. “Jaemin?”

Jaemin’s eyes were flickering wildly, shattering stars in a night sky. He didn’t answer for a few long moments. “I won’t,” his voice was strained, almost garbled, “I won’t forget. I’ll remember what you are to me, Jeno.” He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. The Aeri lift docked into their apartment and Jaemin stumbled out, collapsing onto the couch with Jeno.

Jeno scrambled up, head spinning as he lay Jaemin on the couch. His eyes were closed and when he put his ear to Jaemin’s chest, the heartbeat had went back to normal. It seems like he had basically fainted. So much for taking care of Jeno.

He snorted, too tired to bother changing or bringing them to their rooms. He dragged himself up on the couch next to Jaemin, curling up to sleep and falling into blessed numbness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay but for real updates will slow down because I really do need to write that damn review. 
> 
> This chapter has my absolute favourite scene. It's been a long time coming, almost 4 years and I didn't expect it to ever leave the caves of my drafts but here it is, a little battered, a little sad and more than a little different. Will we matter? No, we won't. But if we matter to one person in the world, that has to count for something. We would matter for a little while.


	8. Chapter 8

“What do you want, Tinkerbell?” Jeno said without looking up.

Renjun shot him a murderous look, pausing in place before he sat down as though considering driving the knife into Jeno’s eye. “It’s Jisung’s birthday next week,” Renjun said instead, dropping into the seat opposite Jeno. The two of them developed a strange comradeship after that one night where they both humiliated themselves over Scotch in one of the fanciest bars in the city. Jeno wouldn’t go so far as to call it friendship, even if Renjun regularly sought him out for lunch on that one day where Jisung was off having his philosophy class with Jaemin.

Jeno would have went but Jisung had registered for it at the last minute and Jaemin got the last remaining slot. So now he, a being who functions on reason, had to spend every Thursday afternoon listening to people ramble on about ethics and humanity while Jeno tried not to lose his mind reading over the notes to tutor Jaemin after class.

“Cool,” Jeno still didn’t look at him, too focused on trying to type on his tablet with one hand while eating his pasta with another. A strand slipped from the fork, splattering cream sauce on his pink hoodie. He cursed, swiping at it with a napkin. Damn pastels, Jeno sorely missed his funeral attire.

“He’s going to have a birthday party,” Renjun continued, cutting into his usual steak with far more grace. Not for the first time, Jeno was tempted to ask why he was so tiny for a person who ate half a cow each week.

“Sounds like fun,” he said, pointedly looking at Renjun, “More social interaction for you.”

“Not really,” Renjun popped a bloody piece of meat into his mouth. Jeno wrinkled his nose in disgust, Upper Tiers had such strange taste in food. “It’s a pretty small party, just for people he knows.”

“That’s not a party, that’s a dinner,” Jeno said dryly.

“Tell that to Jisung,” Renjun heaved a long-suffering sigh. The two of them shared an amused smile, looking away just as quickly and schooling their faces into mutual disdain. “Anyway, he told me to tell you and Jaemin to come,” Renjun said quickly, as though hoping Jeno wouldn’t catch it. Jeno didn’t get a chance to say anything further before Renjun was changing the subject, “What’s that you’re writing?”

Jeno shook his head, letting it go and making a mental note to hunt for a present. He had more pressing matters right now. Like this damn essay. “Jaemin’s homework. ‘What are holes’, are you fucking serious.” Jeno caught him just as he was about to submit a single line, ‘a hollow place in a solid body or surface’.

Renjun had the audacity to laugh. Loudly. “This is exactly why neither Chenle nor I bothered.”

Jeno wouldn’t have bothered too, but short of stalking him home every day, they wanted to follow him around as much as they could. “Jaemin has as much creativity as a door handle. He’ll fail if I don’t do something.”

“See? Whipped.” Renjun sniffed haughtily.

Jeno cocked his head, abandoning the essay for a moment to pick up the challenge. He smirked crookedly, “Like Donghyuck?” Jeno taunted, referring to the guy from their orientation group who had mysteriously and perplexedly developed something of a crush on Renjun. Like Jeno said, Upper Tiers had strange taste.

“Shut the fuck up.” Renjun snapped hotly, the tips of his ears just faintly pink.

“Oooh, someone’s embarrassed,” Jeno sing-songed, pitching his voice extra high for maximum irritation. “I admit, it’s sweet how he follows you around.”

“You mean like you to Jaemin?” Renjun fired back.

Oh, _wow_ , is he going to go there? This bitch. Jeno abandoned his essay, fully fired up to fight now. Before he could say anything, Renjun cut him off, “I’ll text you the details of the party, make sure you get a present or I’ll destroy you.” With that, Renjun hurriedly stood up and left without finishing his steak.

“At least finish your meat, you can’t afford to get any shorter!” Jeno yelled after him, receiving a rude gesture in return. Jeno snorted to himself, Renjun has never been subtle and this was just another thing to add to the mental profile Jeno kept on them. Without Renjun to amuse him any longer, Jeno reluctantly turned back to his essay. By the time he was done, the sauce of his pasta had solidified into an unappetizing lump and the early February sun was starting to set, promising another chilly night. 

_Class just ended. Where are you?_ A message flashed on his Blinker, Jeno twisted his wrist, glancing at it briefly and murmuring a reply back into it. He started to pack up slowly, knowing that Jaemin would take a while to come over.

“Where are we going?” Jaemin asked when Jeno turned away from their usual route, speeding up on his Boardwalker so that he was next to Jeno.

“It’s Jisung’s birthday and he invited us to a party – ”

“A party?” Jaemin cut him off, “What is that?”

Jeno slowed down as they approached a crossing, waiting for the lone Stingray to pass. “It’s a thing people do where they gather to eat and have fun,” Out of habit, Jeno reached over to touch the back of his hand. He didn’t know when he started to get so used to this habit. “There might be people you don’t know there and if it makes you confused just go look for Jisung and me, yeah?”

“And Renjun?” Jaemin’s voice went up slightly in question.

Jeno’s smile fell and he scowled, a refusal on the tip of his tongue. “Yes, him too,” he muttered, trying not to grit his teeth, “Because he’s _your_ friend.”

They, or rather Jeno, decided on going to Cheongdam to shop for his presents. Even before stepping into any store Jeno knew that it was going to be overpriced and ridiculous but as far as he was concerned, it wasn’t his money and Jeno lives his life fuelled by petty spite.

“Okay, Jaemin,” Jeno clasped his hands as he swung in front of Jaemin on his Boardwalker, “I’m going to let you decide on the present.”

The faintest crease appeared between his brows, “I am supposed to follow your orders.”

“That’s right,” Jeno said encouragingly, feeling like he was imitating Madam, “And I think that you should pick out a present for your _friend’s_ birthday.”

“I am afraid that seems like an arduous task. There are thousands of options and I may need a long time to sort through – ”

“Just pick a present,” Jeno snapped, losing his patience quickly. “I’ll give you my opinion on it so you don’t have to worry.”

Jaemin nodded, turning abruptly to enter the store they were standing outside of and passing his Boardwalker to the waiting staff.

Four hours later, Jeno belated realised that Jaemin wasn’t joking at all. How could he? He was a cyborg. Jeno tiredly watched from the couch that he was slumped in in the seventh (?) shop they entered while Jaemin inspected a bag with laser-sharp eyes. Jeno took a long, calming breath – mirroring the staff’s silent one – when Jaemin rejected it again.

“Jaemin,” Jeno called out in a voice of forced sweetness. Jaemin lifted his head and put down the bag, trotting over like a puppy to its owner. Jeno got up from the couch where he was almost fused to, tugging him over to a rack of haute couture by his elbow and pretending to inspect it.

“What’s wrong with that bag?” Jeno asked once he checked that there weren’t any staff around. It wasn’t hard. It seemed like they were trying to avoid them.

“The stitches were not parallel with each other,” Jaemin answered immediately.

Jeno blinked at the jackets blankly. He had seen the bag. There was not a single thing wrong with it. “Do you…does it have to be that perfect?” Jeno asked cautiously, not wanting to scare him off. It’s okay, Jeno chanted to himself, be patient. Jaemin’s learning how to make decisions. Learning curves are steep, it’s completely natural for Jaemin to take an absurdly long time because that’s how the chip works, by making things perfect and –

“Of course,” Jaemin replied without hesitation. “I am choosing a birthday present for my friend. I must do my best and make sure that it is perfect.”

Jeno paused, not expecting the intensity of his answer. Jaemin was looking at him as though the answer was obvious. Perhaps it was. Only three years have passed but Jeno had already gotten so used to this version of Jaemin that he forgot how Jaemin put his whole heart into everything he did, even more so for the people he adores. Was it the chip speaking or Jaemin?

“Okay,” Jeno breathed out, “You’re right. We have to get him a nice one. But if you keep trying to find one that’s perfect you might not end up with anything at all.”

“Why is that?” Jaemin sounded just the slightest rebellious. It must be driving the algorithm crazy having to do anything less than perfect.

“Because the perfect thing doesn’t exist,” Jeno said simply. “Not here, at least. These stuff are handmade, which means that they’re made by humans and even if a human tries their hardest their stitches won’t be as straight as one made by a Retainer.”

“We should go to another shop if that is so,” Jaemin started to leave. Jeno grabbed his arm, stilling him.

“If you get something made by a Retainer, the present you give to Jisung will look just like everyone else’s,” Jeno warned, knowing that he might be about to go a step too far, “Do you want that? Would you want his present to be slightly imperfect, or not personal to him at all?”

Jeno wasn’t surprised by how Jaemin went rigid under his grip. Ever since the night Jeno woke up with a splitting headache and Jaemin malfunctioned for most of the morning (he added salt to Jeno’s coffee and burnt the toast a little), Jeno’s motivation revived itself and he put 200% of his effort into messing with him as much as he can, baby steps be damned. Jeno had waited three years and his patience was long gone.

Jaemin’s eyes were wide, he looked like a cornered rabbit.

“Do you remember when you fixed my book?” Jeno spoke to him in a low voice, holding both his hands and turning Jaemin to face him. As brash as he was he didn’t want to risk damaging Jaemin. “It wasn’t perfect and I was mad at you for it. But because you fixed it with your own hands the book isn’t the same as all the other books anymore. It’s _our_ book now. It’s okay if Jisung’s present isn’t perfect because it’ll be special to him.”

Jeno tightened his hold when Jaemin showed no signs of relaxing, trying to convey as much comfort as he could through his grip. He decided to change his approach, “If we don’t manage to find a present, Jisung will be upset.” It wasn’t entirely an exaggeration, Jeno remembered Jisung in near tears when Renjun almost leapt over the table at him when he made a snide remark under his breath during the week when they were still fighting. Chenle barking at the two of them to get the hell back to their seats didn’t help things either.

Jaemin considered it. Jeno continued to press, “What did our profile say about Jisung?”

This was clearly easier for Jaemin, “Park Jisung, age 20. Shy, earnest, occasionally brave. Easily frightened and emotional. A friend,” Jaemin rattled off the list Jeno went over with him almost nightly in his attempts to teach him how to read people.

“Exactly. So what do you think will happen when he gets upset?”

“He will cry,” Jaemin replied instantly.

Well. That’s a bit drastic. Or maybe not. Jeno spared a moment to say a silent prayer for Jisung’s lost dignity. He tilted his head, “Are we supposed to make our friends cry?”

After a moment, Jaemin shook his head slowly. His face lost some of the tightness, “The stitches are uneven but they are at the bottom of the bag. He might not notice it.”

Jeno heaved a sigh of relief. Thank god. He was about to strangle himself with a silk scarf. They bagged up the gift, the staff looking a little too pleased when they saw them out. Jaemin peered into the sleek paper bag they had bundled the present in, nestled in tissue inside a gift box. Jeno watched him out of the corner of his eye as he reached in and drew a finger along the glossy box like a little kid. Jeno smiled at the mental comparison, “Good job, Jaemin,” he reached over to ruffle his hair.

Jaemin gazed at him blankly. Of course he didn’t register it. He was literally wired to do things perfectly, this was expected of him. “You chose a nice present, I’m sure Jisung will like it.” Perhaps because it was nighttime and the fairy lights of Cheongdam was putting him at ease, or Jeno was mellowing out, his voice came out a lot warmer than it usually was.

Jaemin hesitated, “I would like to think so too.”

Jeno knew, even without looking, that his smile had softened. This cyborg next to him dressed in designer clothes from head to toe, as sleek and beautiful and perfect as any other Upper Tier on the street was holding a paper bag in both his hands carefully, the slightest hint of apprehension in an otherwise indifferent face as he thought about whether his new friend would like the present he chose.

Is this the same Jaemin he knew? There was no way to tell, but Jeno was certain that this one was growing on him.

/

Jeno stood in the middle of his room, chewing his lips as he stared at the email from Doyoung. It’s been more than a month since they were essentially dropped off at school and Johnny had kept his promise and was keeping the contact to the minimum. Aside from his weekly meetings with Doyoung, they were mostly left alone. More importantly, Jeno was able to keep Jaemin as calm and happy as he could a pet cyborg.

Today, it seems like the grace period is running out.

Jeno ran his hand through his hair, tugging at it anxiously. On autopilot, he changed into the clothes that he prepared for Jisung’s party. There was no point thinking about it now. If Johnny was getting antsy, he’s going to find a way to put pressure on Jeno and he wouldn’t know when and how it’ll come until it does. Doyoung’s email was simply to warn him of its coming. Jaemin was dressed and waiting for him at the kitchen, running his hands over the container of seaweed soup.

“Did you get it right?” Jeno asked offhandedly as he reached into the fridge to pluck an apple, munching it aggressively in an attempt to relax himself.

“I have no way to tell until he eats it,” Jaemin sounded a little stressed, which meant that he was about a hundred times more stressed than Jeno. “There are multiple recipes and I calculated the average ratio of each ingredient but it might not be the ratio that he prefers.” The painful shopping experience was clearly wiped from Jeno’s mind when he casually mentioned that Jisung might like having seaweed soup for his birthday that morning.

After the first three went down the sink, Jeno, unable to endure the wastage any further, stepped in and insisted that he keep his attempts for them. There were now at least ten portions of seaweed soup in their fridge.

Jeno squinted at the stacks of containers, resigning himself to a soup diet for the next couple of days at least. “I’m guessing that these are the other recipes you tested?”

“Yes. I considered adjusting the ratios for each of them but there would not have been any space left to store them. Should I have done that?” Jaemin hovered over his shoulder anxiously.

God, no. Please. Jeno closed the fridge door and turned to him. His eyes drifted to the little container resting on their fancy marble counter. “Is that the one where you averaged the ratios?”

“Yes. I ladled out a portion for you to taste. A human’s taste preference varies but there should be a certain range that is preferred.”

Unless that person was Na Jaemin. Jaemin’s taste buds veered so wildly off to the side it fell off the cliff to ungodly extremes. He went over to the bowl sitting next to it and drank it straight without bothering with a spoon.

“How is it?” Jaemin asked, eyes fixed on his face unnervingly.

Jeno considered it. He had it once a long time ago when they lived in the orphanage. It was so long since he had it that he basically forgot the taste. “I like it,” he told Jaemin honestly. Maybe it’s a good thing that it was Jaemin 2.0, not Na Jaemin, making the soup. Jisung would die of salt poisoning at the tender age of 20.

The smallest smile lifted Jaemin’s lips. Jeno’s eyes widened in shock, Jaemin didn’t seem to realise he was doing it. The smile dropped away almost immediately, so quickly Jeno thought that he must have imagined it. His eyes glinted while he packed up the container and they headed to their Stingray waiting for them at their building entranceway.

Jisung lived close to school, in a building so private it was virtually inaccessible by any other entrance except for the one at the bottom. Their Stingray pulled up at the doorway and they alighted, the Stingray whirring away smoothly to the parking lot by itself. By habit, Jeno’s eyes darted around inconspicuously, noting the lack of cameras around the high, spacious space of the lobby. Their shoes squeaked as they walked across the gold-veined marble floors, a chandelier made of long crystal pieces pouring light from above like a waterfall. A uniformed staff ushered them to the lifts tucked away discreetly, scanning his thumbprint and sending them up to the penthouse where Jisung lived with Renjun and Chenle.

Jeno fiddled with the corner of his shirt as the lift shot up smoothly, mind on whatever information he gathered on Jisung over the past month and thinking about how much he could reveal about Jaemin without giving away too much. He doesn’t know what Doyoung told Johnny or he might be able to get away with repeating what he told Doyoung already. Still, Jeno wouldn’t bet on it. He had to take advantage of tonight and dig whatever information he could out of everyone in the vicinity. It shouldn’t be too hard to isolate one of them and ply them with enough alcohol to loosen their tongues. Jisung would likely be the easiest target.

A distinct feeling of unease unfurled in him at the thought. Jisung had been nothing but kind to the two of them and despite what he constantly told himself, Jeno knew that the younger was growing on him. Jaemin certainly did, if tonight was any indication. He looked close to bouncing in place from where he was standing next to Jeno.

Jeno sighed softly, steeling himself. He wasn’t a fan of it but there wasn’t much of a choice. Johnny would get what he wanted and Jeno could only hope to control the fallout as much as he can. 

Renjun opened the door, “Hey, Jaemin,” he smiled, looking over Jaemin’s shoulder and scowling at Jeno. Jeno threw him an equally disgruntled look. Simultaneously, they rolled their eyes and looked away, grinning a little to themselves. Renjun was a brat and Jeno still hated his guts, but there was something comforting about having someone he knew he could be an utter asshole to and have it thrown right back at him.

“Jaemin, Jeno!” Jisung popped up from behind Renjun, “You came!” It almost sounded like he didn’t expect them to. Jeno raised an eyebrow at Renjun who shook his head imperceptibly. Jeno frowned, he couldn’t understand why anyone would stand up someone as sweet as Jisung.

Jaemin held the two bags out to Jisung. Unlike earlier, his face had returned to its usual impassiveness. “Happy birthday. I chose this present and Jeno helped. I am sorry that it is not perfect, but I did not want you to cry if you did not get one.”

Jisung blinked rapidly. Chenle, having the unearthly hearing for anything that could embarrass Jisung, burst into laughter as he passed, almost dropping a bag of chocolates. “Stop laughing!” Jisung yelled, “And stop eating, those are mine!” He turned back to take the two bags, “Thanks, is this seaweed soup?”

Jaemin seemed to tense, “I apologise, it might not be to your taste as this is the first time I have attempted so.” Whatever he was going to say next was lost when Jisung enveloped him into a hug, stepping back quickly.

“I’ve never had a friend make seaweed soup for me,” Jisung said shyly, smiling so much his eyes disappeared.

“We made you that last year – ” Renjun retorted half-heartedly only to be cut off by Chenle who drifted over in curiosity. “That one doesn’t count, it was awful.”

Jeno watched as Jisung left to head to the kitchen, Jaemin trailing after him, still going on about the soup. “You really like him, don’t you?” Renjun’s irritating voice broke in. Jeno turned to him sharply but Chenle had gone after them. It was just him and Renjun.

“Like you to Donghyuck?” he mocked, throwing Renjun’s exact words back to him.

“Oh, fuck you,” Renjun said irritably, turning around and abandoned him right then and there, not forgetting to aim a vicious kick at his shin that he dodged.

“Not until you can see eye to eye with me, pixie!” Jeno couldn’t resist adding before leaving the entranceway to get himself a drink from the massive table.

There were more people than Jeno expected scattered around the place, contrary to what Renjun said. All Upper Tiers, if their dressing were any indication, none of which seemed like Jisung’s usual crowd. He leaned against the table, watching them with narrowed eyes and trying to select a victim. “Jeno!” Chenle called out, approaching him. Jeno quickly smoothed his expression into a pleasant smile. “Let’s cut the cake.”

Jeno glanced back to the crowd in surprise, “Without them?”

Chenle shook his head, “Jisung doesn’t like a crowd.”

“Why are they here then?” Jeno asked, following him through the massive penthouse. There were more and more people as they walked, draped over the couches, leaning against the pristine walls, talking by the glass partitions that opened to a patio with a neon-blue pool.

“For business,” Chenle answered briefly.

“I didn’t know Jisung did any business,” Jeno tried to laugh, hyperalert for more information.

Chenle pinned him with a sharp look, far more serious than anything he had ever looked at Jeno with. After a moment, he relented, “Jisung’s dad owns a big medical company. I’m not sure if you have heard about it.”

“Jisung never mentioned anything, so nope,” Jeno shrugged, feigning ignorance.

“His dad and my dad’s companies collaborate and well,” Chenle mimicked him, shrugging self-consciously, “People are only nice when they want something from you.”

Jeno knew what he meant. “Doesn’t sound like nice friends to make,” he said lightly.

“Not at all,” Chenle took him down a flight of stairs, the wooden steps looking like they were floating from where they were fixed to glass sides. Seriously, this place was fucking massive. Who even has stairs in their homes nowadays? “Jisung’s dumb,” Chenle dissed him without an ounce of guilt, “He takes a while before he figures out people and he usually ends up wrong. That’s why Renjun and I were so careful about you at first,” he said apologetically, “Renjun wouldn’t apologise, so I’ll do that on his behalf. We were unfair to you two.”

Jeno tried to smile back, the guilt was sitting in his stomach like a rock. “Don’t worry about it.” He pretended to think over what Chenle said, “Why is he studying engineering then?” Jeno wondered aloud, hating himself. “It doesn’t seem like it has anything to do with the family business.”

Chenle stiffened. He didn’t answer until they were almost at the end of a corridor, “It’s…related to the company.” Chenle sounded reluctant to say that.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry,” Jeno apologised quickly, backtracking. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.” From experience, Jeno knew that that was exactly what he needed to get the opposite effect.

That seemed to reassure him. Chenle exhaled, “He wants to be part of the research sector to make more medical devices,” Chenle said evasively. Jeno didn’t get a chance to ask any further before Chenle was letting them into a room, changing the subject. “Welcome to the real party.”

Jisung waved excitedly from where he was seated on the floor in front of a massive screen that covered the entire east wall. Renjun was already there, busily sticking candles onto a cake on the table while Jaemin meticulously arranged plates of snacks and cutlery around it.

“Took you long enough,” Jeno was mildly unsettled by how he could tell when Renjun was being mean just for the sake of it.

“Just in time to eat, you mean,” Jeno quipped, grinning when Chenle laughed at that. Jeno took a seat next to Jisung, tugging Jaemin down just as Chenle started to sing without warning, the rest of them joining in hastily and cutting it after.

“Get ready to lose, Park Jisung,” Renjun tried to snarl through a mouthful of cake, the only bite he managed before Chenle had taken over the entire cake for himself. He picked up a controller and switched on a racing game onto the massive screen. “I’ve been waiting for this.”

“That’s what you always say before you lose,” Jisung said cheekily, scrambling to sit next to him.

Chenle handed them two controllers, Jeno declined with a small smile, picking up a bottle of alcohol instead. The guilt was a tight knot in his chest, intensifying as he watched Chenle shriek and hit Renjun for cheating while Jisung tried to get Jaemin to stop pressing the wrong button and pausing everything.

“Hey,” Jeno called out to them after a while, “We should have a drinking game. Take a shot every time you knock into a barrier.”

“I’m going to lose that way,” Jisung whined.

“Then stop being a loser,” Renjun interjected, shoving him purposefully hard and sending his car flying off the road. “Oh, oops.”

Barely an hour later, Jisung was starting to slur his words, just like Jeno knew he would. Jeno himself took a large gulp of his drink, closing his eyes briefly as though he could shut out the world.

Jeno very rarely felt anything about the things he did. His emotional capabilities ranged from spite to amusement, with a special category that he reserved solely for Renjun. Right now, as he waited for them to get more drunk, there was a little voice in his head that sounded like Jaemin guilt tripping him about what he was doing. Like always, Jeno ignored him.

“Alright,” Jeno said firmly when Jisung started tilting to the side from where he was sitting on the floor. “Let’s get you some water.” He walked over before any of them could react, picking up Jisung and slinging his arm around his shoulders. “Do you guys want anything from the kitchen?”

“Don’t we have some water around here?” Chenle mumbled sleepily, head resting on Jaemin’s shoulder. Jaemin looked up at him with big eyes, unable to move for fear of hurting Chenle if his head hits the floor.

“It’s finished,” Jeno replied easily, having drank as much as he could and hidden the rest away. “We’ll be back!” Jeno threw over his shoulder as he led Jisung out of the room.

Jisung’s head lolled onto his shoulder as Jeno dragged them back the way they came from. “Chenle said that you wanted to do research in your dad’s company?” Jeno didn’t bother to be subtle. It’s not like Jisung was in any state to notice.

“Yeah,” Jisung yawned, a lot less cooperative than Jeno needed him to be. He seemed like he was five minutes from falling asleep.

“How is your degree even going to help with that?” Jeno practically lifted him up the stairs, cursing as it twisted up endlessly. Jisung’s foot caught on one of the wooden steps and Jeno stumbled, catching his footing at the last minute. “Weren’t you going to save the world, like Chenle said?”

“I am!” Jisung suddenly perked up, “Wait, no, don’t tell him that. He’ll make fun of me.”

“How are you going to save the world?” Jeno prodded, panting a little under Jisung’s weight as they finally ascended the last steps. “That’s a big dream for Biomec engineering.”

“It’s possible,” Jisung said seriously. He turned in Jeno’s hold, looking at him earnestly. “Look around us, look at all this bullshit.” Jeno startled, he had never heard Jisung swear before. Jisung gestured around at all the people scattered across the room, “Have you wondered why I don’t hang with most people? Well, yeah, it’s because they’re scared of Renjun, but also because I hate their attitude.” Just like that, Jisung wildly swung to another topic. “It’s always about this Level or that Level and they don’t realise that they’re only here because their parents could buy the best gene combination for them!”

Jeno quickly ushered Jisung towards the relative quietness of the kitchen as his voice rose. He was starting to ramble aimlessly. “I don’t get how that’s related to saving the world,” Jeno tried to guide him back.

Jisung pulled free from his grasp, swaying in front of him and holding onto the door of the stainless-steel fridge for support. “Jeno,” he slurred, “What do you think of cyborgs?”

The air seemed to freeze for a moment. “What do you mean?” he said slowly.

Jisung’s eyes were bright, feverish almost. “If a human can put a chip in their brain to make them smarter, it would level the playing field. Levels wouldn’t matter anymore, not if you could get a chip that makes you just as good as the next kid whose parents bought him smart genes.”

Jisung wasn’t making sense. There was a world of meaning to what he just said but none of it was substantial enough for Jeno to grasp the full situation. “Do you mean to say that your company does that?” Jeno’s voice was too sharp as it rang through the kitchen. He was too agitated, he had to calm down. This wasn’t enough, he needed more. Jeno barely held himself from dragging Jisung to a corner and questioning him.

Jisung opened his mouth to answer as Jeno’s Blinker buzzed loudly. He glanced down in surprise, that never happened. Dread washed over him when he saw that there was an incoming call from Johnny. Fuck. Jeno glanced up at Jisung desperately. He was so close. The Blinker buzzed again angrily. Jeno couldn’t wait anymore, if he missed this call Johnny might do something drastic like send Jungwoo to look for them.

“Wait here,” he instructed Jisung, leaving the kitchen and locking himself inside the nearest room. He accepted the call, Johnny’s holographic face hovering above the Blinker.

“What took you so long?” Johnny’s voice was icy even through the speakers.

“I was in the middle of interrogating someone,” Jeno answered just as coldly. “You interrupted me.” There was a burst of cheers from outside the door, Johnny’s gaze sharpened.

“Are you at a party?” He leaned forward, drawing back incredulously, “You’re drunk.”

“I’m not,” Jeno said quickly, “I’m trying to blend in – ”

“What the fuck are you doing there?” Johnny’s voice was so venomous Jeno felt himself flinch involuntarily. “I sent you there to spy and you’re using your time to go partying and drinking?”

“I was in the middle of interrogating Jisung – ”

“I heard from Doyoung,” Johnny cut him off again, “Or rather, whatever I could squeeze out of him. Your past month has essentially been useless. No updates on Jaemin _or_ Jisung.”

Jeno stayed silent, knowing that there was nothing he could do when Johnny was in a rage. “I want updates. Real, actual updates. If I don’t get any I’m pulling you two out and I promise you, Taeyong can’t stop me from sending Jaemin out as a foot soldier this time.” With that, the call ended abruptly, Johnny’s words ringing into the silence he left behind. There was a burning sensation in his eyes as Jeno stared at the wall blankly. The burning feeling spread through him, burning away whatever guilt he felt before and leaving behind something cold and cruel and hard, the person that he was most familiar with.

Jisung was not in the kitchen. Jeno looked around the massive space, hunting for the familiar face. There was a flash of red in his periphery, Jeno turned, seeing Jisung tottering near the stairs. It seemed like he had grown tired of waiting for Jeno and was trying to go back to the room himself. He picked up his pace as he hurried towards the other, determined to shake more answers out of him. The voice which rebelled against it earlier was silent, absent in the face of Jeno’s desperate fury.

“Jisung!” Jeno’s voice was shaking. His hands trembled at his side as he approached. Jisung turned around and upon catching sight of Jeno, he beamed widely, waving at him eagerly. Jeno faltered and in the next second his eyes widened as Jisung swayed on his feet, taking a step back too far and teetering at the edge of the steps.

Without thinking, Jeno gathered his legs under him and leapt for Jisung, every ounce of his training propelling him towards Jisung’s falling body. His arms wrapped around Jisung and they steadied. The relief lasted for a split second before his ankle twisted under him, his foot unbalancing on the too short steps and sending them both down the stairs.

Instinctively, Jeno wrapped himself around Jisung, letting himself fall backwards as Jisung landed on him heavily, a white hot bolt of pain blanking his mind when their combined weight slammed his back against the wood. The two of them slid down the stairs, a different pain exploding on ever part of his body as Jisung bounced off him while they fell and eventually slowed to a stop.

There was the vague sound of screaming. Jisung scrambled off him, eyes wide and terrified. Jeno couldn’t move, he genuinely couldn’t move at all. “Jeno! Oh my god, fuck!” Jeno heard running steps and Renjun’s face appeared above his, followed closely by Chenle.

“Help me get his legs,” Renjun ordered and they manoeuvred him down the stairs, carrying him to a nearby couch. Jeno couldn’t help the low cry of pain when the movement sent sharp flashes of agony through his body with every jostle.

Jaemin was standing frozen next to him, “Jeno?” he whispered, reaching out. His gaze landed on Jeno’s leg and Jisung gagged in the background. Jeno looked down and bile rose up in him when he caught a glimpse of a tent on the pant leg of his shin, blood pooling around it. “Not you too,” Jaemin shook his head, blindly reaching for his hand.

“Where the fuck is the ambulance?” Renjun roared. Jeno breathed slowly through his nose, gripping Jaemin’s hand tightly and trying to focus on anything but the unbearable agony that was his body.

“Jeno?” Jaemin was crouched next to his head on the couch. He was rubbing circles into Jeno’s knuckles with his thumb. Jeno wanted to say something, to reassure him somehow because he didn’t like it when Jaemin looked like this, so frightened and scared. Huh, Jeno thought to himself dazedly, come to think of it Jaemin was displaying a massive amount of emotion in the past ten minutes. He made a mental note to think about this later, preferably when his mind stopped screaming in pain.

“Forget the ambulance,” Jisung’s voice was surprisingly strong. It seemed like he had gotten over his nausea. “Bring him to Nova.”

“Jisung, are you sure?” Chenle’s voice held a hint of uncertainty.

“Get the Aeri lift.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anddd the plot is finally picking up. Expect backstabbing, tears, maybe a few broken bones or hearts, and more questionable decisions from our resident jerk.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update!

Jisung had a personal Aeri lift.

His Aeri lift was big and fancy like his stupid house and it went to the VIP branch of Nova.

The VIP suite, specially reserved for Park Jisung’s immediate family, served Eggs Benedict better than the Cloud.

The cushion under Jeno’s head felt like clouds.

“I wish I could record everything you’re saying now,” Renjun said from where he was sitting next to Jeno. “Would be nice to take you down a peg or two.” There was none of his usual heat and it fell flat. Jeno couldn’t register much of everything. He was wheeled into an operating theatre and when he woke, he was here, in this nice pretty room with the nice smells and the nice eggs. Everything was so soft and he couldn’t feel any pain.

Actually he couldn’t feel much of anything.

“Jeno,” Renjun was leaning over him, eyes serious. The lights from the city outside the window blinked in his eyes. “I need to ask you something and you need to focus.”

“Why are you here, Thumbelina? I don’t want to see your face,” Jeno mumbled, “Where’s Jaemin? And Jisung? And Chenle?”

“Jeno, listen to me!” Renjun’s voice sharpened, “I’m going to get to the point, you broke your spine and a few bones. You have spinal cord injury and the damage to your nerves is bad enough that it paralysed you.”

What? The words floated through his head. Distantly, Jeno knew that if he could just stop feeling so woozy for a moment, he would be able to react to it in a more emotionally healthy way.

Renjun took a deep breath, “The surgery earlier mended your broken bones. It didn’t fix the damage to your nerves. Jisung wanted to go ahead with it but I got him to wait. I think you should get a say in it.”

“A say in what?”

“You have two choices, Jeno,” Renjun said, voice steady despite the worry in his face. Worry for Jeno, he dimly registered in surprise. “The first is that you undergo rehabilitation. We don’t know how the recovery would be like or the outcome of it, it varies from person to person. But you don’t have to worry about how long it takes, all costs would be covered, Jisung will make sure of that.”

“And the second?” Some lucidity was returning to Jeno. He felt oddly calm.

“We rewire your body with EEG.” Renjun ran a hand through his hair nervously, “For the record, this isn’t something just anyone can get. It’s only because of Jisung that you even have this option. Chenle and I weren’t sure about it but,” Renjun hesitated, “It was because of him that you’re like this now. We could understand where he’s coming from.”

It was a bit too much. Jeno turned his attention onto the most pressing one. “What’s EEG?”

“It’s a technology developed by Nova Medicals,” Renjun explained, fists clenching and unclenching on his lap. “Basically, we insert implants into your brain and limbs to transmit the electrical impulses that your nerves can’t.”

“So like. You turn me into a robot.”

“You won’t be a robot!” Renjun snapped, surprisingly angry. “You’ll be able to feel, think, do everything just like everyone else. It’s just an extra wire to help you to move your limbs.”

The implications sank in. Jeno stared at the cream walls opposite his bed while Renjun waited. Despite the haze in his mind Jeno was crystal clear of the weight of what Renjun said. This was it. This was what he was looking for. Johnny wanted evidence that Nova was doing body modifications and Jeno was about to have it literally drilled into him. He didn’t even need to go for the surgery, or to set up a situation for him to pry information out of Jisung, all he had to do was go to Johnny and testify against them and that would be enough to launch a full investigation. Jeno was about to become the loose thread that could unravel the entirety of what Nova was doing in secret.

Renjun didn’t know, but in this moment Jeno had the power to destroy them all.

“What’s your choice, Jeno?”

Jeno didn’t need a trump card now, not when he can have the whole fucking deck. He turned his head slowly, smiling faintly, “Is there even a need to think? I’ll take the second option.”

/

The next time he woke up, it was daytime. Renjun was gone and in his place was Jaemin and Chenle. “Renjun brought Jisung home to shower and eat,” Chenle informed him. He looked tired, already pale skin more pallid than usual. “This one,” he shoved at Jaemin lightly, “refused to leave.”

Jaemin’s eyes were huge, fixed on him worriedly as he leaned forward to hold his hand. Chenle caught the motion, “I’ll…leave you two to it.” He stared at Jaemin in bewilderment, a crafty light dawning in his eyes while he excused himself, leaving them both in the hospital suite.

Compared to the last time, Jeno felt a lot less woozy. There are two very big issues that he had to sort through and scheme and the first one was sitting right there in front of him. He eyed Jaemin, taking note of the faint trembling of his lower lip, the distress in his eyes, not daring to hope.

“Jeno,” his voice was soft, “How do you feel?”

Jeno considered the question, mentally assessing his condition, “I feel okay. Nothing hurts so it’s all good.”

“I was worried.” Jaemin’s sentences came haltingly, “Your leg was bleeding. You broke so many bones. Like me.” Jaemin seemed to wilt, “Are you…are you like me now?”

“No,” Jeno lied easily. He had agreed to Renjun’s request that he keep this a secret. And for good reason too, they were probably well aware that it was illegal. The non-disclosure agreement he signed played a role too. “I’m still Jeno.” His heart stopped when a tiny smile lifted his lips. There it was again. A smile. Jeno watched and this time the smile didn’t disappear.

“Jaemin?” his voice was hoarse. There was something light in him going up, up. It caught in his throat and stayed there, shaky and tentative. “Is that you?”

Jaemin lifted their joined hands, pressing it to his cheek. His eyes were bright, diamonds in a sky. He nodded, the small smile unsure and new, “It is me. I’m Jaemin.”

Something unfurled in him, the tight knot loosening and filling up the gaping crack.

His vision blurred.

/

Seoul at 1 am was a wonderful time to be alone.

It was exactly what Jeno needed right now. After the initial shock had worn off, Jeno pulled himself together to focus and question him, trying to find out the extent of how much of the old Jaemin came back. It wasn’t complete, that Jeno was certain. There was still a stiffness to him, still that robotic coldness, but the fact that he could show even a sliver of emotions was a hundred times better than the Jaemin of the past three years.

Jeno flexed his toes, curling his fingers from where they were nestled against the soft bed. There was still some weakness and the doctor told him that he might need a while to get used to it and a few months of rehabilitation before he could get back to his usual potential. Jeno didn’t mind, anything was better than the feeling of being disjointed from his body.

It has been four days since the party. Four days since Johnny made his move.

His Blinker flashed with the message Johnny left him the night of the party. _One month. I’m pulling Jaemin out at the end of that while you continue with Park Jisung._

Jeno can’t say that he didn’t see this coming, in all honesty. It was basically radio silence on their side with how slow Jaemin was and Jeno’s reluctance to reveal progress, knowing that it would only give Johnny more reason to keep Jaemin as a special ops soldier. But a lack of progress like this only strengthened Johnny’s initial inclination to use Jaemin as a mere foot soldier, convinced as he was that Jaemin was beyond saving.

It was a dead end on both sides. Both scenarios still end with Jaemin’s mind reset. 

The only scenario where could Jaemin to continue existing alongside that cursed algorithm was for him to be sent into early retirement, relearning how to be human.

For four days, Jeno lay in bed and stared at the ceiling, working with the deck that Renjun unknowingly handed him. Four days to come up with a solution. A solution so audacious, risky and utterly despicable that no one aside from Jeno would have the nerve to carry out. 

Jeno sat up in bed, reaching for his Blinker and hobbling over to the window ledge. He adjusted himself so that his back was against the city lights, unbuttoning his shirt and ruffling his hair so that it looked like he was back in his apartment, sitting by the window in his bedroom. Jeno took a deep, slow breath and exhaled.

It wasn’t the best solution. But it was the only solution.

He fiddled with his Blinker and thought about Jisung, and Chenle, and even Renjun. And he thought about Jaemin. Jaemin, who he had wanted back so badly. Jaemin, with that tiny, shaky smile.

There wasn’t much of a choice, not when Jaemin was involved.

Jeno lifted his Blinker. When it started recording, he placed a call. He didn’t have to wait long for it to connect.

“I have a deal.” Jeno said without preamble, voice stony. “Jaemin for the company. Give me Jaemin and I will give you the whole damn company.”

Johnny blinked slowly, snake-like, “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m certain that Nova is involved in body modification technology. If I am able to give you the evidence needed to take down Nova, I want you to release Jaemin and me from your service permanently.” Jeno forced himself not to back down, every fibre of his being wishing that he could stop.

Johnny laughed in his face, mocking and dark, “That was your mission all along, _Agent Jeno_ , you don’t get to make demands.”

“Park Jisung is friends with us.” The words felt like poison in his mouth, “He trusts us. I have a level of access to information that probably no one else has,” Jeno paused, “And I’ll make sure that it stays that way.”

There was a hint of amusement in Johnny’s eyes. “Are you threatening your superior now?”

“It’s a win-win situation,” Jeno echoed Johnny’s words from so long ago, “I’m offering you information that would be enough to legally shut down Nova and acquire their technology. In exchange, you give me your failed prototype.”

Johnny snorted, “After all the money and tech we invested into Jaemin? It would be a waste and Taeyong would be heartbroken.”

“Taeyong has the blueprints for Jaemin,” Jeno pointed out, “With Nova’s technology, there’s no reason that you can’t make another one of Jaemin within a year. I’m pretty sure that Taeyong is already working on one at the moment.”

Johnny narrowed his eyes but didn’t refute it. “How good is this information?”

“I will get enough for you to shut them down for good,” Jeno deflected, “I don’t know the extent of their technology yet. Regardless of that I’m sure Taeyong would find a way to make use of it. It’s not a loss for you to hand off your old prototype for an upgraded one.”

“In that case,” Johnny drew out the syllables, considering. Jeno held his breath. “I’ll be waiting.”

“That’s not good enough.” Through the holographic image, Jeno bored his eyes into Johnny. “I want a promise.”

One end of Johnny’s lips curled up in a smirk. “You’re recording this, aren’t you? You really are a fine agent, Lee Jeno.” When Jeno didn’t answer, he sighed theatrically, “Alright, then. I, Johnny Seo, promise to release from active service Agents Na Jaemin and Lee Jeno upon the receipt of incriminating evidence that is sufficient to stand trial in court for the prosecution of Nova Medicals from Agent Lee Jeno.”

“Not good enough.” Jeno snarled, “What do you mean, release from active service?”

“That’s all you’re getting.” Johnny said, voice frigid. “I can’t release you two entirely when you know this much. Take it or leave it.” Without another word, his holographic image disappeared.

Jeno lowered his trembling arm. The room was silent and empty. Slowly, he put his head into his hands, trying to fight the shaking back and the sense that for the first time in his long, useless life, he had done something absolutely unforgivable.

/

“You don’t have to come,” Jeno tried to say, shutting up immediately as soon as Jisung turned to him, scandalized.

“Of course I do!” Jisung’s hands fluttered nervously about him, finally settling on his arm and pushing his elbow upwards as though that would support Jeno. It only made his arm stick out awkwardly like a chicken. “It’s because of me that you’re like this,” he muttered, looking away.

“Don’t say that,” Jeno’s voice was gentler than he expected. Damn, age is really getting to him. “It was an accident.”

“But if I hadn’t – ”

“Park Jisung, if you keep saying that Jeno’s going to get annoyed with you and I’ll hit you for him because he’s way too nice to do that,” Chenle interrupted him, popping a chocolate biscuit into his mouth.

“Oh, if only he knew,” Renjun spoke his thoughts aloud, sidling up next to him when Jisung abandoned his elbow to fight Chenle for the biscuits. “Still insistent on that angelic act?”

“Why are you here, Chihuahua,” Jeno deadpanned. Having run out of pixie names, Jeno had fully progressed to the stage of naming Renjun after every small, annoying dog to ever exist. It was a great fit anyway. Renjun was a little bitch. 

“Fuck you, I’m here for the Eggs Benedict,” Renjun deadpanned back. He snorted, “Don’t overdo it today, yeah?” He squeezed Jeno’s shoulder, quickly speedwalking to the other set of lifts that would take him to the hospital cafeteria. “At least get some for the sick person!” he yelled after Renjun’s retreating back.

“I will get you the eggs if you like,” Jaemin said from where he was hovering beside Jeno. Ever since he was admitted Jaemin had been silently orbiting him like a satellite, floating in his periphery all the time like a ghost. The last straw came when he exited the shower and almost had a heart attack when he found Jaemin lurking creepily outside the door, listening in to him showering.

Jeno firmly assured him that no, he was not going to slip in the shower. There were anti-slip tiles installed already.

The one good thing about the whole mess was that he didn’t have to meet Doyoung anymore now that he was corresponding with Johnny remotely through a private channel. That meant that no one aside from them would know about his Saturday physical therapy sessions.

“Here, Jeno, have a biscuit,” Jisung all but shoved the chocolate biscuit into his face and immediately smearing chocolate on his nose. “Oh, oops, sorry.”

“Jeno does not like sweet things very much,” Jaemin managed to interject around the biscuit Jisung forced into his mouth earlier. Age (or shock) was getting to Jaemin too, his voice wasn’t as cold as it used to be after the nightmare of a birthday party which basically seemed to have shocked him back into normality.

Chenle snatched the biscuit from Jisung’s hand, popping it into his mouth, disregarding Jeno’s nose grease on it. “I told you, get honey butter chips instead. We’ll wait for you at the cafeteria, okay?” Chenle, bless his heart, could tell that Jeno didn’t want a whole circus watching him while he did whatever they were planning to do today.

“Do you want me to leave too? No, wait,” Jaemin changed his mind, “You might fall.”

Jeno suppressed a sigh.

“Will you be okay?” Jaemin asked him again as he was about to step into the room where he had his PT.

Jeno nodded, smiling a little at the obvious concern. It’s been a long time since he had seen this. The smile faded away as soon as Jaemin left to wait in the lounge down the corridor, replaced with a wider, more appropriate one.

“Jeno!” Minseok greeted him, kind eyes crinkling under bushy eyebrows. “How do you feel today?”

“The usual,” Jeno kept the smile on his face, easy and guileless. “What are we doing today?”

As Minseok ushered him towards the equipment on the other side of the room, Jeno discreetly took a quick scan of the place, hunting for his tablet. He turned his attention back when Minseok started speaking, squashing the frustration from not finding anything again.

An hour later, Jeno stumbled into the cafeteria with Jaemin following close behind, tired, empty-handed and all the more cranky because of that. It wasn’t as bad as it would have been without the EEG but his body still needed some time to adjust to the fact that impulses were coming from a new direction and motions which used to be effortless took more energy than usual now.

Jeno silently mourned for the loss of his three year long training.

The cafeteria was unnecessarily large, as fancy as the rest of the hospital. He collapsed onto the chair next to Renjun, dragging the plate of Eggs Benedict over as Jaemin sat down far more gently. “Who said that was for you?” Renjun said snidely, making no move to take it back.

Jeno ignored him and greedily cut into the yolk, watching it leak over the muffin with no small amount of delight. God, comfort food was the best. Eggs made the world right again. He picked up the muffin, opening his mouth as widely as he can and stuffing it all in at once to get every drop of yolk. Jisung and Chenle were watching him in amusement, Renjun not bothering to hide his disgust. “What?” he demanded, making sure that Renjun could see the entire contents of his mouth.

“It’s the first time we’ve seen you eat like this,” Chenle commented, handing Jeno a tissue with a grin, “You and Jaemin are always so neat and polite.”

“You mean pretentious,” Renjun corrected.

“Like you?” Jeno hunched his shoulders in, mimicking how Renjun sawed at his bloody cuts of meat. Renjun’s little face filled with fury and he made a grab for the plate. Jeno snatched it up with his unwashed hands and shoved it into his mouth, hospital germs be damned.

“Jeno!” Jaemin and Renjun yelled in unison. Chenle burst into laughter and Jisung smacked him on the shoulder, looking faintly concerned, “Stop encouraging him – Jeno maybe you should clean your hands?” he tried.

Yeah, that wasn’t his brightest idea. But he would rather risk food poisoning than let Renjun have the eggs. Everything was a competition between them and Jeno wasn’t going to let up. “Are we meeting for dinner?” Jeno stole Jisung’s glass of iced chocolate, referring to their weekly barbecue dinners.

Renjun snatched it away. “No cold drinks for you.”

“Why not?” Jeno demanded mutinously. Renjun glared back, “You’ll get a stomachache.” It was almost as though Jeno was a girl with PMS.

“Tough meats might not be good after surgery,” Jaemin said, “I will make you something to eat.”

There was an audible intake of breath, Chenle slapped a hand over Jisung’s mouth as though he didn’t make the loudest gasp. Even Renjun looked surprised. “Huh,” Chenle stared at Jaemin in amazement, “I can’t say that I expected that.”

“I know,” Jisung shoved his hand away, “Especially when he’s usually so quiet and – ” Jisung stopped short, probably embarrassed by his lack of tact.

“I guess brushes with death are the best trigger,” Renjun remarked dryly, having none of their reservations. He got up from his seat, “Well, time for you to get lost.” He tugged Jeno up much gentler than his words suggested, ignoring Jisung’s hiss of disapproval at his choice of words. 

“Wait, I want to get some honey butter – ”

Renjun frog-marched him out to the foyer where their Stingray was waiting, Jaemin flanking his side. Jeno had a feeling it was intentional. “Are you going to be okay?” Jisung asked anxiously, “Do you have anyone at home? I’ll stay with you if you don’t.”

“Jeno’s going to end up in the hospital again if you do,” Chenle softened when Jisung visibly deflated. The guilt was still weighing on him it seems.

“That’s okay,” Jeno smiled, wanting to reassure him. He didn’t need more reason to feel like a shitty human being. Jeno had done plenty of nasty stuff and never felt remotely guilty about it. But this was Jisung. And somehow it felt different.

“Do you have someone?” Renjun asked, managing to sound grumpy even with a question like that.

“He has me,” Jaemin spoke up in his newly baby bird voice.

There was a beat of confused silence. “I…uh,” Jeno started awkwardly, “He offered to stay with me. Since he lives alone too.”

“Okay, um, great. Would you, uh,” Jisung was trying very hard to be casual. His eyes were anything but, darting between the two of them. Chenle’s mouth had hung open.

Renjun stepped in, catching sight of the discomfort on Jeno’s face, “Let us know if you need anything.” He grasped both their shoulders and steered them away, almost comically small in comparison, Chenle’s high voice carrying over to them gleefully, “I knew it! I told you, I _told_ you so! I win this one, Park Jisung!”

“It doesn’t count because I know you cheated! And we don’t know for sure yet!”

Jeno watched them go with a sort of resignation, knowing that Renjun would be back for payment in the form of answers. Jaemin placed his hand on his arm, “You should get back,” he said softly.

They were silent throughout the short ride back to their apartment. Jeno leaned his head against the cool glass, a frown between his eyebrows. During the entire hour of his session, Minseok didn’t leave Jeno’s side for a second. It was going to be near impossible to swipe his tablet even if he knew where it was.

Jeno’s fingers drifted to his shirt, fiddling with the hem. He needed to get his hands on the tablet. There would be records of past patients and with Minseok’s clearance, he could hack into Nova’s system remotely and access the records of every single operation that Nova ever conducted, illegal or not. With information like that, Johnny wouldn’t care how underhanded Jeno’s methods were, not when he could shut down Nova. 

“What are you thinking about?” Jaemin asked hesitantly, haltingly. His words dragged out like syrup from a jar, like every word took effort to say. Jeno glanced at him, running his eyes over, assessing. The algorithm was probably trying to hold him back from speaking things that it defined as irrelevant.

“Nothing,” Jeno smiled automatically.

Jaemin stared at him. Jeno was well-versed in Jaemin 2.0’s expressions to know that that was one of displeasure. “You are lying.” Jeno’s eyebrow quirked in surprise, not expecting him to have gotten back the skill to see through his shit.

“Yeah, I am,” he yielded, “But that’s because I don’t want to talk about it.” Jeno thought about his words as they approached their apartment, “People lie because they want to hide something. They do it for a reason, good or bad. You’ll have to make your own call about whether to continue pushing or not in a situation like that.”

“If it is a bad reason, should I continue asking?”

Jeno nodded, “If they’re up to something bad, you’ll have to find out and stop them, okay? Without violence,” he added hastily.

A little later, a freshly washed Jeno sat at the island in their kitchen, watching Jaemin prepare three times the amount of food he needed. “Jaemin,” he said as gently as he could as the plates steadily increased to an alarming amount. “This seems like a lot.”

Jaemin turned around, the soup sloshing to the edges dangerously as he did. “You need proper nutrition after a surgery,” Jaemin reminded him. “I have to make sure that you do so.”

Jeno eyed the food warily. “I can’t finish this much, why don’t you bring some for the others tomorrow?” he said in desperation when Jaemin set the massive pot of soup down.

Jaemin seemed to consider it. “Remember how I told you that you shared food with the kids at the orphanage?” Jeno seized his chance, “And how Jisung always makes sure to take the meat from Renjun and desserts from Chenle to share with you?” A noteworthy feat in Jeno’s opinion, with how the two guarded their food like wolves.

“I should return the favour?”

Jeno got up, pulling out lunchboxes to and ladling as much as he could in before Jaemin changed his mind. “That’s right,” he snuck a soy-sauce braised egg into his mouth. Damn this was good, he’ll keep this one for himself. Renjun can choke on eggshells instead. “Share your food with your friends tomorrow, okay?”

/

“That’s…a sizeable amount,” Jisung, ever the diplomat, commented, taking in the sight of the lunchboxes stacked on the table at their usual meeting room.

“That’s an understatement,” Renjun followed him in, dropping his bag onto the seat furthest away from Jeno. “You could feed a cow with this.”

“Perfect for you then, shorty,” Jeno muttered under his breath. Renjun narrowed his eyes at him, somehow catching that from across the room. “There should be enough for Chenle too, don’t keep them all for yourself, Renjun.”

“I would never,” Renjun hissed, hand darting to the lunchbox and stabbing two soy-sauce braised eggs onto a single chopstick like the barbarian he pretended not to be. He scurried to a corner with the eggs, coming back barely a second later to bring the entire lunchbox over.

Jisung excused himself to collect Chenle who managed to lose himself in the building, leaving the three of them alone. “I didn’t know that cooking was a hobby of yours,” Renjun said through a mouthful of egg to Jaemin.

Jaemin thought about it. Don’t, Jeno begged silently. “I did not know that either,” Jaemin replied, completely honest. Jeno closed his eyes. Yeah, still weird. 

Thankfully, Renjun laughed at that. “You’re a funny one, aren’t you,” If Jeno didn’t know any better, he might have thought that Renjun almost sounded fond.

Jeno squinted at him suspiciously. Just as he was about to say something that would undoubtedly piss Renjun off, the door slammed open, announcing the arrival of the loudest person in their group. The door bounced off the wall, the recoil stopped by Jisung’s hand and narrowly missing Chenle. “Nice, I’m starving,” Chenle headed straight to a lunchbox of _ddeok_. Jisung followed, plucking one from Chenle’s hand. “So, have you guys sorted out your shit?”

“Almost,” Jeno pulled up the slides he worked on while he was on bed rest. “We should be able to wrap up by today – ”

“I don’t mean that,” Chenle interrupted, moving onto the main meal after polishing off half the desserts. At least he had the decency to leave some for the rest of them, unlike Renjun. Chenle jerked a chin to Jaemin, “Is he done being weird? Are you two together?” He sounded a little too casual, the phrasing strange enough that Jeno tilted his head in confusion. 

“We are always together,” Jaemin answered promptly.

“No, I mean like – ”

“Shut up, Chenle,” Renjun barked sharply, “This isn’t the time.” As if he was anyone to talk about social etiquette.

Jisung immediately started to crowd Chenle towards a corner, arguing with him about something in a voice too low for Jeno to catch. “Chenle means to say that he’s glad that you two are doing okay now,” Renjun said, putting down the empty lunchbox and swiping through his tablet.

Chenle shoved Jisung away with a final roll of his eyes, “How was PT?” he asked grudgingly, sounding reluctant to leave the topic.

“The usual,” Jeno replied, watching Jisung from the corner of his eye contemplatively, “Minseok’s great, thanks for assigning him to me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jisung dismissed, “It wasn’t too hard was it?”

“No,” Jeno lowered his eyes to his tablet, “I’m surprised that he doesn’t take any notes. Or maybe that’s a stereotype of doctors.” Jeno faked a laugh.

“Oh, he does,” Jisung answered, taking a seat next to Jeno now that he was satisfied with his daily dose of Chenle-centred bickering. “He doesn’t do it until after we leave because he says that it’s better to focus on the patients when we’re there with him.”

Damn it, Jeno swore to himself. It doesn’t seem like he would have a chance to swipe his tablet or get his hands on it long enough to steal his files like how he did with Mark. Jeno exhaled silently, pinching his nose bridge.

“Are you okay?” Jisung whispered, leaning over, “You don’t have to stay if you’re tired, I’ll fix up your part.” It was as though Jeno broke his head, not his back.

“I’m alright,” Jeno smiled as reassuringly as he could. On impulse, he reached over and patted Jisung’s head more affectionately than he intended. He drew his hand away, unnerved. Jisung didn’t notice, ducking his head and grinning at him.

As the hours passed, they started to leave one by one. Jaemin was the last, sending Jeno a questioning look that he waved away, fully intending to finish up his part by today. When the door shut behind him and Jeno was finally left alone, he lifted his Blinker and placed a call.

“Doyoung, I want to meet you.”

/

“Does Johnny know that you’re here?” Jeno asked, his question overlapping Doyoung’s. They stared at each other, discomfited. The bright sunlight shone down on them at their usual table at the Cloud, mockingly cheerful.

“So you do realise how shady you’re coming off,” Doyoung said dryly.

“It’s part of our job description,” Jeno replied, shamelessly ordering two sets of Eggs Benedict.

“What is this about, Jeno,” Doyoung sounded weary, “All I got from Johnny was an order to stop meeting you, no further explanation, and you suddenly contact me through a private channel to ask to meet.”

“Johnny didn’t tell you anything at all?” Jeno poured himself a cup of tea, not particularly surprised. Johnny was much too paranoid and suspicious of everyone to be completely transparent with his own people.

“All he said was that he would be dealing with you personally, whatever the hell that meant,” Doyoung grumbled, poking at his rainbow cake moodily.

“The mission changed.” Jeno said vaguely, taking a sip of tea.

Doyoung took an aggressive bite of cake, “How?” he demanded, “Are you not keeping an eye on…that guy anymore? What about Jaemin? Taeyong and I have a right to check up on him,” he said resentfully.

Jeno took a bit of food, considering. There didn’t seem to be a harm in telling Doyoung this. “I convinced Johnny to release us from active service.”

Doyoung spluttered his tea. “ _What?_ ” he exclaimed, scandalised. “And he didn’t think to ask me _or_ Taeyong? Does he think we created Jaemin with a 3D printer?”

“On the condition that I prove that Nova is involved in body modification,” Jeno added quickly. “Basically, help him acquire technology to create a new model in exchange for the old one.”

Doyoung’s eyebrows were almost at his hairline. “The stakes of it must be pretty high for Johnny to be willing to go to that extent.”

Way too fucking high. Jeno was essentially selling out people who trusted him for their freedom. “That, and the fact that Jaemin is a failed prototype.”

“Don’t say that!” Doyoung said fiercely, putting his fork down with a clatter. “He didn’t fail, it’s all me. I was the one who programmed him to be the way he is now. The only flaw in him is the one that I added myself.”

“It’s not like you could go against Johnny’s orders,” Jeno shrugged. That guy was one demanding asshole.

“It doesn’t change the fact that I agreed to it.” Jeno opened his mouth to reply but Doyoung talked over him, speaking in a rush as though desperate for him to understand. “When we created him, as far as we knew Jaemin was literally the first of his kind in our world. A human soldier physically enhanced to superhuman levels. Can you imagine the level of destruction he is capable of? All of us were terrified. It made sense to me at that time, to erase independent thought and emotion so that he wouldn’t do anything that he was not supposed to but he ended up, well, obeying us _too_ well.”

Jeno sighed loudly. If only they had just left Jaemin alone, Jeno would bet on his life that Jaemin would be more afraid of himself than they were of him. “I suppose there’s no way to get rid of the algorithm? Reprogram it?”

“I would, but I can’t. There’s a kill switch in that chip so if I fiddle with the algorithm it’ll make the chip self-destruct and it might damage the wiring in his brain.”

“Could we remove the chip?” Jeno asked hopefully.

“Do you want him to be paralysed from neck down?”

Jeno groaned. “Well, whatever it is, it’s water under the bridge now,” Jeno rubbed his forehead in exhaustion, “I’ll deal with rehabilitating him. But I need your help with my mission, Doyoung.”

“How?” Doyoung signalled for another slice of cake. He must be stress eating.

“I need you to send a virus to this person,” Jeno turned his tablet to Doyoung, showing him a picture of Minseok posing with Jeno after hitting a successful milestone in their previous session. “Kim Minseok, 42. I want to get the ID and password he uses at Nova’s portal.”

Doyoung pulled the tablet over, frowning, “How did you manage to get to this guy?”

“Inside information,” Jeno said briefly, “Contrary to what Johnny was thinking, I wasn’t just sitting on my butt for the past couple of months.”

Doyoung scrolled through the tablet, “Is there a reason why you couldn’t have sent it yourself?”

“I don’t want it to be traced to me,” Jeno answered. “It’s easy for you because our government regularly asks for records of revenue from the private sector to check for money laundering and whatnot. All you have to do is add an extra something to the email you send to this guy and no one would be any the wiser for it.”

Doyoung had a point, it would have been much simpler for Jeno to do it himself, he was more than capable of creating a fake email but that would create a loose end and if it was traced to him, the whole plan would go to bust. The house of cards he built here rested entirely on having people trust him.

“You’re certain that this guy is the key to your mission?”

“Yes.”

Doyoung didn’t say anything, likely reluctant to use his authority to do something that could get him in trouble with Johnny if it was discovered. Either that, or he was unwilling to let go of the prototype he worked so hard on, even if it means getting a better one in exchange.

Jeno switched to his backup plan, running a hand through his hair and feigning frustration. He put his fork down, bowing his head and making himself look pitiful. “You’ve seen Jaemin,” he said in a low voice, “Do you know what it’s like for me to see him like this everyday? Do you even know what you took from me? From us?” his voice broke without his volition. He scrambled to calm himself, pushing down the very genuine reaction.

Doyoung looked thunderstruck, shock and guilt painting his face. This was his first time in three years seeing Jeno look anything other than the calm, composed agent he normally kept himself as. Nothing was more convincing than a well-timed breakdown from someone you thought was immovable. Doyoung reached over the table, handing him a napkin clumsily. “Oh my, no Jeno, don’t cry,” he whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“I understand why you did it,” Jeno sniffled. Fuck, there wasn’t any snot coming out. If only a cat would pass by him now and trigger his allergies. “Maybe I would have done the same if I were you, because you had to protect people from – ”, a weapon capable of mass homicide, “ – Jaemin but he isn’t just a soldier to me, he was,” Jeno hesitated, “he is…the first and only thing in my life that ever meant something to me.”

The words were quiet, carried away by the cold breeze, meaningless and worthless.

Why couldn’t he have found the words when it mattered? Why couldn’t he have said it when he had a chance to? Why did he keep his eyes and mouth and heart stubbornly shut until it was too late?

Why did he not realise what he had before he had to say goodbye?

Doyoung put his head in his hands. He was silent for a long while. “What have I done,” he murmured in a wrecked voice, almost to himself.

“You erased everything that Jaemin is,” Jeno could not stop the words from falling from his lips, poison and despair. “Were our lives that meaningless to all of you? Because we had nothing and we were nothing, we meant nothing?”

Jeno bit his tongue, stopping any more words from coming. He shouldn’t have lost control like that. “Let me fix this,” he said tiredly. “Just, please. Just this once. Let me choose what happens to us.”

Doyoung lifted his head, eyes red-rimmed but steady. He nodded curtly. “It’ll be in your email by tonight.”

They finished the rest of their meal in relative silence, each lost in their own thoughts. “Do you have to go soon?” Jeno asked, swiping up the last of the Hollandaise sauce.

Doyoung nodded, packing up his things and getting up. “I have to meet Taeyong. Will you be okay getting back?”

“Sure,” Jeno picked up his cup of lukewarm tea. Doyoung reached over and hesitantly squeezed his shoulder as though worried that Jeno would punch him. “Order more food if you like, I’ll pick up the bill for this and,” he wavered, “For what it’s worth, there was never a moment when I looked at Jaemin and didn’t wish that there was a different choice.” With that, he walked away quickly.

You and me both, Jeno thought to himself. Jeno reclined in his seat. He watched Doyoung as the man paid for their table at the entrance. A flash of familiar gold caught his eye as a customer exited the Aeri lift, walking towards the Cloud.

Renjun stood at the entrance of the Cloud, waiting to be admitted. It seemed like he was here for his favourite brunch meal. Despite his gloom Jeno grinned, lifting a hand, ready to call him over obnoxiously and annoy him when, like a flower falling into a pond, a stray piece of memory landed gently on the forefront of his mind.

More and more memories floated into his head, adding up to a picture.

Like a lock sliding into place, the final pieces aligned in his head. Jeno’s eyes travelled from where he was sitting to the entrance of the Cloud where Doyoung was standing, saying something to the waiter. Heart in his throat, Jeno said, “Doyoung, you have a stain on your shirt.”

Doyoung didn’t turn.

Jeno swallowed, raising his voice to a pitch louder than usual, “Doyoung, thank you for everything. For what it’s worth, I never blamed you.” I’ve only ever cursed the world, wishing that it could have been kinder to people like us.

Doyoung smiled at the waiter and left, not once looking back at Jeno.

Jeno’s eyes slowly slid over to Renjun. He had caught sight of Jeno, standing in place at the entrance and ignoring the waiter. His face was impassive but Jeno was familiar with how fear looked and it was glinting in the depths of his eyes. Jeno knew he was recalling his exact words to Jeno the night they got drunk.

_“I saw you at the Cloud. I heard what that man said about you and Jaemin.”_

_“I almost went in but I saw you and left immediately.”_

He almost went in, but he didn’t. That was why Jeno hadn’t seen him at the Cloud that day. Because he wasn’t among the customers. It was impossible for Renjun to hear Jeno’s conversation from the entrance ten tables away.

This wasn’t something an ordinary human could do.

“Hey, Goldie,” Jeno rested his interlaced fingers on his stomach as Renjun approached him. Renjun sank slowly into the seat Doyoung had occupied earlier. “Pay for your own meal,” he said half-heartedly when Renjun placed his order.

Renjun didn’t answer. “What’s with you today? No smart comebacks?”

“Shut up, Jeno,” Renjun said automatically, no heat in his voice. “How much did you guess?”

“Well, you kinda told me to shut up – ”

“Jeno,” Renjun’s voice was steely. It might have been mildly concerning to a lesser man than Jeno. Unfortunately for him, Renjun still resembled a teacup Chihuahua to Jeno.

Jeno opened his mouth to reply before closing it again, watching him with a suspicious, narrowed gaze.

They met eyes across the table. Renjun’s gaze was cool and even, unreadable like how he used to be before they got to this semi-truce. “You have incredibly good hearing,” Jeno said, resting his chin in his hand. “Good enough to hear me from across a restaurant and across a meeting room. Based on what Nova Medicals gave me, I reckon you did some kind of body modification too.” For enhanced hearing, of all things. That was incredibly random.

Renjun made no response to that. “The question is, how much did you do?” Jeno hummed in thought. Renjun was showing an unreasonable amount of fear, in Jeno’s opinion. Jeno didn’t get why. There’s no reason for him to be worried that Jeno would tattle when his neck was on the line as well. Body modifications were illegal, reporting Renjun would be as good as reporting himself. Jeno was missing something, he just knew it.

Then it hit him.

_“Jeno, what do you think of cyborgs?”_

Oh.

His strength, his hearing, the way Chenle struggled to carry someone so small, the loud, metallic thump when he dropped Renjun against the bar table, more like dropping a piece of metal than human flesh.

Jisung’s drunken words.

Chenle’s reticence to talk about their companies.

Renjun’s fear.

Renjun was a cyborg.

Jeno’s eyes flashed to his. They stared at each other wordlessly, neither willing to break the stalemate. Jeno couldn’t admit that he suspected him of being a cyborg without blowing both his and Jaemin’s cover as ordinary citizens. Renjun couldn’t say anything either without basically admitting that Nova was pioneering something so immensely illegal that the repercussions wouldn’t end with just shutting the company down.

“You know what, Jisung mentioned something about cyborgs – ” Jeno started delicately, determined to get the upper hand.

Renjun was faster, smacking down his house of cards.

In his typical fashion.

Abrupt, drastic, exasperating and always, always, headache-inducing.

“Like me and Jaemin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter after this!


	10. Chapter 10

“How much do you know?” Jeno barked, furious at him and furious at the reversal of power.

Renjun scoffed. “Anyone with a pair of eyes and some background of cyborgs can tell that Jaemin isn’t a typical human. He speaks like a home AI.”

“Why didn’t you say anything at the start?” Jeno demanded.

“You’re kidding, right?” Renjun leaned across the table, lowering his voice even further, “What we’re both doing is so illegal I won’t be surprised if we’re killed in our sleep.”

What we’re _both_ doing? Wait, what?

“And besides,” Renjun was still saying, “You never said anything about Jaemin either. Jisung was about to lose his mind with how long I made him wait.” 

Jisung? Jeno’s mind spun with the barrage of information. Things were shifting faster than he can grasp a hold on it. “Jisung knew too?” Jeno said, trying to stall for time as he fumbled to find his footing.

“Duh,” Renjun stated as though it was obvious. “Why do you think he was so quick to welcome you guys?”

Jeno fell back in his seat, incredulous. Wow. Did he just get played? All this time he thought that it was a cat and mouse game and now it turned out that Jisung was on the opposite side of the chessboard after all. “And here I was thinking that he genuinely wanted to be friends,” he breathed, a crooked smile twisting his lips. His heart clenched. The words tasted unexpectedly bitter.

Renjun’s eyes softened. “Don’t hold it against Jisung. Maybe it started that way but not anymore,” he hesitated, “You two are our friends now.”

“Why? Why approach us? What do you guys want?” Jeno couldn’t keep the frustration out of his voice. Are Upper Levels incapable of living without making use of everyone around them for one second?

Renjun paused, weighing his words. “Jisung – and me – suspected early on that Jaemin wasn’t an ordinary human. Like I said, it wasn’t difficult if you knew what to look out for. Jaemin wasn’t subtle.” He huffed a laugh, falling silent quickly when Jeno didn’t respond.

“It wasn’t hard to figure out that he was yours because of how you two were always together and you took care of him in a way that was odd for people who on surface didn’t appear particularly close. That confused us, why did you pretend not to know Jaemin then?” Renjun picked up a napkin and started shredding it to flakes on the table. “I jumped straight into the assumption that you were just another sycophant, pretending not to have friends so that you could get close to Jisung.”

“I thought that you were jealous at the beginning,” Jeno signalled for another pot of tea, pouring some for Renjun and himself.

Renjun took it with a nod of thanks. “Nah, I wasn’t. I _was_ pissed off as hell though, when I overheard your conversation at the Cloud. I thought that on top of being a sycophant, you were using Jisung as a twisted sort of rebound. But you said that wasn’t the case.”

“That was enough for you to change your mind about us?” Jeno nibbled his biscuit. Renjun was one stubborn guy, he couldn’t imagine Renjun giving in as easily as that.

“That, and I realised that you were sincere about wanting to be friends,” Renjun replied simply. “Well, Jaemin at least. He genuinely wanted to make friends, in that weird way of his. For you it wasn’t as straightforward. You’ve always been a confusing asshole.”

“I live to disappoint,” Jeno’s said monotonously.

Renjun glared at him, adding a spoonful of sugar to his tea. “In the end, the only conclusion that made sense to me was that you wanted to be friends with us to help Jaemin blend in with a group of humans while letting him get used to people. Jisung probably played a big part in you deciding to stick with us. While doing that, you alleviated suspicion by ensuring that no one watching would associate you to Jaemin, thereby killing three birds with one stone. Did I get it right?” Renjun smirked at him.

Jeno scowled, grudgingly impressed. Renjun may be quick-tempered and have a tongue like daggers but he was smart as hell. The only part he got wrong was assuming that Jeno was from another biotech company, but no one would imagine a government agent to come in the form of a twenty year old struggling to keep up with lectures and staring longingly after a robot.

Renjun smiled smugly, interpreting his answer from Jeno’s silence. “The one thing I don’t know for sure is how you feel towards Jaemin. I can’t tell if you’re watching over him because it’s your responsibility or if there’s something going on. I won’t ask you to give me an answer to that,” Renjun added quickly, “It’s your private matter. The twin terrors did make a bet, so I’m giving you a heads up on that.”

Jeno nodded stiffly. “For how long were you guys planning to pretend to not know about Jaemin?”

“I was going to drag it out for much longer before I let Jisung bring it up but then _that_ happened and now you found out about me, so. We know each other’s secret. You know about me, I know about Jaemin. It would be pointless for both of us to continue pretending anymore.” Renjun reached for a biscuit nonchalantly.

Jeno held the cup in his hands, staring at the cooling tea. There was something in his throat. “I thought we were friends,” he said quietly before he could stop himself. His self-control was really in shreds today.

There was a startled pause. “We are,” Renjun said in a mumble, equally quiet. “Even if…even if neither of us were honest at the start. That doesn’t mean that we can’t start afresh again.” He looked away, embarrassed. 

They won’t. Because of what Jeno was going to do.

“What does Jisung want from me, anyway?” Jeno brought up his earlier question, diverting the depressing thought away.

Renjun straightened up, clearly more comfortable with this sort of conversations than one that involved talking about their feelings. Jeno could relate. “Jisung wants a collaboration,” Renjun stated boldly, “Your company and ours.”

Jeno stared at him blankly. “Collaborate on _what_? Do you want to be like Jaemin?” he said in disbelief, feeling his temper rise. “Are you kidding me? Did you miss the part where we talked about trying to get him to behave semi-normally?”

Renjun held his hands up placatingly. “In my defense, this was Jisung’s words, not mine.”

“That he wants to make people like Jaemin?” Jeno struggled to contain his volume.

“He wants to _help_ people,” Renjun bit out.

“ _How_?” Jeno snapped back.

Renjun closed his eyes, looking skywards as though praying for patience. “Why do you think Levels exist?” Renjun said as calmly as he could.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Jeno said sarcastically, “Maybe because some people are smarter or richer or luckier, or all three?”

“Exactly,” Renjun pointed at him with a skinny finger. “Jisung thinks that if we could universalize the use of implants to help people focus the way Jaemin can, it could fix mental deficiencies on the uneven playing field. That way even if people weren’t lucky enough to be born smart or rich, they would at least have a better chance of climbing up the levels through their ability.”

None of this makes sense. Jeno voices exactly that. “You can’t possibly be buying into it.”

“I don’t know,” Renjun said miserably, hunching in on himself. “I mean, it sort of makes sense. If you can’t have natural ability, what’s so wrong with being able to buy some for yourself? Whether it’s physical or mental.”

“The fact that you actually have to buy them?” Jeno scoffed, “Do you think that everyone can afford it?”

Renjun buried his face in his hands and groaned. “That’s what I said to them too. Chenle said that if we could gain traction on it, eventually the price would go down and we could make it more affordable.”

“People from the Lower Levels,” Jeno gritted out, “won’t be able to afford it. Even if it becomes affordable, it’ll slowly turn into a race again to see who can get the better implant.”

“It’s not just about rising up the Levels,” Renjun argued. “If you think about it in a different way, we’re helping to pioneer a new generation of humans. Can you imagine how rapidly we can progress with a society of cyborgs?”

Jeno’s lips parted in shock. “You guys are going to level out the playing field by literally getting rid of them.”

“That’s right – ”

“And you start by dismantling the Lower Levels entirely.” Jeno passed a hand over his face, unable to believe that he was having this conversation. “Because they’ll be the first ones to lose out in a competition like this. Which,” Jeno said loudly, “is kind of fucking ironic because it was meant to help them.”

Renjun didn’t say anything to that, frowning at the table.

“Look,” Jeno pinched his nose bridge. “I won’t help you with this.” More like he can’t, but Renjun doesn’t need to know that. “I don’t see any tangible benefit to this, Upper or Lower Levels. I’m not going to risk having people factory reset into another Jaemin. One was enough.” He got up, more than done with the conversation and the whole damn day.

“You make it sound like it was unintentional,” Renjun said quietly as he passed. “What happened for him to end up like that?”

Jeno paused, eyes gazing out over the lovely décor of the Clouds, white plates and fanciful dishes carelessly left half-eaten that Jeno knew the waitstaff were going to fight over as soon as they disappeared into the kitchen. He exhaled, a sigh of resignation. “A situation in which we didn’t have any other choice.”

/

The glow from his tablet lit up his room in shades of blue. Beyond the curtains, Seoul was just starting to wake up for the new week. Jeno tucked himself into the corner next to the window, leaning his head against the cool glass and looking out over the skyline of Seoul, blue and orange and blurred with fog like a waking dream. It was a view he never saw back in their old life. The lights glowed like stars against the breaking dawn.

The tablet sat in his limp hands. In it were the details of every illegal operation Nova had conducted that Jeno spent the whole night digging out and organising. It was enough to open an investigation into Nova and with just this alone, a good prosecutor would be able to shut them down for good.

Johnny was right after all. The indisputable proof was here in his hands. Nova was carrying out body modifications, enhancing physical abilities for health reasons, aesthetics and some that were unspecified. Though, he probably wasn’t expecting the technology to extend to Renjun. The length of his specs rivalled Jaemin’s, down to the brain implants.

There was a knock on the door.

Jaemin peeked in, dressed in his usual black tracksuit. He shuffled over, crouching in front of Jeno. “What are you doing on the floor?”

“Thinking,” Jeno replied simply.

Jaemin looked at him solemnly. He reached out and held onto Jeno’s pinkie tentatively. “You look tired, did you not sleep?”

“No.”

“Are you going to go for classes?”

“No.” There was no need to, Jeno was about to complete his mission and there would be no reason to keep up the façade any longer.

Jeno was so tired.

“Do you need food?”

“No.”

“A hug?”

Jeno paused. Jaemin let go of his pinkie and carefully gathered him into his arms, holding him close, holding him tight. Jeno rested his chin on his shoulder, turning his head to press his nose into Jaemin’s neck. He didn’t smell the same anymore, but he felt the same. Still Jaemin. One hand let go of the tablet to curl around Jaemin, taking comfort in the cool, solid weight. “You need to go for classes, Jaemin.” He made no move to let go of Jaemin. It’s been so long. A long, long time to be alone, carrying it by himself. Is life supposed to feel like this? Or was it the shackles of the Lower Levels, eternally following after those of the Upper Levels, who ran free into a destiny of their own choosing?

He felt Jaemin shaking his head. “You are distressed. I should not leave you.”

“I’ll be fine, I just need to rest. You can’t let Jisung go alone for philosophy class. He’ll end up talking to the table during group discussions.” Jeno ran his fingers down the metal spine, squeezing his hip and disengaging himself.

There was a faint frown between his eyebrows. “Go on,” Jeno nudged him, “You shouldn’t leave your friends alone.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll take a nap,” Jeno smiled at him wearily. Jaemin needed to be out of the house for Jeno to progress to the next step of his plan. Jeno reached out when Jaemin didn’t move, running his fingers through Jaemin’s electric blue hair gently. “I’ll be here when you get back, okay? Promise.”

When the door clicked shut behind a reluctant Jaemin, the sun was almost completely up. Jeno didn’t understand why he couldn’t gather the strength to make the call. This was what he wanted, to get the two of them out and go back to their lives, or whatever was left of it.

Is there anything left to go back to?

Is there anything worth staying for?

No more weekly barbecue and eggs, no more Renjun to fight with him over everything, no more of watching Chenle’s and Jisung’s antics. Only day after day of clawing out just another day without any of the carefree assurance that tomorrow will come.

No matter which way he looked, there wasn’t much to look forward to.

Jeno closed his eyes. Sometimes, he truly hated himself.

Here he was, ready to sell out one friend for another and hesitating because he was unable to give up the certainty of his current life.

His Blinker flashed with an incoming call. “Hey, Jisung,” he tried to smile.

“Jeno, are you feeling okay?” Jisung’s voice somehow managed to sound anxious through the line, “Jaemin said that you didn’t sleep and you didn’t come to school, is your back giving you problems? Should I call Minseok?”

“It’s fine, I just had work to do,” Jeno said. He chewed his lips, thinking. “Renjun told me everything yesterday.”

“I know,” Jisung sagged, looking genuinely remorseful. “I’m sorry for not being truthful with you.”

“Am I your friend?” Jeno couldn’t help the words. It didn’t matter anymore, not when it was about to end. “Or was I just a potential partner all this while?”

“You’re my friend,” Jisung said firmly, in a voice that left no room for doubt. “No matter how good you were, I would never have even thought about collaborating with you if I didn’t like you.”

Jeno felt his lips curl into a smile, not the artificial one, just one that was small and wry and a little sad around the edges. “You’re my friend too. Thank you for taking in me and Jaemin when we had no one else.”

Jisung rubbed his neck self-consciously. “It’s nothing,” he mumbled. “I just…yeah. I know what it’s like.” He glanced to the side, saying hurriedly, “Jeno, I gotta go. I’ll drop by with some food later, alright? Or maybe Renjun will, he should be done with his classes.” He leaned forward, looking at Jeno seriously. “Whatever happened, don’t doubt for a second that you’re one of my friends now.” There was the sound of a door opening and the call ended abruptly.

Jeno put the tablet on the ground and got up, going to the kitchen and leisurely making himself a plate of eggs. It would be a long time before he got to eat anything nice. Jeno went through the motions methodically, taking his time with each step and trying to engrave this last day in his memory. Cracking eggs into a bowl, beating it, adding the salt. His hands hesitated on the butter and put it back, Eggs Benedict would only remind him of Renjun.

He wondered what would happen to Renjun. To Jisung and Chenle. They might get demoted to the Lower Levels, or not, depending on how much money and sway the three of them have. Jeno swallowed back bile when he thought about Renjun. Once Johnny gets his hands on him it would be all over. He might be dismantled into parts on an operating table or reprogrammed into a blank slate like Jaemin.

Jeno put the pan down with a slam, clutching the edge of the counter tightly. Freedom isn’t free, but this was too high a price. There was a difference between pulling diamonds from eyes and actually being the cause for it.

He fumbled for his Blinker, placing a call. “Johnny,” he said the moment his image flickered properly into view. “Why us?”

“What?” Johnny’s eyebrows pulled together in bafflement.

“I mean,” Jeno pulled himself together, “Why did you choose us? Out of so many seventeen year olds in the city, why Jaemin?”

“It’s nothing personal,” Johnny said in puzzlement, “You just happened to be there at the right place and at the right time. And well,” Johnny shrugged, “I thought that if Jaemin didn’t make it through the operation you might eventually want to get back at the driver of that truck. The one that belonged to Nova Medicals.”

There was a ringing sound in his ears. Johnny’s voice sounded like it was coming from far away. “There’s no motivation stronger in the world than that of revenge.”

“This stupid war between you two, over some goddamn technology,” Jeno’s voice was low. He could hardly recognise it, vicious fury barely restrained. “It never occurred to either of you the repercussions of your actions, did it? The collateral damage from your fight? All that mattered was your end goal.”

“That’s how it works,” Johnny said coldly.

“That doesn’t make it fair.” Jeno hated how the words sounded coming from him.

“The world isn’t fair,” Johnny retorted, “Has it ever been fair to you?”

Jeno wanted to throw his Blinker across the room. “What’s going to happen when I submit the evidence to you?”

“Shut down Nova, acquire their technology,” Johnny listed off, “And basically retrenching you two, I suppose.”

“I mean,” Jeno took a deep breath, “What’s going to happen to Park Jisung?”

“He’ll be prosecuted according to the law,” Johnny said, “If we can find him guilty of aiding or abetting whatever is going on in his dad’s company, we might be able to imprison him or at least seize their assets.”

There was a growing sense of horror. “You’re going to crush them to the ground.”

Johnny looked at him like he was crazy, “We have to. There’s a reason why body modifications were made illegal in the first place. The advancements made earlier in this century caused the Fourth Industrial Revolution to explode on us and it ended in the Upper and Lower Levels that we have now; the high skill versus low skilled labour force. Can you imagine what would happen if body modifications became available to the market?”

“It’ll widen the gap,” Jeno said bleakly.

“Exactly. The Revolution improved our standard of living and advanced humanity at an exponential speed but you can’t deny that the ones who benefited the most are the Upper Levels. It’s our duty to put the brakes on it by keeping it within the public sector and allowing its use only under very specific conditions.”

“Like for military defence. Even if it means that you turn your soldiers into mindless killing machines.”

Johnny let out an explosive sigh. “How else do you expect us to make sure that he doesn’t go rogue?”

Jeno squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head, “You guys shouldn’t even have started meddling with this in the first place.”

“It was a snowball effect from the previous generation,” Johnny said, sounding just as done as Jeno, “All we can do now is to manage as best as we can.”

Jeno leaned against the counter, not saying a word. “Well?” Johnny asked, “Is that all? Have you gotten the evidence yet?”

“Yeah, I’ll send it to you – ” he started to mumble when an almighty crash resounded through the apartment, coming from the direction of the entrance. Jeno and Johnny whipped their heads to the side. There was a blue of motion and Johnny’s holographic image vanished, a small, fragile hand clamped around his Blinker with more strength than it suggested. Jeno’s gaze followed the thin hand upwards.

“Don’t do it,” Renjun’s voice was steely.

Jeno stared at him unblinkingly, his wrist starting to ache with how hard Renjun was holding him. Over his shoulder, a container of pasta lay upturned at the hallway, the door hanging off its hinges beside it limply. Jeno recognised the logo to be from the school cafeteria. “You brought me lunch?” Jeno asked. There was an odd feeling in his gut.

“Don’t do it. Please.” Renjun never begged. He wouldn’t even say please when he asked Jeno to pass him the sauce.

“How long have you been standing outside?” Jeno asked, deflecting again.

“Long enough,” Renjun lowered his hand, keeping it firmly clasped around Jeno’s Blinker. He looked down, small body hunched in and tiny. It was the first time that they’ve ever stood so close together. Jeno never realised how small he was until now, with his personality tucked away, begging Jeno to spare his friend. “I heard practically everything.”

“Then you know why I’m doing this.”

“And you know why I am too.”

“It’s nothing personal.” Jeno kept his eyes on their hands. His throat was tight. It would have been easier if he didn’t have to see Renjun, didn’t have to be forced to face what he was about to do. “Even if we fought a lot, I’m not doing this to hurt you. It’s…collateral damage.”

“When you said that it was a situation in which you had no other choice, was this what you meant?” Renjun asked tentatively.

Jeno nodded. His fingers were starting to go numb, but he didn’t bother asking Renjun to let go of him. “We were at the wrong place at the wrong time. Or maybe it was the right time, I don’t know. It was a choice between taking up their offer or letting Jaemin die. I didn’t know that a little part of Jaemin died either way.”

Renjun breathed out slowly. “We should have gotten to you first. Things might have not gotten to this extent otherwise.”

“How many of you are there?” Jeno flexed his fingers, trying to get the blood flowing. Renjun noticed the motion, his grip loosening a little.

“Just me.” Renjun hesitated, “I was always sick as a kid. I was lucky to have Chenle as my cousin. They upgraded me as I grew up, replacing parts until I’m more metal than flesh. I might have died without it. For that reason,” Renjun squeezed his wrist, “I’m afraid that I can’t let you destroy Nova. Too many lives would be lost without it.”

“Lives would be lost either way. Not everyone can afford to live.” It hurt to hear it aloud.

“I’m sorry that the world is like that.”

“I’m sorry too.” There was a sudden motion, the pressure on Jeno’s hand loosened and a sharp crack sounded. Renjun held up the pieces of the Blinker, putting it on the counter. Jeno suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. Trust Renjun to do something like this. As though knocking down the whole damn door wasn’t enough. “Why are you doing this?” the words burst out of Renjun, “Jisung and Chenle didn’t do anything wrong. _We_ didn’t do anything wrong.”

Jeno didn’t have an answer, didn’t have an excuse. “They saved Jaemin on the condition that we sign our lives away, to enter their service for life.” Jeno said instead, poking at the broken halves of his Blinker, “Because they were afraid of Jaemin, they put an algorithm in his brain implant to suppress independent thought and emotion, basically turning him into a robot.” Jeno laughed mirthlessly. “I guess he died in the end, in a way.”

“Is that why he’s like this?” There was pity in Renjun’s voice. It grated at Jeno.

“Yeah. I’ve spent three years trying to get him back and just barely managed to.” Jeno picked the pieces up, fiddling with them mindlessly. “I made a deal with them the day Nova put implants into my brain,” Jeno looked up, meeting Renjun’s gaze head-on. “to exchange Jaemin for Nova. For you.”

Renjun was still looking at him with that gaze, understanding and pity in his eyes. He snorted after a moment, “I guess we aren’t that different after all.”

Jeno chuckled. They really weren’t. Both of them were ready to fight the world for what was important to them.

“There’s one thing that I don’t get,” Renjun said, circling around the counter. “Why would they agree to let you go?”

Jeno tilted his head, “Because we agreed to a deal. Jaemin for Nova.”

“How do you know they’ll do it?” Renjun persisted. “Why would they release two agents who know so much out into the world?”

“My boss promised to release us from active service. I guess that means that we’ll still be bound by the non-disclosure agreement and kept as sleeper agents…” Jeno trailed off, a sense of gut-churning horror growing in him. The two halves of the Blinker suddenly felt impossibly heavy. “Fuck.”

“What?” Renjun asked sharply.

“I had a recording. In this Blinker. From my boss promising to release us from active service.” Jeno’s voice was strangled. His head whipped up to stare at Renjun. “Now it’s gone.”

Renjun looked like he hadn’t thought of it before he broke Jeno’s Blinker and with it, his hopes and dreams. With a yell of exasperation, Jeno hurled the pieces at Renjun who caught it with infuriating ease. To his credit, he did look adequately apologetic. “It’s not like it matters anyway!” Renjun snapped, “You two signed a contract when you joined, I’m guessing. Do you think a recording holds much weight against a contract in the court of law?”

“It’s better than nothing!” Jeno said furiously, half-considering throwing a pan at his head too.

“Did he specify what it meant to be released from active service?” Renjun demanded, “If he pulls Jaemin apart on an operating table he could argue that it counts too.”

Jeno blinked, not having considered that. It didn’t even cross his mind but that does seem like the kind of sneaky, underhanded thing Johnny would do.

Renjun watched it play across his face. He threw up his hands, “I don’t know this Johnny guy but if I were him, I would never let you two out of sight, not even as a sleeper agent. Especially now when you don’t have the recording anymore.”

“And whose fault is that?” Jeno snarled.

Renjun slammed his fist on the countertop. “He wouldn’t have let you go anyway! You two are trained agents, one of you is a cyborg super soldier and the other one knows too much! And,” he stabbed a finger at Jeno, “the moment he finds out that you have shit drilled into you too he’ll definitely find a way to keep you.”

Jeno growled, dragging his fingers through his hair and yanking at it. Renjun had a point. Hoping to be free of someone as clingy and paranoid as Johnny was an unlikely dream.

Renjun suddenly stiffened. Jeno glanced at him questioningly. Without another word, he dashed to the door. Jeno watched in equal parts amazement and bafflement as he shoved the door back into place with ease, sealing them in. He backed away slowly, staring at it in fear. “There’s people coming,” he whispered.

Jeno hurried to him. They stood in front of the door for a few minutes. There was a quiet ding from the lifts outside the apartment and the sound of footsteps. “Yo, Jeno!” Lucas’s voice boomed. “You in there or what?”

“Fuck,” Jeno breathed out. He seized Renjun’s shoulders, pushing him away. “You need to get out of here.”

“Who are they?” Renjun dug his heels in, choosing the worst moment to be stubborn.

“Agents. From my base.” Jeno looked around desperately. Jaehyun’s voice joined his. “Jeno? We got an order from Johnny to check up on you. We couldn’t get to you on your Blinker. Are you in there?”

Jeno whirled on Renjun, thinking fast. If they find Renjun here, it’s all over for them both. Jeno would be handing over Nova without getting anything back, now that he has no recording or contract to prove the existence of the deal. “Take the Aeri lift. Get away from here.”

“Jeno, are you sure – ”

Jeno shoved him hard. “Fucking go!”

There was a blur as Renjun dashed to the panel to summon an Aeri lift.

“Jeno!” Lucas shouted again, less flippant.

Jeno glanced back desperately to see Renjun hopping into an Aeri lift. “I’m here!” he called out as soon as it sailed away. How was he supposed to explain this? The fucking door was basically knocked down. “I was in the bathroom.”

“Could you open the door?” Jaehyun said calmly, never a good sign.

Jeno tugged at the handle. The door was stuck. He kicked at it fruitlessly. “It’s stuck, I think.”

There was a baffled pause. “How?” Lucas finally asked, bewildered.

“It fell in,” Jeno said helplessly, well-aware of how ludicrous it sounded. “I pushed it back up but I guess I got it stuck.”

There was a choked sound of confusion. Jeno guessed that it was Lucas. “Okay,” Jaehyun said, “We’ll use a laser. Could you stand back?”

Jeno moved away, watching as an outline of a door was cut into the heavy wood. There were a few solid thumps and the cut block fell in. Lucas and Jaehyun ducked through the opening, stepping over the mess of pasta on the floor. They would have passed for civilians if it weren’t for the coiled strength in their steps, the watchfulness in their gaze that Jeno was well acquainted with. Right now the twin looks of predatory attention were hyper-focused on him.

“What happened?” Jaehyun got straight to the point.

“The door fell in,” Jeno shrugged, trying and failing to look casual.

Lucas guffawed. Jaehyun didn’t budge, eyeing Jeno closely. “Johnny said that your call with him got cut off. We couldn’t reach you on your Blinker either.” His eyes strayed to Jeno’s bare wrist and narrowed.

Jeno glanced down. An ugly bruise was forming around his wrist. Jeno looked up and his stomach dropped when he saw that Jaehyun had caught sight of his Blinker, the metal band neatly broken into two lying on the counter. “What happened, Jeno?” Jaehyun repeated his question, an edge in his voice.

Jeno kept silent. He couldn’t think of a single lie. Even Lucas had fallen silent beside Jaehyun. “Where’s Jaemin?”

“Out. At classes.”

Jaehyun tilted his head, coolly assessing. It was the first time Jeno was seeing Jaehyun out of the confines of the gym. He had forgotten that Jung Jaehyun was an agent just like him, except with at least ten more years of experience. Jeno stared at the tattoo of the wolf in the swirling design on Jaehyun’s neck, the piercing eyes a better alternative than meeting Jaehyun’s.

“Did Jaemin do this?”

Jeno’s eyes darted up, not expecting that. “No!” he said, much too loudly. “No, he didn’t,” he amended. “I got angry and broke it.”

“Don’t lie to me, Jeno,” Jaehyun said coldly.

“I’m not,” Jeno met his eyes. “It wasn’t Jaemin.”

“Then who?”

“I told you, the door fell in. I threw a tantrum because I was pissed and broke my Blinker by accident.” Jeno stated, meeting his eyes boldly. Jaehyun’s eyes bored into his, Jeno looked back calmly, refusing to fold. A few moments passed and Jaehyun extended his hand. “Your tablet.”

“What do you need it for?” Jeno asked, stalling for time, having guessed that this was coming. There was a tracker in the Blinker, Johnny must have realised that it was permanently put out of commission the moment it stopped tracking Jeno because Blinkers simply don’t go off, especially not a government-issued one. He too, had understood the implications of it and was grabbing the chance to go back on his word. 

“Johnny wants us to retrieve it from you.” Jaehyun’s hand was still out, expectant.

“I don’t have it with me,” Jeno replied, fingers twitching at his side. An instinctive shiver went down his spine, lighting up his nerves and tensing his body subtly. Jaehyun let his hand fall. “Lucas,” he said, not taking his eyes off Jeno, “Track down Jeno’s tablet, will you?”

“What’s the rush?” Jeno drawled, “You can tell him that he’ll get what he wants when I get what I want.”

“Not really, no,” Jaehyun said, crossing his arms, “Johnny wants the two of you back today.”

Jeno’s jaw tightened. He curled his fists, this was going too fast. Johnny was making attack after attack while he could. By doing this he could report to his higher-ups that Jeno’s mission was successful and the agents were successfully retrieved, wrapping up their life here and rendering Jeno’s betrayal completely worthless. “His tablet is in this apartment,” Lucas said, subdued. He sounded reluctant to say that.

Jaehyun made to move past him into his room. Jeno stepped in front of him, blocking his way. “I said that I’ll give it to him myself.”

“I know,” Jaehyun sighed, “But Johnny gave very explicit orders for us to personally retrieve the tablet, you and Jaemin.”

Jeno didn’t move in place, desperately trying to think of something. “There’s sensitive information in there, I should be the one to hand it to him.”

“It’s because it concerns state security that Johnny wants me to take it off your hands,” Jaehyun replied tersely, “I’m sorry, Jeno. But I have my orders.” He tried to move past Jeno again. Jeno blocked his way.

There was a tense pause.

Jeno swung out of the way when Jaehyun’s arm struck like a snake, seizing his momentarily unguarded torso and throwing him in an arc. Jaehyun easily twisted in mid-air, landing on his feet and sliding to the ground smoothly, throwing Jeno over. Jeno went into a cartwheel, getting to his feet and facing Jaehyun.

There was a crooked smile on Jaehyun’s face. “Not bad, Jeno. You haven’t lost your touch.” Without warning, he darted forward again. This time he managed to grab Jeno’s arm, twisting it behind him and slamming him onto the counter. Jeno wrenched himself away, his arms were twisting at their joints painfully. He locked his legs around Jaehyun’s knee, tripping him and sending him sprawling to the ground.

Jeno grabbed the chance to yank his arm around his back, pressing him to the ground. He was so occupied with Jaehyun that he forgot about Lucas momentarily. His head whipped up when Lucas rushed past him in a gust of wind, leaping up from where he was crouched against Jaehyun’s back to run after Lucas, who had disappeared into his room.

He tripped, knees hitting the ground when Jaehyun’s hand closed around his ankle. A weight fell against his back as Jaehyun jumped from where he was sprawled to pin him to the ground. Jeno grunted as his face was ground onto the cold tiles, trying to buck off Jaehyun who was keeping him firmly locked in place from above. “I’ve got it,” Lucas said from somewhere above him. There was a click and Jaehyun got off him, leaving him lying face down on the floor, arms cuffed behind him, humiliated and utterly furious.

He was dragged to his feet, lip bleeding from where his face was used to scrub the floor. With a sense of increasing despair, Jeno saw that Lucas was holding his tablet while Jaehyun pressed the muzzle of a taser into his back. “Why are you _doing_ this, Jeno?” Jaehyun asked, voice anguished. “You know it makes things worse for you when you attack me.”

“Why can’t you leave me to it?” he hurled back. “I said that I’ll give it to him myself!”

“Why do you have to do that?” said Jaehyun, exasperated. “What’s the difference whether it’s me or you?”

Jeno twisted himself around to look at Jaehyun beseechingly, “Johnny promised to release me and Jaemin from active service if I give him information to take down Nova. I have a recording of it in my Blinker, if you could just let me bring it to Doyoung, he might be able to retrieve the data somehow – ”

“That’s not what he said,” Jaehyun said, pushing Jeno ahead of him towards the exit. “He told us that you run a risk of committing treason. We didn’t want to believe it but…” he let the sentence trail off.

“You believe him, but you won’t believe me?” Jeno demanded, turning his head around again to glare at Jaehyun. The older man looked taken aback at that. His lips thinned to a straight line but he didn’t answer.

“Well, it’s not like Johnny could actually do that,” Lucas mumbled, ducking out the door after them. “You two know too much, man. The higher-ups would give him hell if he let you two loose.”

They were silent as they took the lift down. Jeno didn’t bother trying to escape, knowing that Jaehyun would electrocute him to within an inch of his life if he so much as attempted. Lucas stood beside him, looking like he would rather be anywhere else. The lift doors opened, admitting them into the lobby. Jeno kept his chin lifted as he was marched across the floor, feeling the eyes of everyone on him. The concierge who he regularly greeted moved forward uncertainly, stopping in place when Jaehyun turned his icy gaze on him. Jeno shook his head minutely, not wanting them to get involved.

The Stingray was waiting at the entrance, sunlight glinting off the sleek black metal and a slight breeze from its engines blowing their hair back from where it hovered above the ground, patiently waiting for them. There was the sound of footsteps and Jaemin materialized in front of them, faster than any human could, hair windswept and gaze worried. “Jeno,” he gasped, “What is going on?”

Jaehyun cocked his head, no doubt picking up on the inflection in Jaemin’s voice right away. “Hello, Jaemin,” he greeted cordially, “It’s been a while.”

Jaemin’s eyes darted to them both. Jeno held his breath. “Jaehyun, Lucas,” Jaemin nodded to them quickly. “Why are you holding Jeno like this? Why are you here?”

Jaehyun’s eyebrows rose, Lucas’s jaw went slack. “You seem to have gotten better, Jaemin,” Jaehyun remarked slowly.

“Jeno helped me a lot,” Jaemin replied, eyes on the handcuffs around Jeno. “You have not answered me, why are you doing this to Jeno?”

“We’ll explain later,” Jaehyun said warily, “For now we need you to get into the Stingray with us and come back to the base.”

“Don’t,” Jeno murmured under his breath. Jaemin went stiff. “Knock them both out.”

“Jaemin?” Jaehyun repeated, voice hardening, “Get into the Stingray.”

“ _Jaemin_ ,” Jeno breathed, pleading.

Jaemin vanished. Electricity crackled. Two thumps sounded as Jaehyun and Lucas hit the floor, unconscious. There was another loud crack as Jaemin broke his handcuffs.

Jeno shook his arms out, getting the circulation back. “Jeno,” Jaemin said urgently, “What is happening? Renjun told me everything. Were you going to do that to Jisung? For me?” His voice cracked at the end.

Jeno hauled the two limp bodies into the Stingray, leaning over to type in the address to the base at the dashboard. He pulled himself out, picking up the tablet from where it had fallen to the floor, watching the doors close and the Stingray speeding away. He turned to Jaemin who was still looking at him. There was something vulnerable in that flat gaze, something that tugged at Jeno. He reached out, trailing his fingers along the sharp cut of his jaw, the angular, precise line, perfectly drawn. “I would have burnt down the world,” he said quietly, knowing the truth of every word. “to save mine. To save you.”

Jaemin’s hand came up to clasp his. “What will happen now?”

God if Jeno knows. He and Jaemin have definitely crossed too many lines by disobeying orders and directly attacking two of their agents to get off lightly. As for Jisung…Jeno’s throat tightened. He forced his mind away, letting the memories burn away, resignation and bitter regret. He turned his hand in Jaemin’s cool grip, pulling his hand forward and reaching for his Blinker.

“How dare you,” Jeno seethed as soon as the call connected.

“How dare I?” Johnny said, livid. “How dare you even attempt this in the first place! You’re too young to understand the consequences of all this, do you? It’s a matter of national security and the state of our society, it’s not something to be taken lightly!” he roared.

“Then why?” Jeno shouted, “Why bring us into this? One fucking accident – why couldn’t you guys have kept it between yourselves? Why is it us, who have to clean up your messes, to be the pawns in your fight while you sit all the way up there watching and moving us around like chess pieces?” Jaemin placed a cool hand on his wrist. Jeno stopped short, breathing hard and pulling himself together, he was losing focus.

“It was your mission,” Johnny said, biting it out word by word. “Find dirt on Nova while rehabilitating Jaemin.”

“And I asked for a compromise,” Jeno growled back, “In exchange for you making me destroy the only friendships I’ve ever had in my life other than Jaemin, give me back the last thing I have in this damn world.”

“Did you not hear what I said about national security – ”

“You never gave him a chance!” Jeno exploded, “You guys went out and made all the decisions by yourself because the life and mind and choice of a half-dead Lower Tier simply didn’t mean anything to you! You didn’t give Jaemin a chance to prove himself to be harmless and no, don’t give me the bullshit about needing him. I know Taeyong is more than capable of producing more of them, especially with the stuff you’re going to pull from Nova. You would lose _nothing_ from agreeing to my offer, you know I would never spill.”

“I did what I had to,” Johnny’s eyes were hard.

“So did I,” Jeno replied, just as coldly. “My offer stands; Nova for Jaemin. Or you can forget about Nova forever.” He ended the call, placing another one, clumsily patting Jaemin who was still standing with his arm stuck out patiently.

Renjun’s call connected immediately. “The evidence is still with me. I haven’t sent it to them,” He spoke quickly, shortly. They don’t have much time. “I will as soon as I get a written agreement. You have until then to get rid of as much evidence as you can. I suggest you leave the country right now, especially you Renjun.”

“And if you don’t?” Renjun’s voice was steady. He seemed to have gathered himself.

“I’ll destroy the evidence. I will not have my betrayal be useless.”

“What are you going to do?” he asked softly.

Jeno closed his eyes. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen and he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to be the one carrying the weight of everyone’s worlds on his shoulders.

He doesn’t voice any of this.

“We’ll be taking the Stingray and going to Bukhansan,” Jeno opened his eyes, “They’ll be able to track us with Jaemin’s Blinker and my tablet but the mountains should give us some cover and buy us some time.”

Renjun looked at him sadly. Jeno couldn’t stand to see it. “You’re going to get yourself killed, Jeno.”

“I can’t let this be for nothing.” It was a futile prayer from a man who had no hope left. He turned his head, catching Jaemin looking at him with the same eyes he did when they went out into the world alone for their first time. Like Jeno held all the answers to the universe. “I have to go, Renjun.”

Renjun nodded, “Goodbye, Jeno.”

“Goodbye,” he echoed. “Tell that to Jisung and Chenle too. Goodbye. And I’m sorry.”

Renjun’s face vanished.

Jaemin had called for their Stingray while Jeno was talking. It hovered before them, waiting. They got in, Jeno reached over and buckled Jaemin in as the Stingray sped forward, way past the speed limit. His hands lingered at Jaemin’s waist, reaching over to clasp Jaemin’s hands where they were resting on his lap. Jaemin hadn’t said a word since earlier. “Are you angry with me?”

Jaemin turned his hands around to squeeze Jeno’s hands. “You told me that we shouldn’t make our friends cry. Or make them upset,” Jaemin reminded him, “When Renjun told us, Jisung was very sad. And Chenle. Renjun was angry but he looked like he wanted to cry. And now you look like how he did.”

Jeno’s eyes burned. He felt like he couldn’t breathe past the clog in his throat.

“I don’t like seeing you like this. I don’t like seeing my friends like this.” Jaemin’s eyebrows were furrowed.

“I’m sorry.” There was nothing else for Jeno to say. I’m sorry I had to do this, I’m sorry this happened, I’m sorry.

Jaemin reached out, touching his fingertips to the corners of Jeno’s eyes gently, infinitely soft. “Don’t cry.”

Because Jeno was watching Jaemin so closely, he missed it coming.

Jaemin didn’t.

His gaze went blank, body going rigid. He lunged forward, wrapping arms like steel around Jeno as a whistle sliced the air and exploded. Their Stingray flipped over in the air, the world turning upside down. Metal shrieked in his ear as they crashed to the ground, the impact sending shockwaves through Jeno’s mind even with Jaemin’s cushioning. The world flipped over and over. Jeno’s head hit something hard, a sharp pain grazed his leg.

The Stingray finally rolled to a standstill. Jaemin lifted himself from where he had fallen into a protective crouch around Jeno, tearing through the wreckage of metal caging them in. Jeno struggled to sit up, reaching for the tablet and just missing a bullet that grazed his hand as it closed around the tablet.

Every sense went into high alert.

He jerked the tablet to his chest, frantically scanning the area. Jaemin seized his arm, dragging him up. A bullet whizzed past him, Jaemin yanking him away at the last moment. There was a blur and suddenly they were in the back alley, zigzagging through the untidy maze that made up the unknown neighbourhood they were in. Jaemin was moving too fast for Jeno to register much of what was going on except to hold the tablet to his chest as tight as he could.

His feet flew over the uneven ground, barely grazing them as Jaemin basically carried him along. Jaemin halted suddenly, going backwards just as a missile exploded in front of them, sealing off the alley with collapsed rubble. Jeno was spun around, coming face-to-face with Jaehyun and Lucas. Behind him were a number of agents Jeno recognised from the base, old and new, way too many for Jaemin and him alone to handle.

“Jeno,” Lucas called out first, big eyes huge with distress. “Please just give us the tablet. I’ll talk to Johnny, okay? Just come with us – ”

“Agent Lee Jeno,” Jaehyun cut him off. There was no trace of the man who had smiled at him in the ring, reaching out to help him up. His face was a blank canvas, eyes a dark void. “For failing to obey direct orders by a superior, conducting bodily harm upon your fellow agents, threatening national security using sensitive information and breaching the terms of your contract as an agent guaranteeing absolute loyalty, you are hereby accused of treason. Your termination as an agent and as a citizen of the Republic of South Korea has been ordered by General Seo for the sake of national interest.”

His termination? The words didn’t register in his mind. Is he going to be executed?

“Agent Na Jaemin,” Jaehyun turned his attention to the other, “In view of your significant value as the first bionic agent of our country and your adherence to directions to obey Agent Lee Jeno’s orders, your contract will still hold. Please comply with us from now onwards.”

Jaemin was motionless, Jeno’s arm still slung over his shoulder and his arm gripping him around his waist. “Please retrieve the tablet from Lee Jeno and come over to us. We shall commence the termination of Lee Jeno promptly,” Jaehyun said dispassionately.

“Are you going to kill Jeno?” Jaemin asked, soft voice echoing hollowly in the alley.

“Yes,” Jaehyun replied neutrally. Lucas closed his eyes.

“Why?” There was a world of confused hurt in the flat tone.

“He is a threat to the country.”

Jaemin shook his head. “Jeno is not a bad person. He did all this for me. It is my fault. I am sorry. It’s all because of me.”

The faintest shadow passed over Jaehyun’s face, pity and regret and pain, before it was wiped away cleanly. “Thank you for clarifying that, Agent Na. However, that does not excuse his actions. He poses a significant liability to us now.”

Jaemin shook his head again, more frantically. “Please. Don’t. Terminate me instead. If you terminate me, he will not have a reason to disobey anymore. I should not have been created.”

A soundless wave of grief rose in him, mirrored by the expression that twisted Lucas’s face. A cyborg super soldier begging for the life of a replaceable human, Johnny probably didn’t imagine this happening because he never considered, not for a moment, that Jaemin had a mind of his own.

“Agent Na, please comply with us or we shall be obliged to use force,” Jaehyun said evenly, disregarding his statement.

Jaemin’s eyes glittered, stars in a night. “I can’t let you kill Jeno,” he whispered. “He is important to me.”

The muzzle of the guns swung down. Jeno stumbled as Jaemin disappeared in a blur, bullets whizzing in the air.

Jaemin was fast. But bullets were still faster.

When Jeno was a child, he often read while he walked. One time he ran into the corner of the table when he tripped and the wind was knocked out of him along with a stabbing pain in his gut.

Being shot was much, much worse.

There was no bulletproof vest, no prototype armour, no metal parts. Not a single weapon on him either. Just Jeno and his human body and the soft t-shirt he wore to lounge around their apartment since last week and bullets that exploded and fragmented on impact.

They took out his kneecaps, those fuckers. They deliberately avoided his chest and head, probably because of the tablet he was still holding up protectively. Jeno collapsed, legs twin bolts of white-hot fire. Bullets flew into his unguarded mid-section, another burst of pain, one after another. A hand grabbed at the tablet, Jeno kept a vice-like grip on it, grimly holding on even when the perpetrator drove his foot into his gut, trying to get him to let go. His vision blacked out for a moment.

The hand disappeared. Jeno fell back to the ground heavily, catching a glimpse of a black-clad figure running in the direction of where Jaemin was in the middle of the melee, small and light and faster than a human.

Jeno heaved himself up, dragging himself to the side and leaning against a graffitied wall. His consciousness swam in and out of focus as he clumsily tried to unlock the tablet, blood smearing across the glass screen from the wound in his gut.

_Factory reset?_

Jeno stabbed at the button.

A gunshot. Blood and bone fragment exploded. Jeno’s shoulder went numb.

To his ribs.

Jeno fell over, tasting dirt and watching the tablet clatter to the ground.

Boots appeared in his vision. Reinforced canvas.

_Factory reset complete._

A loud swear. The boot kicked his face, something broke. Thumps as it kicked at his torso again and again before stopping suddenly.

The alley was silent.

Hands lifted him gently. Through fading vision Jeno could make out Jaemin’s electric blue hair, his body a mess of broken metal parts and skin flaps hanging weakly. He barely resembled a human. But his eyes. That was all Jaemin.

“Jeno!” Tears spilled over, rolling down his cheeks. “No, please. Fuck!”

How cruel it is, for Jaemin to come back just when Jeno was leaving. 

The black clad figure tugged up his mask, leaning forward to examine Jeno. “We need to get medical help,” he said, voice shaking with terror and desperation.

“Why are you here, Chihuahua,” Jeno murmured. “They’ll get you for this.”

“No, they won’t,” Renjun refuted, “I’m an Upper Tier. I’ll get away from it somehow. Especially since you erased the files.”

“Jeno,” Jaemin whimpered, “Stay with me, please. Don’t leave me. You promised not to leave.”

Jeno felt as though he was wrapped in cotton. Blood loss and shock, he diagnosed distantly. “I did my best. Didn’t I? I tried my hardest.”

Renjun swiped at his eyes. “Stop saying such stupid things,” he snapped shakily, “I called for help, just stay awake.”

The sky was blue. Cerulean blue and white clouds. Just like the ones he saw when they were part of the Upper Levels. No big expanse of sky here, though. Just a small patch bracketed with the skyscrapers on both sides and Jaemin’s face above his, tear-tracked and twisted in pain. “What did I do wrong?” he didn’t know who he was saying it to, “All I did was try to keep us both alive. Was that so bad?”

Jeno felt Jaemin shaking as he cradled Jeno close to him. His hand cupped Jeno’s face. The pressure was nice. “They’re almost here,” Renjun said, hand pressed against the shreds of flesh of his torso. Jeno would have told him to leave it. “Hang in there, Jeno.”

“Renjun,” he forced himself to speak, fighting the fog. He had one more thing to do. “Jaemin’s Blinker has a tracker. Get rid of it. Take care of him. Don’t let them get to him.”

“You do it yourself!” Renjun yelled, losing it. There was the sound of running footsteps. Black clad figures appeared at the end of the alley. Among them was a tall, skinny one, a shorter one following just behind.

“I’m serious,” Jeno insisted, “You owe it to me anyway. Since you spoiled my plan and I spared you guys.”

“Petty asshole,” Renjun sniffed. His little face was streaked with blood and tears, eyes red.

Jeno huffed a laugh weakly, choking on blood that gurgled up his throat. “Get out of this place. All of you. Don’t let them get any of you. Fuck them all, honestly.”

There was shouting. Jisung’s voice, high and terrified, mingling with Chenle’s. The sunshine was awfully bright behind Jaemin. Jaemin was so beautiful. Then and now. “Hey, Jaemin,” He called out, barely a murmur.

His face was wet. “Jeno. Please don’t go. Please. Please don’t.”

“I need to tell you something before I forget,” his lips curved into a small smile at the memory. He reached out, putting all his energy to slide his hand to Jaemin’s nape, pulling Jaemin to him and resting their foreheads against each other. Softly, cautiously, the words slipped out like a secret in the quiet space between them, “I love you,” Jeno whispered. “I love you so, so much.” Like an exhale, he pulled him forward and pressed his lips to Jaemin’s.

Tenderly, gently, with all that he ever felt in his life.

With the last that he ever felt in his life.

Goodbye, Jaemin.

Goodbye, Renjun. Goodbye, Jisung. Goodbye, Chenle. 

Goodbye.

Jeno closed his eyes.

/

The sea was blue and green. It smelled salty and the sun was warm. It was beautiful and everything Jaemin imagined when he first saw the picture in the book Jeno showed him a lifetime ago.

“Be careful not to fall,” Renjun joked half-heartedly, coming over to stand next to Jaemin at the railings. “I’m not sure how waterproof we are.”

Jaemin snorted, appreciating his attempt to lighten his mood. Everything felt brighter ever since Renjun and Jisung and Chenle smuggled him to Nova to fix the both of them up. In Jaemin’s case, they replaced his brain implant with another one, the kind that Renjun has. The one without an algorithm.

Everything up to that point felt like he was in sleep paralysis, mind weighed down by invisible shackles. It felt like he was waking up for real.

At the beginning, his mind rebelled, unused to the sudden onslaught of emotions and thought. And there was a _lot_. It took time for the neuronal connections to grow back, for muscle memory to come back. During those periods, alone in the dark in the VIP suite at Nova, Jaemin half-wished that he could erase the emotions.

Renjun was right. As usual. The lack of evidence bought them enough time to stitch Jaemin and Renjun back together and to make the arrangements for them to leave Korea, at least for a long time. Behind him, he could hear Jisung bickering with Chenle over a pack of gummy worms, their voices more subdued than Jaemin recalled.

“It shouldn’t be too hard for you to settle in,” Renjun said, “Since you learnt Chinese.”

“Jeno was better at it,” Jaemin said, lips pulled into a rueful smile. “He sucked at French, though.”

“I kind of miss him,” Renjun said, fingers curling around the white metal of the rails. “You three are no fun to fight with, none of you are at his level.” Renjun chanced a glance at him cautiously, “Sorry.”

Jaemin shook his head. “It’s okay. I do too. Everyday. So much.” His breath caught in his throat. Jaemin made himself go on, keeping his tone light, “If you want to win you just need to stick it out long enough. He’s stubborn but he’s also incredibly lazy. He loses motivation quickly once he realises that you won’t budge.”

Renjun laughed fondly. “That sounds just like him.”

The two of them looked out into the vast expanse of the sea, turquoise and cerulean. He will remember. Jaemin will remember every single moment, every single memory, engrave it in his heart, hold onto it for as long as he can, repeating it all to himself again and again.

Lee Jeno.

Agent Lee.

My friend.

The most important person in the world to me.

The person I love.

The person I wish I could have loved longer.

The person I miss so much.

As long as he, Renjun, Jisung, Chenle, as long as one person remembers, Lee Jeno will still exist in this world.

The world that he was no longer a part of.

Jaemin closed his eyes against the sun.

The words rang in his head like a mantra.

Jeno. Lee Jeno.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a deleted scene in the next chapter! As well as my thoughts on this


	11. Chapter 11

Seoul, 2089

Neither of them spoke about that night and from an outsider’s perspective, nothing changed. Jaemin still treated Jeno like a doll and Jeno dropped dry remarks every chance he got. What was different was the hyperawareness Jeno developed towards the other. It was inconvenient and embarrassing and he felt himself developing something akin to a tunnel vision on the other.

Jeno was convinced that it was just him, although he would swear that there were a few times that Jaemin held onto him for a beat too long or looked at him in a way that sent a lick of pleasure through him. Most of the time, he was still as unbearable as ever.

Like now.

“Jeno, can we get kimchi?” Jaemin pleaded, hanging off of Jeno’s arm as Jeno moved around their tiny apartment trying to get dressed. They finally earned enough money to not have to live off the scraps they stole off plates at the Nyx and today is the first time they’re going grocery shopping since they left. Jeno tried to pull his arm away and only succeeded in pulling Jaemin along. “Get off, Jaemin,” he said in exasperation, a tiny smile curving his lips when Jaemin only giggled and clung on harder. It would have been easier to get their groceries through the usual delivery that everyone used but they wanted to save up on even that little bit of extra charge. “It’s an additional cost,” he chided.

“But I haven’t had it in so long!” Jaemin moaned exaggeratedly, “I miss having it every day with every meal.”

“Madam spoilt you,” Jeno remarked, finally managing to detach Jaemin from him long enough to put on his worn black jacket. He checked the battery on his Blinker, running his hand through his hair at the mirror and mentally reminding himself to get it cut. Jaemin was staring at him with blatant appreciation.

“Yeah, I’m definitely being spoilt right now,” Jaemin breathed out, eyes sliding down his body slowly, lewdly.

Jeno cleared his throat awkwardly, feeling his neck heat up as he moved past Jaemin to get out of the house. Jaemin followed him, curling an arm around Jeno’s waist which he tried to push off feebly. It was a long walk to the warehouse where the groceries were and the both of them deliberately chose to go on their off day. The warehouse was an entire building by itself in the suburbs, Post Bots bearing packages rolling out of them in an endless stream.

It took them an absurdly long time to get their groceries because Jaemin insisted on going into every aisle and checking out everything. “It’s fun to look at stuff even if we’re not going to buy them,” Jaemin said cheerfully as he examined a box of candies, ducking away from a mechanic arm that reached past him to drop a box into the open top of a Post Bot. Jeno sighed, giving in. It was becoming a recurring pattern and Jeno didn’t know whether it was a result of the strange, fluttering feelings he had started to have.

“Have you been to the sea before?” Jaemin asked, hanging over his shoulder when they got back. Jeno was moving around their miniature kitchen, trying to put together something nice for dinner. Jeno shrugged him off distractedly, reaching for a packet of flour to make _jeon_. It was a good thing that their work involved so much moving or he and Jaemin would have gotten fat from their crappy diet. There was no reason to stick out any more than they already did and their jobs depended on them looking the way they do.

“God, Jaemin, get off,” Jeno grunted, almost dropping the whole packet into the sink when Jaemin adjusted his grip on Jeno.

“Not gonna,” he sing-songed, thankfully loosening his grip and wrapping it around Jeno’s waist instead, “You look like an absolute _snack_ yesterday, Lee Jeno. I was watching you, you just have all the customers wrapped around your finger, don’t you? I think some of them were even married.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jeno snorted, attempting to measure some flour into the bowl with a spoon and wildly misestimating it when it overflowed and spilled.

“You’re the one who’s ridiculous,” Jaemin’s lips brushed his ear, murmuring, “No one has any right walking around the restaurant looking so damn fine in that suit – ” Jeno freed himself from Jaemin’s clutches, knocking away the hand that was starting to wander from his waist. He shook the spoon at Jaemin warningly, ears burning, too flustered to care about the flour that drifted down to the floor from that motion. “Stop it.” Jaemin merely grinned back at him lazily, unrepentant.

“Of course I haven’t,” Jeno said, seizing at the conversation before it could fall any further and he completely lost his mind. He shook some salt into the bowl, probably pouring much more than necessary in his distraction. “We literally grew up together, have you ever seen me leave this place?”

“I want to go,” Jaemin said, uncharacteristically serious, leaning against the counter and watching Jeno work, “Remember that book we read as a kid? The one about the rabbit?”

“You mean the one you look like?” Jeno couldn’t resist adding, not surprised by the punch he received. Jaemin’s buck teeth had always been a sore spot for him, although Jeno could never understand why. It was barely there and was rather endearing, in his opinion. Jaemin begged to differ. “Why bring this up suddenly, anyway?”

Jaemin brightened, his smile widening, becoming more sincere now that he wasn’t just playing around. “I asked Madam a long time ago and she said that I was originally from Busan. It’s a port city! I want to see how it looks like.”

Jeno picked up the knife to slice the carrots, “Are you trying to find them?”

There was a minute pause, “No.”

“Liar.”

“I’m not,” Jaemin denied vehemently, “I’m curious but I don’t really care either way, now that I have you…” Jaemin trailed off, flushing. Jeno raised an eyebrow in amusement, for someone who got a kick from dropping innuendos all the time, he got embarrassed from the most innocuous things. “I just want to see the sea, that’s all. And go out on it like Edward Tulane. Maybe I can get onto a boat and sail off, out in the ocean and free of all this.”

Jeno put the knife down from where he was haphazardly slicing carrots. It wasn’t unusual for Jaemin to go on and on about hypothetical scenarios, but this one niggled at him. “It almost sounds like you hate to be here,” He said lightly, beguiling what he felt inside, “Can’t wait to be free of me?”

“You’re going to come with me, what are you talking about?” Jaemin looked at him like he was crazy. “We’ll leave all this bullshit about levels behind, just the both of us.” Jeno blinked, heart stuttering. Jaemin was always sincere, open with his words and his actions, but he still couldn’t help getting surprised even after almost ten years together. The moment would have been sweet, if only Jaemin didn’t ruin it by saying, “That’s why I’m telling you in advance, because as a good husband you have to surprise me with a trip on our twentieth anniversary.”

“We are not married and I am not your husband,” Jeno deadpanned, pouring the mixture into the pan. The pan sizzled alarmingly and Jeno realised with a growing sense of doom that he forgot to grease the pan.

“We could be, if only you would stop resisting. Did you know that couples who adopt get tax rebates?” Jeno stopped his cooking long enough to close his eyes and take a deep, calming breath. Dear lord, does this man ever give up?

“Then can you please, like a good wife, help me and go set up the table?” Jeno exhaled, carefully lifting a _jeon_ and cursing quietly when it stuck and broke in half. Jaemin happily obliged, dropping a kiss on Jeno’s cheek before he could escape.

“I’ll be a good wife and wait for you in bed too, how about that?” Jaemin laughed when Jeno’s hand jerked, dropping several on the countertop. “No, throw that away – don’t eat that, Lee Jeno!” Jeno popped it into his mouth before Jaemin could stop him, chewing defiantly to distract himself. If Jaemin had the slightest clue what passed Jeno’s mind every time he said things like that he might start having second thoughts about being so brazen. At this point he couldn’t decide if he wants to kiss Jaemin or fuck him.

When the world was blanketed in the muffled silence of 4 am, Jeno quietly extracted himself from Jaemin’s clutches in bed, pulling himself to the window of their tiny apartment that their mattress was shoved up against. Quiet time was practically non-existent when you were around a person as active and persistent as Jaemin. The only time Jeno got any reprieve was when he was dead to the world.

Jeno leaned his head against the cool glass, looking out to the streets of Seoul. Their 8th floor apartment was a far cry from the orphanage, but it was still worlds apart from the 50th story where most people lived, and further still from the Nyx.

An Aeri-lift zoomed far above, the elevator shaped box coming to a stop at the opposite building and admitting the passenger somewhere around the 37th floor. The neon lights from the shops below reflected off the translucent white glass of the Aeri-lift, flashing a kaleidoscope of colours on it before it flew off again.

Jaemin bringing up the sea wasn’t totally unexpected, it was all he talked about when they were younger and he first saw the picture in the book. Jeno was more than happy to humour him, with the pressing problem that they are literally unable to. Bullet train tickets were expensive for them and living in Seoul even more so for two young boys who have neither the education to fill the positions of engineers and tech analysts, nor the family background to use as a crutch. Shouts from a bar brawl drifted up from the streets and Jeno peeked over disinterestedly. Jaemin murmured from the bed, shifting around. Jeno looked at him in exasperation. Of all times for him to choose to sleep lightly. He would never hear the end of it if Jaemin woke up and found him staring out the window in the dead of the night.

He moved over carefully, tucking himself between Jaemin and the cold window. Jaemin turned on his side, pressing himself to Jeno’s thigh. He hesitated for a moment and stroked Jaemin’s hair, caressing his face as lightly as he can. It’s only during times like this, when it feels like the world is suspended in time, when Jeno is cocooned inside the little space they carved for themselves in Seoul, that Jeno would allow the crack in his heart to open the slightest bit more. Under the neon lights of Seoul 2089, Jeno let his imagination drift and carry him away like the Aeri-lift, carrying him up, up, up, to a place where he could bring Jaemin to the sea and where he dared to believe that they could be more.

/

It didn't fit the flow but yes, Jeno is a scared kid despite how he likes to act and he was truly freaked out by the whole thing.

ANYWAYS.

Trust me, I did not want to kill him I really didn't I felt so sad but he had to or it would contradict the whole point I was trying to make.

1) WHY DID JENO DIE WHY WHY

We all do bad things in the world. We are a villain in someone else’s story. We do what we need to to protect what’s important and what’s precious. Jeno fought with everything he could, played dirty, because he was fighting a losing battle. If you look at it from the opposite perspective, Jeno was a villain in the eyes of Jisung and Johnny. If we were to follow the fairytale plot structure, in order for Jisung to have his happily-ever-after, the villain who was plotting against him from the start had to die. And in any case, it fit in with the theme of the story.

2) Scientific advancements and society structure

Already we are at the cusp of the Fourth Industrial Revolution. What will happen to society from here onwards? There is no way to predict. Healthcare is advancing rapidly along with AI and a million other research. It could change the world for the better and in the process of this, people will lose out. It is ironic but the ones who are most in need of it might not be able to afford it. That links in with the theme I wanted to make; Not everyone can afford to live.

I made this point again and again. There is a stark difference between the Upper and Lower Levels. Both Jeno and Renjun did the same things but with vastly different outcomes. For the both of them, lives were saved by the technology but the poorer one had to spend their life paying it back. In real life, lives are ruined by such debts and people commit crimes in order to pay it back, just like what Jeno did. Of course it's unfair. Of course it's cruel. Someone ends up losing no matter what.

Can Jeno truly be faulted? Like he said, he did what he could. You could argue that it was his choice after all, the same way Johnny said to him. Yes, it was his choice. Because it was his only choice. Should he take responsibility for everything that happened from then on? Yes and no. Jaemin himself said so, Jeno is not a bad person. He is simply doing what he needed to and for a person like him, a lot of times the hand he is dealt is bad. How does he win then? By cheating.

Of course you could argue that Jeno didn't have to cheat, that he could take the straight route. And then what? He will lose. And why should he? Why should he be expected to hold back with a world who never did the same back for him?

With that, it is inevitable that he had to die, partly for logical reasons (no, I don't think you can be pumped of bullets and live) and for the point that I was trying to get at. The Lower Tier is the only one who lost out in this war between two figureheads. Renjun could escape because, like what he said, he was an Upper Tier. He could twist the law in any way he wanted.

3) The characters

Jeno was an insanely difficult character to write. On top of being morally grey, he was emotionally incompetent. I'm not sure how many of you noticed but Jeno at the beginning doesn't have much emotions or thoughts as compared to the end where he started to be more 'alive'. It was a risk I took because despite knowing that he'll appear flat, I wanted to emphasise how Jeno was learning how to be a human alongside Jaemin. More importantly, Jeno simply didn't care for anyone at the base so he viewed them through a sort of 'muted' lens. He had no emotional reaction towards them because he literally didn't give a damn about them. Being at university and meeting the three musketeers truly reminded him how to be human again.

It was very difficult writing from the POV of a morally grey character, especially like in this story where no one is faultless. It's hard to decide who's truly bad when everyone's working for their own goal and interests. In the process of pursuing that, it is inevitable that collateral damage may happen sometimes. 

Jaemin was another difficult one to write. I wanted to write him as the moral compass to Jeno's but yeah good characters often verge on becoming pancake flat. I don't think I did Jaemin justice in here, which is a pity. But in any case, Jaemin was meant to be a mirror to Jeno and Jisung. In other words, Jaemin is the alternate choice to Jeno's and the Lower Level of Jisung. If you don't cheat, if you don't know how to play, you get trampled on the way Jaemin did when they were working at the Sonata. Jisung is what Jaemin could have been and that was why Jeno was fond of him. Jisung was what the both of them could have been.

Nova and Johnny. Neither side is exactly wrong. One wanted to improve healthcare and the other wanted to protect national security. If you zoom out a little, they represented science/capitalism and the public respectively. But when viewed from Jeno's POV, things are much more different. 

Did Nova stop their operations after Jeno's very rousing speech? In a happy ending, they did. They understood what it meant for people and they stopped. Society progressed slowly and smoothly onwards.

In the other end, they did not. They went ahead, making money and improving lives, progressing and gradually being joined by others while the ones who could not keep up trailed along and died.

It's up to you which end happened.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to write mainly for the complicated themes and characters and it was a massive challenge. I half lost my mind because there were _so many_ lies going on and I was had to keep track of everyone's lie and their plotting and uggghhhhhhh

I tried my best to handle the issues delicately and I apologise if I failed to. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed thinking about it. Thank you!


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